Could be interesting.

[nobleplatypus]

So, as y'all undoubtedly know (unless you're new or tend to skim or something), I identify as asexual and aromantic. This means, in a nutshell, that I am neither sexually nor romantically attracted to other people: I have no interest in banging anyone or dating anyone.

I don't really talk about it all that much, for a variety of reasons. They tend to boil down to things like, "it's not relevant" or "I don't feel like it" or "I'm too busy watching MST3K," but I am also acutely aware that not many people know much about it, and I'd be lying if I said that the general populace's lack of awareness isn't a big damn reason for me to not bring it up.

So, consider this an open forum. If you have questions, ask away. Since this is unlocked, I believe anonymous commenting is an option for you shy folks. If things get out of hand, I'll lock it down.

Some quick notes from me, first:
1.) I will assume the best of intentions on your part, which means that if you say something offensive, I will endeavor to explain with minimal nastiness why it's offensive instead of just bringing the smackdown.
2.) Unless I think you're just being a douche, in which case I will bring the smackdown and/or lock things down.
3.) It might take me a while to answer a question. Don't take it personally. Could be that I wandered off to do other things, could be that it's a new one and I need time to think about it lest my answer be incoherent and/or incorrect. If other aces on my flist want to chime in, I think that would be awesome, but I'm sure I'll get to things eventually.
4.) The ace spectrum is a varied place, and while I will try to be inclusive, bear in mind that I am not speaking for the asexual community as a whole.

Some quick notes for you:
1.) It is okay to be curious!
2.) It is not okay to dehumanize someone else because you're curious; I am not your patient or your specimen. If your question is of an intensely personal nature, you may want to generalize it a bit--either way, you're probably going to get a generalized answer (what with me not being an accurate representation of the entire community and all).
3.) Try to be cool.
4.) If you want to explore the topic on your own (which I strongly encourage), here are some resources:

- The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN). I am not active on this site and have heard some discouraging things about the forums, but it's a good place to go for the basics. It's also pretty much THE big asexuality website, so there you go.
- Google "Swankivy." She is on many different social networks (including LJ, Tumblr, and Youtube) and does great work on the awareness front. Her patience far surpasses my own, and she's wonderfully articulate, even when dealing with the most obnoxious trolls you could imagine. You can learn a lot by looking through her archives.

I think that's about it. Ask away.

And if you have no interest in this topic at all, enjoy this gif of a corgi:

Comments

[tabslock.livejournal.com]

I might have to think about it a little before I ask any questions, but I wanted to say now that:

a) it's really cool of you to provide this forum for people to increase their understanding and awareness, and

b) I initially read your first sentence as "I identify as asexual and aromatic" and heard Shirley in my head saying, "Oh, that's nice!"

[nobleplatypus]

a) Thanks. It's easy to get caught in a vicious cycle of "I don't talk about this because nobody understands because I don't talk about it," so here is me breaking the cycle. Whee!

b) I think just about everyone reads it that way at first. Most text programs tend to autocorrect it, too, so I'm always paranoid that I didn't catch it. XD

And now I'm hearing Shirley in my head.

[tabslock.livejournal.com]

There are worse voices to have in your head than Shirley's!

Okay, a question (and I'm trying not to feel silly or shy about it)... A few weeks ago we shared a squee over this:

I MAY HAVE SKIPPED BACK TO REWATCH THE SCENE IN WHICH [ABED] CHANNELS DON DRAPER TO PUT THE MOVES ON ANNIE. BECAUSE IT WAS SHOCKINGLY HOT.

What does that mean in an asexual context?

I feel like that sounds like I'm trying to catch you in a lie or something, which please believe me I am not - it's just that at the time I wasn't really thinking about the asexuality angle, and now that I am, it's something I'm curious about.

[nobleplatypus]

Haha, no worries. Hopefully I can answer this coherently.

This is partly a case of appreciating something without actually wanting it, much like you can admire a nice painting in a gallery without thinking, "I have to have this on my wall!" And it's partly a case of watching a show with your focus on the character's feelings and not on your own.

I can appreciate that what Abed did was excessively hot (exhibit a: I like his beautiful face; exhibit b: his voice got all deep and purr-y and I like that, too; exhibit c: Annie was totally into it) while also recognizing that if I had been in Annie's position, I would have giggled nervously and scooted away from him the moment he sat down because people invading my personal space makes me uncomfortable as all get-out.

Plus, as I said, Annie was into it, and that makes a HUGE difference. She was clearly enjoying it, so I enjoyed it with her, but if she'd been taken aback or displeased I would have tapped into that, instead, and been skeeved out by Abed's behavior.

[tabslock.livejournal.com]

So are asexuality and aromanticism (is that the noun?) less about "I don't find sex/romance appealing" and more about "I don't find sex/romance appealing as an option for me personally, but it's appealing when it presents as a mutually satisfying option for others"?

And it's partly a case of watching a show with your focus on the character's feelings and not on your own.

That's a really good illustrative point. I love A LOT of characters who make choices that I wouldn't make, but the fact that I wouldn't choose to act that way myself has no effect whatsoever on my appreciation of their choices in the context of their characters and my empathy for them.

(P.S. Icon love.)

[nobleplatypus]

I think that's a pretty accurate summation of my attitude--most of the time--though I'm not speaking for the whole community.

As I briefly addressed upthread with hukbillgoomba, I'm not going to automatically support a fictional, canonical romance just because the characters are okay with it. I might find it problematic for other reasons, like, "I think having a relationship begin with the man following the woman around even though she tells him to quit it perpetuates some pretty gross ideas about what constitutes 'romance,'" but I don't find sex or romance inherently problematic or bothersome in fiction. Or in real life, so long as it's not involving me.

Or, to put it more bluntly, the fact that I am disinterested in sex and romance, personally, does not mean that I never want to see it anywhere and wish it would all just go away. :P

That being said, I do have a really strong appreciation for fictional platonic relationships and would kind of like to see more of those. And I do find myself feeling irked when fandom absolutely insists on projecting romance onto awesome friendships. There's nothing wrong with valuing romantic relationships, but the attitude that a relationship can't be close/deep/significant unless it's romantic (and therefore sexual) can't die quickly enough, as far as I'm concerned.

[tabslock.livejournal.com]

Okay, I think that clears it up for me. Thank you!

"I think having a relationship begin with the man following the woman around even though she tells him to quit it perpetuates some pretty gross ideas about what constitutes 'romance,'"

With you on that one.

the attitude that a relationship can't be close/deep/significant unless it's romantic (and therefore sexual) can't die quickly enough

That one too!

[featherfish.livejournal.com]

To build on what Platy said... it's just like how gay people can enjoy heterosexual relationships (since that's mostly what there is readily available) in TV/movies/books/etc, while not actually wanting it for themselves. Asexuality is just another streak on the sexuality spectrum - individuals who appreciate fellow humans are totally capable of empathizing with and rooting for other people, even when their desires totally don't match up. There are a LOT of straight women on the internet for example who are all about homoerotic relationships. This isn't a perfect comparison, since that has a lot to do with titilation and pleasure, but it's still an experience you wouldn't (and COULDN'T) have but are capable of following and enjoying.

And there's also a linguistic/cultural element... to refer to a character as "shockingly hot" is to speak the language. That's how to relate your feelings on Abed in that scene without getting into the deeper annals of why you feel that way - you just have to drop that familiar turn of phrase, and everyone knows what you're talking about. Efficiency, basically, and simplicity of conversation, because being asexual isn't a full time job and not the endpoint of every conversation you want to open. Hope that makes sense!!

[tabslock.livejournal.com]

This is very helpful, thanks for chiming in!