Doctor Hooey 1.2
Feb. 5th, 2007 03:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nobleplatypusDisclaimer: MUAHAHAHA.
It occurred to Chrysanthemum that in the time it had taken for the man to complain, pick himself up, and brush himself off, the mammoth could easily have gored her with one of its massive tusks. But when she turned to check how close she was to imminent death, she was surprised to see that the beast hadn't moved. It had paused mid-step, one hairy foot hovering above the pavement, and was looking at the man with its ears pricked forward.
"Well," the man said. Chrysanthemum turned back to look at him, and he flashed her a manic grin. "Shall we?" With that, he turned and sprinted off, the ridiculous scarf flapping gaily behind him.
There was an earth-shattering thud from behind her, which Chrysanthemum guessed was the product of a giant, hairy foot forcefully meeting the ground. But this time, she didn't turn to check. Instead, she grabbed Mike's arm and dashed after the rapidly retreating stranger, determined (though she wasn't quite sure why) not to lose him.
After careening down a few streets with more arm-flailing enthusiasm than Chrysanthemum thought was necessary, the man ducked into a narrow alleyway. She followed, dragging Mike behind her, and immediately had to skid to a halt to avoid bowling the stranger over.
The man blinked at her, then grinned in sudden recognition, as if it had been weeks since he'd seen her last and he'd needed a moment to place her. "Oh, hello!"
Chrysanthemum stared at him in consternation (he didn't even have the decency to look winded from the run), then turned to check for following mammoths. There was no sign of the creature, so she turned back to the stranger and pointed an unsteady finger at him. "You have some idea of what's going on?" She'd meant it to sound like an accusation, but somewhere between "have" and "of," it had turned into more of a desperate plea. To compensate, she tried to look accusing, but judging by the man's faintly amused expression, she was doing a poor job of that, too.
"I might," he began, his expression sobering as he approached a battered, industrial-sized washing machine, "have a very, very, very vague idea." He opened the washer, chucked the broken instrument inside, and swung it shut with a flourish.
"Who are you, anyway?" Mike asked, leaning against the brickwork as he caught his breath.
The stranger beamed. "I'm the Doctor."
Chrysanthemum frowned. "The Doctor?"
The man's grin grew impossibly wider. "You've heard of me, then?" After taking in Chrysanthemum's baffled look, he continued at a cracking pace: "Or was your emphasis on 'the' your way of indicating skepticism or disbelief that I could possibly consider myself the only doctor in existence, because there are obviously many doctors on earth, and you probably know some of them personally, and some of them probably know you a bit more personally than perhaps you'd even like them to? If that's the case, and it probably is, then I can assure you that while I am not the only person to go by the title 'doctor,' I am the only Doctor-with-a-capital-D that is at all qualified to handle the singularly unique situation you have here. Also, my actual name is foreign and entirely unpronounceable, whereas the word 'doctor' is comprised of two friendly little syllables!" He grinned and rocked back on his heels. "Doc-torrrr! Isn't it lovely?"
The sensible part of Chrysanthemum's brain whispered that now would be a good time to run away from the crazy man. Now, while he was happy and looked to be unarmed. But the rest of her brain was still trying to process half of what the man--the Doctor--had said. After a few moments, she shook her head.
"Bollocks."
The Doctor peered at her, looking just a tiny bit unsettled. "What, don't you like the word 'doctor'?" He pouted a little, but Chrysanthemum just shook her head again, more sharply this time.
"Chrys," Mike plucked at her sleeve, but she shrugged him off and continued to glare at the Doctor.
"Can you," she asked slowly and distinctly, "or can you not do something about that mammoth?"
"Well," he said, clearly preparing to launch into another borderline-incomprehensible speech, "it's a bit more than just a mammoth--quite a bit more, in fa--"
"Yes or no, Doctor?" Chrysanthemum snapped impatiently. He blinked at her in something like astonishment, then smiled.
"Yes, I can."
Chrysanthemum nodded. "Then we'll help."
"We'll what?" Mike cried.
"To help make up for breaking your..." Chrysanthemum gestured vaguely towards the washing machine, "whatever it was."
The Doctor considered her for a moment, completely ignoring Mike (who was spluttering indignantly in the background). A manic grin--already familiar--slowly spread across his face. He rocked forward onto the balls of his feet, shoved his hands in his pockets, and chirped, "Fantastic!"
It occurred to Chrysanthemum that in the time it had taken for the man to complain, pick himself up, and brush himself off, the mammoth could easily have gored her with one of its massive tusks. But when she turned to check how close she was to imminent death, she was surprised to see that the beast hadn't moved. It had paused mid-step, one hairy foot hovering above the pavement, and was looking at the man with its ears pricked forward.
"Well," the man said. Chrysanthemum turned back to look at him, and he flashed her a manic grin. "Shall we?" With that, he turned and sprinted off, the ridiculous scarf flapping gaily behind him.
There was an earth-shattering thud from behind her, which Chrysanthemum guessed was the product of a giant, hairy foot forcefully meeting the ground. But this time, she didn't turn to check. Instead, she grabbed Mike's arm and dashed after the rapidly retreating stranger, determined (though she wasn't quite sure why) not to lose him.
After careening down a few streets with more arm-flailing enthusiasm than Chrysanthemum thought was necessary, the man ducked into a narrow alleyway. She followed, dragging Mike behind her, and immediately had to skid to a halt to avoid bowling the stranger over.
The man blinked at her, then grinned in sudden recognition, as if it had been weeks since he'd seen her last and he'd needed a moment to place her. "Oh, hello!"
Chrysanthemum stared at him in consternation (he didn't even have the decency to look winded from the run), then turned to check for following mammoths. There was no sign of the creature, so she turned back to the stranger and pointed an unsteady finger at him. "You have some idea of what's going on?" She'd meant it to sound like an accusation, but somewhere between "have" and "of," it had turned into more of a desperate plea. To compensate, she tried to look accusing, but judging by the man's faintly amused expression, she was doing a poor job of that, too.
"I might," he began, his expression sobering as he approached a battered, industrial-sized washing machine, "have a very, very, very vague idea." He opened the washer, chucked the broken instrument inside, and swung it shut with a flourish.
"Who are you, anyway?" Mike asked, leaning against the brickwork as he caught his breath.
The stranger beamed. "I'm the Doctor."
Chrysanthemum frowned. "The Doctor?"
The man's grin grew impossibly wider. "You've heard of me, then?" After taking in Chrysanthemum's baffled look, he continued at a cracking pace: "Or was your emphasis on 'the' your way of indicating skepticism or disbelief that I could possibly consider myself the only doctor in existence, because there are obviously many doctors on earth, and you probably know some of them personally, and some of them probably know you a bit more personally than perhaps you'd even like them to? If that's the case, and it probably is, then I can assure you that while I am not the only person to go by the title 'doctor,' I am the only Doctor-with-a-capital-D that is at all qualified to handle the singularly unique situation you have here. Also, my actual name is foreign and entirely unpronounceable, whereas the word 'doctor' is comprised of two friendly little syllables!" He grinned and rocked back on his heels. "Doc-torrrr! Isn't it lovely?"
The sensible part of Chrysanthemum's brain whispered that now would be a good time to run away from the crazy man. Now, while he was happy and looked to be unarmed. But the rest of her brain was still trying to process half of what the man--the Doctor--had said. After a few moments, she shook her head.
"Bollocks."
The Doctor peered at her, looking just a tiny bit unsettled. "What, don't you like the word 'doctor'?" He pouted a little, but Chrysanthemum just shook her head again, more sharply this time.
"Chrys," Mike plucked at her sleeve, but she shrugged him off and continued to glare at the Doctor.
"Can you," she asked slowly and distinctly, "or can you not do something about that mammoth?"
"Well," he said, clearly preparing to launch into another borderline-incomprehensible speech, "it's a bit more than just a mammoth--quite a bit more, in fa--"
"Yes or no, Doctor?" Chrysanthemum snapped impatiently. He blinked at her in something like astonishment, then smiled.
"Yes, I can."
Chrysanthemum nodded. "Then we'll help."
"We'll what?" Mike cried.
"To help make up for breaking your..." Chrysanthemum gestured vaguely towards the washing machine, "whatever it was."
The Doctor considered her for a moment, completely ignoring Mike (who was spluttering indignantly in the background). A manic grin--already familiar--slowly spread across his face. He rocked forward onto the balls of his feet, shoved his hands in his pockets, and chirped, "Fantastic!"
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Date: 2007-02-06 03:01 am (UTC)- Silver Rose
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Date: 2007-02-06 04:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-06 03:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-06 04:55 am (UTC)Hell, ANY kind of flailing makes me giggle.
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Date: 2007-02-06 04:57 am (UTC)Damn it
Date: 2007-02-06 04:57 am (UTC)Re: Damn it
Date: 2007-02-06 05:04 am (UTC)I'll write more just for you, since you're couch-ridden. ;)
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Date: 2007-02-06 05:05 am (UTC)That was random. Anyway. Perfect as usual; your parody skills remain impeccable. ^_^
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Date: 2007-02-06 05:14 am (UTC)The sad thing is, the only reason it's parody is because the show's gotten so grim. :P There's no reason it can't be this cracktastic all the time! Or at least most of the time!
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Date: 2007-02-06 05:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-06 05:15 am (UTC)Thanks muchly. ^_^
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Date: 2007-02-06 03:18 pm (UTC)The Doctor's explanations are much love.
YOU are much love <3
XDD
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Date: 2007-02-06 07:37 pm (UTC)