Mockfest 3

[nobleplatypus]

Chapter 3

Randi opened her eyes and sat bolt upright in bed. She was in a room that consisted of almost every building material known to man carved into almost every graceful and pure-looking sculpture known to man. The floor was a blindingly-white wood of some kind that hurt to look at. Her dresser was made of white marble and carved to look like a swan and a dolphin and a pony and a kitten and a pretty lady all at once, depending on how you held your head when you looked at it. Her four-post bed (also glaringly-white wood) was carved with a ridiculously large number of flowers and birds, and the birds (Randi realized when she held her breath and put her ear right up to them) were chirping faintly.

"I'm in hell!" Randi whispered in horror, struggling out of the bed. "I'm in RivendHELL!!"

Before she could run out the door, a tall, wise-looking, dark-haired elf with a silver circlet on his head swept in.

"Ah, my long-lost, third-cousin's niece! How did you sleep, Litherienennalleluiacarabethielawen?"

Randi staggered back in horror. "Who are you, and what the hell did you just call me?!"

The elf raised his eyebrows, looking confused and pitying and infuriatingly wise all at once. "I am your uncle Elrond, and I called you by your name, Litherienenn-"

"THAT IS NOT MY NAME!" Randi shouted, and Elrond winced. "MY NAME IS RANDI, AND I DO NOT BELONG HERE!!!"

"Are you feeling all right?" The elf frowned at her.

"NO! No, I am NOT forking all right!!!" Randi shifted nervously, wondering if she could dash around Elrond and make a break for it.

"Well, there is a council meeting today that I would like you attend for some reason..."

Randi gasped in horror. "NEVER!" She darted past Elrond and out the door, careening down the numerous corridors as fast as she could. She had to find a way out of here, but it seemed that the Last Homely Hell-house itself was determined to keep her around, since she found herself completely lost in a matter of moments. Randi was trying to pry a statue off of the ground and use it to break through the walls when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"My lady? Are you all right?"

The author burst into gales of hysterical laughter.

Randi spun around, and her eyes widened. She stumbled back away from the tall, blonde-haired elf and held her fists out threateningly.

"You stay the fork away from me! I know what this is!" Randi shook her fists. "I KNOW WHAT THIS IS, CELESTINA WINDBREAKER, DAMN YOU!!!!"

The not-so-strange elf took a tentative step closer, and Randi started looking frantically around for a weapon of some kind, and half-heartedly wishing that Celestina had given her terrifying telepathic powers along with everything else.

"I heard shouting. Was that you?"

"YES! YES, IT WAS ME!" Randi leaped back. "Don't you dare forking touch me!!!! I have a boyfriend! He'll kick your ass!!"

With a shriek of manic delight, the author switched POVs

------------------------ Leggy-poo's POV ----------------------------------- -------------

Legolas had immediately recognized Elrond's long-lost third-cousin's niece Litherienennalleluiacarabethielawen, despite the fact that he had never seen her before in his entire life. He had NEVER expected her to be so ENCHANTING, however! Everything about her, from her hair to her eyes to the way she was shooting looks of utmost loathing at him, made him DIZZY with DESIRE! I mean, LOVE! DIZZY with pure, unadulterated LOVE! And PITY! DIZZY with LOVE and PITY! But he didn't realize that he was in love, because despite his mind-boggling age and wisdom, he was out-of-touch with his own feelings. So we'll just say that he was filled with pity and some unnamed emotion that he chose to temporarily ignore. He, like everyone else, had heard the heart-breaking tales of her upbringing. How ANYONE could have done ANYTHING to hurt ANYONE so BEAUTIFUL and PURE was beyond him.

-------------------Randi's POV---------------------------------------------- -----------------

"I said, stay back, damn it!" Randi stepped back again, glaring at Legolas, who was looking at her with a mix of pity and gentle understanding that Randi found nauseating. When the elf took another step forward, Randi turned and bolted. Better, she reasoned, to be lost than to be hit on by fictional characters from a book she had never even read.

"My lady, wait!" Legolas cried, giving chase. Randi shrieked. Thank goodness she was half-elven; she was fast enough that Legolas couldn't catch her!

Randi slid around a corner and stumbled out a door into a courtyard of some kind. She ran straight into a stone pedestal and leaned against it, breathing heavily. Then she realized where she was and groaned in dismay.

"Litherienennalleluiacarabethielawen, you decided to come after all!" Elrond smiled at his long-lost third-cousin's niece from the chair he was sitting in. Legolas trotted into the courtyard a moment later and smiled at her.

Randi staggered over to the shrubbery and was sick.

Comments

[artekka.livejournal.com]

I'm just tickled no end that you put "alleluia" in the middle of that name.

And the words in caps. That amuses me as well.

You know, that name's not so bad once you've sounded it out once. To pronounce, I mean. Has a sort of rhythm. lol

[platy-fics.livejournal.com]

Wow, someone's here! *beams*

I figure "alleluia" sounds elven enough. ;) And the name does have a nice rhythm... like something with four legs running really fast... up a staircase. Or something.

[mizamour.livejournal.com]

Hehehe... my friend told me about this fic, and I have to say it is as awesome as it sounded! She worships you, too, so it was a very enthusastic description :D It's such a great fic! I LOVE it!