Bad Guys #3
Aug. 10th, 2004 10:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nobleplatypusWhee...
Scene eight: We have to save Liz!
(on the street)
Will: (wakes up on the ground. There is a hen on his chest)
Hen: Hi, there! Uh, I mean, cluck!
Will: What the fork? (shoves hen off of chest) Ow, my head . . . how much did I have to drink last night?
Hen: You are not drunk; you were hit on the head by a bad guy. And they took Liz. Just thought you should know.
Will: Oh, yeah. Thanks, hen! You were a big help!
Hen: (shrugs wings) I do what I can. (bobs off)
Will: (goes to find Butch and Swann. Finds them) The bad guys took Liz! We have to save her!
Butch: Thin guard, will you get rid of this guy?
Will: But we have to save her!
Swann: And where should we start, huh? If you know where she is, by all means, tell us! (looks sad) At this rate, I won't get to force her to wed Butch at all! This blows!
Butch: You said it!
Thin guard: Hey . . . that Jack guy said some stuff 'bout the Black Pearl! I bet he knows all there is to know!
Fat guard: He did not say all that much, though.
Will: Well, let's make a deal with him! He could take us to it!
Butch: Yeah, right. Like that could work. If he was good pals with these bad guys, they would not have left him in his cell. And if he is not good pals with these bad guys, then he must not know squat as to where they are. I mean, duh! Use your head, kid! (shakes head)
Will: (swings small axe)
Will's small axe: THWACK! (hits map quite hard)
Map: OW! God damn it!!
Will: You SUCK, Butch!!
Butch: All right, who is the guy in charge here? (thinks for a bit) Let's see . . . (points to self) Yeah, that would be me, bitch! Not you. Me! And Liz is mine, so there! (hands axe back to Will) Now, why don't you fork off?
Will: I hate you. (storms off with axe)
(cut to jail)
Jack: (tries to pick lock with bone) Come on . . . come on . . . (drops bone) Damn it! (hears Will come in and lies on the floor with his eyes closed)
Will: You, Jack!
Jack: (yawns) That's my name, don't wear it out.
Will: You know that ship, the Black Pearl?
Jack: I've heard of it . . .
Will: Where does it make berth?
Jack: Where does it make berth? How can it make stuff; it's a ship, it's got no thumbs! (laughs a bit too hard at own joke)
Will: (growls) You know what I mean!
Jack: Oh, fine. (rolls eyes) The Black Pearl, crewed by a bunch of bad guys and led by the Boss, makes berth at the Isle of Doom, Death, and All Things Bad. But you can't find the place if you do not know where it is . . . like I do. Heh heh!
Will: Well, the ship is real, so the isle must be real, too. Where is it?
Jack: (looks at nails) Why ask me?
Will: (looks down) Cuz you are a bad guy!
Jack: Ah! (sits up and grins) Do you want to join the club?
Will: (glares through bars) Hell no! (looks down once more) They took Miss Swann.
Jack: So you HAVE found a girl! Way to go! (claps) Well, if you do mean to save her, you are on your own, mate. I don't see why I should risk my neck for you.
Will: Well, if you stay in here, won't they hang you?
Jack: Hmm. Good point.
Will: I can bust you out . . . if you say you will help me, first, that is.
Jack: Oh, and how will you do that? The dog left with the keys.
Will: I helped build this cell. I was in a bad mood that day, so I did a way bad job. If I give the door a few good whacks with this bench, it should cave right in!
Cell door: Don't you dare!
Bench: Wait . . . does he mean me?! Am I the bench he means?!?! I don't like this plan, not one bit!
Jack: Huh. (thinks for a bit) What is your name, kid?
Will: Will . . . but my last name is too long to say. You know how it is . . .
Jack: Yeah . . . (long pause) Will is a nice, strong name. No doubt you are named for your dad, eh?
Will: Uh . . . yeah . . . why?
Jack: Oh, I don't know . . . (coughs) Well, Will, I changed my mind. Bust me out of here and I swear on pain of death I will help you find the Black Pearl and your hot chick . . . (to self in soft voice) Note that I did not say that I would do more than that . . . bwa ha ha. (loud voice once more) Do we have a deal? (holds hand out through bars)
Will: Deal! (shakes Jack's hand)
Jack: Great! Now get me out!
Will: (picks up bench)
Bench: Bad touch!
Cell door: No! Nooooo!
Will: (slams door with the bench a few times)
Bench: Ow! Ow!
Cell door: Augh! I hate you, Will! Damn you! Damn you to HELL! (caves in) CLUNK! (hits floor quite hard and sobs) Why, why, why . . .
Jack: Hot damn!
Will: We should split; the guards will hear the door's sobs.
Cell door: I hope they catch you both and hang you till you are DEAD! Aarrrgghhh . . . (groans)
Jack: I have to get my stuff first! (grabs his stuff from the wall)
Bench: Ow . . .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Scene nine: Will and Jack steal a ship
(on the beach by the docks)
Will: You want to steal a ship? You want to steal that ship?! (points to nice big ship way the fork out there) Are you nuts?!
Jack: First of all, I do not steal ships. I use ships.
Will: (snorts) Ships that are not yours!
Jack: And your point is . . .?
Will: (looks at Jack and sighs)
Jack: Hmph. Where was I? Oh, yeah. (grins) We will not use that nice big ship, we will use that fast small ship with all of the food and stuff on it. (points to ship on the dock)
Will: I see. (this is a lie)
Jack: Oh, and by the way, just how far would you go for this girl?
Will: I would die for her!
Jack: Uh-huh.
Will: I would kill for her! (eyes start to mist)
Jack: Yeah?
Will: I would eat a whole lot of eggs for her!
Jack: (thinks for a bit) Raw?
Will: Sure!! (throws up hands) Why not?!
Jack: Well, then, this should be a lark.
(some guards trot by on the beach. They do not find it odd that a boat has just grown legs and strolled down in the sea)
Boat: This does not seem quite right to me.
(Jack and Will walk on sea floor with the boat on top of their heads)
Will: Hey, Jack?
Jack: What?
Will: Do boats float?
Jack: (gives Will a look) Yes, I find that most boats do float.
Will: And do men float?
Jack: More or less. Do you have a point?
Will: And a sealed bag of air would float, too, right?
Jack: Of course it would!
Will: So, if we float, and if boats float, and if this boat is full of air, which floats . . . how did we get down here?
Jack: (long pause) Just shut up, all right?
Boat: That must be why things don't feel quite right! It all makes sense, now!
Will: Oh, fine. (short pause) Hey, Jack?
Jack: (snaps) WHAT?!
Will: I stepped in a wood cage thing.
Jack: Good for you.
Will: I just thought I would tell you.
Jack: Yeah.
Will: (one more short pause) Jack?
Jack: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Will: Are you mad at me?
Jack: (shuts eyes and counts to ten)
(they walk on the sea floor a bit more, then reach the nice big ship and climb on board)
Jack: (walks down the deck with his gun held out) All right, gents, just stay calm. We would like to use this ship, and if you try to stop us, we will be forced to kick ass. And you don't want us to have to do that.
Will: (holds out sword) Aye! Arr! ARRRR!!! (waves sword) AAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!
Guards on nice big boat: HA! What a dork! (they all laugh quite hard)
Jack: (gives Will a look)
Will: What?
Jack: Just keep your mouth shut, all right?
Will: Oh, all right. (pause) Hey, Jack?
Jack: Yes?
Will: By 'dork', do they mean me?
Jack: Yes, and I can't say that I blame them.
Will: Oh. (looks hurt)
Gill: (to Jack) You two can't sail this nice big boat! You won't make it out of the bay, freak!
Jack: (points gun at Gill's nose) Son, I am Jack the Great! I could sail a whole fleet with just me and a well-trained seal, got it? Now, why don't you and your men fork off?
Gill: Gulp.
(cut to small fast ship at the dock)
Guard: (sees Gill and his men in a small boat and not in the nice big ship) Hey, Butch? You should come see this!
Gill: (shouts) They took the nice big ship! Jack and Will took the ship!
(Butch looks through spy glass at the nice big ship. He can see Will flap a rope up and down, which comes loose and whacks Jack in the face. Jack falls down, and then gets back up with both hands clamped on his nose. He kicks Will in the shin. Will starts to cry)
Butch: Well, those two won't get too far. That Jack has to be the worst bad guy in the world! Set sail; we'll catch them!
(cut to nice big ship)
Will: (wipes tears and sniffs a bit) You did not have to kick me that hard! (sees the small fast ship set sail) Here they come. (scowls at Jack) If they get us, I sure hope they kick you in the shins!
Jack: Well, I hope they shoot you! Since when are you five years old, for pete's sake?!
Will: I think it is just for this scene.
Jack: Thank God!
(cut to small boat)
Gill: Bring her 'round! Bring her 'round!
(Butch and his men board the nice big ship)
Butch: Search each room! Find them!
(Jack and Will swing to the small fast ship on ropes and cut it loose. Then they start to sail off)
Butch: I think we should get off the boat. (sees Jack and Will sail off) Get off the boat! Quick!
Some guy: (tries to swing to small fast ship) Wheeeeeeee! SPLOOSH!!! (does not make it and lands in the sea)
Jack: Hee hee hee! Thanks, Butch! Way to get us all set to sail! We owe you one!
Will: Nyah nyah! (sticks out tounge)
Butch: Damn it! Turn this ship! We have to shoot them down! Get out the guns!
Guard: Dude, that is our own ship! And it is so darn cute, as well!
Butch: Sink it! I don't want some bad guy to have it!
Guard: Well, fine. Turn the ship and get out the guns!
Some guy: We can't turn! The wheel is on strike!
Wheel: That dumb elf boy just had to nick me with his axe . . . I am in a bad mood and I will be damned if I turn for you folks!
Nice big ship: (to small boat) I think I will smash you, if you don't mind.
Small boat: Eep!
Gill: Oh, fork! Jump!! (all of his men jump out of their small boat as the nice big ship rips it to bits)
Small boat: AAAIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! CRUNCH! (dies)
Butch: God damn it!
Guard: (looks on as Jack and Will sail off) That has to be the best bad guy in the world!
Butch: Say that one more time and I will rip out your lungs with my own two bare hands!
Guard: Eep!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Scene ten: Will and Jack have talk on the boat
Will: (makes sword sharp) So when I was a boy, my mom raised me and I had to walk to school through three feet of snow with no shoes, and it was up hill both ways.
Jack: Sounds harsh.
Will: Yeah, it was. So as soon as my mom had snuffed it, I came here to find my dad in a land where it does not snow and shoes are cheap.
Jack: You don't say.
Will: My dad, you know, Will. Whose last name is too long to say! And when I talked to you in the jail you did not say you would help me till you heard I was named for my dad! I am not dumb, Jack! You knew my dad!
Jack: I know your dad. He lives in you! (starts to laugh)
Will: You mean my tape worm?
Will's tape worm: Did some guy just say my name? It is not Will. It's George.
Jack: Uh . . . (long, long, long pause)
Will: What?
Jack: Uh . . .
George: What?
Will: (to George) Wait . . . if your name is George, then you can't be my dad, cuz I am named for my dad and my name is not George! (laughs and shoves Jack) You are nuts, man!
Jack: Uh . . . right. (clears throat) So . . .
Will: You knew my dad!
Jack: Oh, right. Yeah, I knew him. I was one of the few who knew him as Will, most just called him Bill or Old Boots. He was one hell of a bad guy. I swear you look just like him.
Will: YOU LIE!!! My dad was a good man who did not break the law!
Jack: Yeah, he did not break it, he flogged it! (snorts)
Will: Shut up! He did not! (pulls out sword and points it at Jack)
Jack: Oh, put that down. Don't make me kick your ass once more.
Will: You did not kick my ass! You did not fight fair; if you had, I would have killed you DEAD!
Jack: Well, why should I fight fair, then? (spins wheel so that boom swings 'round and hits Will in the chest)
Will: (swings out past the edge of the boat and just hangs there)
Jack: All right, here is the deal. A man can do some things, and a man can't do some things. Get it?
Will: Uh . . . no.
Jack: All right. (thinks for a bit) Let's say there is a red rose and a white rose, and you get a pink rose if you . . . no, that's not right . . . (thinks some more)
Will: Can I come back on the boat, now?
Jack: NO! Not till you get it! (strokes beard and thinks some more) How 'bout, when two folks are in love, they . . . no, that is not right . . . what 'bout, there comes a time in a young man's life, when… no…
Will: But my arms hurt. And I think I see a shark!
Jack: Then don't let go, twit! Now shut up, I need to think!
Will: Jack, a bunch more sharks are down there now . . . I think they know how to jump…
Jack: I said shut up! (thinks hard for a bit, then his face lights up) All right! I got it now! You have a choice, all right? Get me so far?
Will: Uh . . .
Sharks: You won't get it, kid. Just let go! Heh heh!
Will: Aaauuugh!
Jack: I will take that as a yes. Now, your dad was a bad guy, but a good man. Get it?
Will: Sure!!!! (looks down at sharks and starts to sweat) Yes, yes, it all makes sense! Pull me back!
Jack: I am not done, yet. So, your dad was a bad guy and a good man, and . . . now, what was the rest . . .?
Will: (moans in fear)
Jack: Oh yeah! So, bad guy is in your blood, and you just have to deal with that! Right! But you can choose to deal with that, but you will have to! Get it? (grins)
Will: Oh, god . . . that one looks like it wants to jump real bad, Jack . . .
Shark: CUZ I DO!!!!
Will: Augh!
Jack: Now, me, I could let you fall and let the sharks eat you, right?
Will: WRONG!
Jack: But I need you to help me sail the boat! So . . . (goes to turn the wheel back)
Will: (slips) AAAUUUGGGHHH!!! SPLOOSH!!
Sharks: WOO HOO!
Jack: SHIT! (grabs oar to beat off sharks)
Will: (sinks)
Oar: (beats sharks)
Jack: (jumps in to save Will)
Oar: (still beats sharks) Take THAT! THWACK! And THAT! THWACK! And two more! THWACK, HONK, THWACK!
Goose: OW!
Will: (gets dragged back on the ship by Jack)
Jack: (to goose) Why are you here? It's not a sword fight scene!
Goose: Oh, oops.
Sharks: (eat goose)
Will: COUGH COUGH!
Jack: Are you all right?
Will: I hate you.
Jack: So . . . do you get it, now? (smiles)
Will: I hate you a lot.
Jack: So . . . (gives Will back his sword) Can you sail with a bad guy, or can't you?
Will: (sighs) I guess I can. But I don't have to like it!
Jack: Fine. Now, we make for the Isle of Drunks and Whores!
Will: The Isle of Drunks and Whores? I thought it was the Isle of Whores and Drunks!
Jack: There are more Drunks than Whores, now. It's a damn shame. (hangs head)
Will: Uh, right. (wrings out shirt)
(they sail to the Isle of Drunks and Whores)
Jack: Ah . . . smell that sweet air!
Will: (sniffs) HACK! Cough cough cough . . . (falls down)
Jack: Ain't it great? I LOVE it here! Each town in the world should be just like this!
Will: Urk . . . (gets to feet)
Some girl: (walks up)
Jack: Jill!
Girl's hand: WHACK! (hits Jack's face quite hard)
Girl: (walks off)
Jack: I do not know what that was for.
Girl two: (walks up)
Jack: Bob!
Girl, I mean, guy two: Who was he?!
Guy two's hand: WHACK! (hits Jack quite hard)
Jack: Well, I sure don't know what that was for! (long pause) Well, I might know what that was for . . .
Will: Just shut up, Jack.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The next scene: Jack makes a deal with Gibbs
(in a sty on the Isle of Drunks and Whores)
Gibbs: Zzzzzzzzz . . .
Pigs: It's not what it looks like!
Jack: (throws large pail of wet stuff on Gibbs)
Gibbs: Cough! Darn it, and darn the jerk who woke me up! (looks up) Well, Jack! It's you! You know, it's way bad luck to wake a guy up, and REAL bad luck if the guy is me.
Jack: But it's GOOD luck to buy the guy that I woke up a drink!
Gibbs: Um . . . (thinks for a bit, then his face lights up) Oh, yeah! Yeah, that's GREAT luck! (gets up)
Will: (throws one more pail of wet stuff on Gibbs)
Gibbs: Ack! (glares at Will) I'm up, you jerk!
Will: That was for the smell.
Gibbs: Oh. Right. (shrugs and nods)
(they go to a bar)
Jack: (to Will) Keep a sharp eye out, all right?
Will: Right! (leans on a post)
Jack: (buys Gibbs a drink. They both sit down)
Gibbs: So, what's up?
Jack: I want to go for the Black Pearl.
Gibbs: COUGH HACK! (chokes on drink)
Jack: (pounds Gibbs on the back) Are you all right?
Gibbs: I am fine! You seem to be nuts!
Jack: I know where it is, and I want it back! So I plan to take it.
Gibbs: You *are* nuts! Don't be dumb! You know the tales, man!
Jack: That's why I know what the Boss is up to! Come on, Gibbs, all I need is a crew!
(cut to Will)
Some whore: (slurs) Hey there, big guy!
Will: Um, hi. (leans back)
(cut back to Jack)
Gibbs: From what I hear tell of the Boss, he's not a man to make deals with fools.
Jack: (frowns) Do I look like a fool to you?
Gibbs: Uh . . .
Jack: (scowls) Do I?!
Gibbs: Well, prove me wrong! What makes you think that the Boss will give up his ship to you?
Jack: Let's just say that I plan to trade the ship for the son of Old Boots!
Gibbs: Say what?
Jack: (jerks head towards Will)
Gibbs: I don't get it.
Jack: (jerks head some more)
Gibbs: Uh . . .
Jack: That COUGH kid COUGH by COUGH that COUGH post!
Gibbs: (frowns) That's some cough you've got there, Jack. You feel all right?
Jack: (stands up, grabs Gibbs's head and turns it so it points at Will) (screams) HIM! THAT BOY RIGHT THERE!!!!!
Gibbs: (it dawns on him) Oh!
Jack: (sits back down) Yes!
Will: (turns head) Did you mean me?
Jack: Of course not! Keep an eye out, now!
Will: Oh, right. (turns back)
Gibbs: So that kid is the son of Old Boots?
Jack: Yep!
Gibbs: Well, I changed my mind! I will find you a crew; there must be some folks on this rock as nuts as you!
Jack: I sure hope so! Take what you can . . .
Gibbs: And don't give it back!
(they toast)
Their mugs: Thwup!
Mug 1: What are we made of?
Mug 2: Sounds like foam to me.
Mug 1: Well, that sucks!
Mug 2: Cheap prop guys!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Scene twelve: The bad guys are cursed!
(on board the Black Pearl)
Pint: (to Liz) The Boss wants you to dine with him. And he wants you to wear this dress. (holds out dress)
Liz: Well, you can tell the Boss to fork off!
Pint: (looks at Rag and smirks) Heh heh! He said you would say that! And he said that if you don't put on this dress and eat with him, you'll eat with the crew, and you won't get to wear squat!
Rag: Hot damn!
Liz: Give me that! (grabs dress from Pint)
Pint: (looks hurt) Well, fine, then! (they storm out)
(cut to The Boss's room)
Food: (gets laid out)
Small Pig: Did they cook me or just knock me out and stick me on a plate?
Liz: (walks in and starts to eat. Takes way small bites)
The Boss: Heh heh, you don't have to take way small bites for me; I'm just a bad guy. You must be starved; dig right in!
Liz: (throws down fork and grabs a roast bird leg) SNARF MUNCH SMACK!
The Boss: (leans back) Whoa . . . slow down, you'll choke!
Liz: MUNCH GRUMPH SLURP SNORT CRUNCH!!!
Small ape: SCREECH! (means: Chug, chug, chug!)
The Boss: (pours some wine in a glass) Try the wine!
Liz: MUNCH thanks! SLURP SLURP! (drinks wine like the fool that she is)
The Boss: (holds out some fruit) And the fruit, some of that next, eh?
Liz: (stops and frowns) Oh, fork! The thought that you may have put bad stuff in the food to kill me just crossed my mind!
The Boss: Heh heh, don't be scared, Miss Liz! We don't want to kill you!
Liz: Then why keep me here? You have your dumb gold coin thing, you don't need me, why don't you let me go?
The Boss: (takes out gold coin thing) You don't know what this is, do you?
Liz: I know it is a bad guy gold coin thing.
The Boss: Oh, it's much more than that. This is a WAY OLD gold coin thing, one of a whole bunch of gold coin things in a way old stone chest that some guys gave to this one guy from Spain to get the one guy from Spain and his men to not kill the some guys. But the one guy from Spain still killed the some guys, so the old gods of the some guys put a bad-ass curse on the gold coin things. So if a guy takes just one gold coin thing from the stone chest, that guy gets cursed.
Liz: Well, that goes on the top ten list of dumb tales I've heard in my life.
The Boss: Yeah, that's what we thought when we first heard it, too. A way old chest on an Isle that can just be found by folks who know where it is. But we found the Isle, and we found the chest, and we found the gold coin things. And we took them all. We spent them on all sorts of stuff: food, drink, girls, cheap suits, trips to the zoo, gold teeth, hats that say "I Heart New York," geese, glow-in-the-dark beads for our beards (it's not just Jack that has style, you know!), kohl for our eyes, real bad eggs, bling bling, you know. Stuff like that. But the more we spent them, the worse things got. The food turned to ash in our mouths. The drink did not get us smashed. The girls were no fun at all. The cheap suits fell to bits . . . well, that might not have been the curse. But still. The zoo did not have bird shows. The gold teeth did not chew right . . . that might have been cuz the food was ash, but who knows? New York was not a real place yet. The geese flew off. The beads did not glow in the dark. The kohl burned our eyes and made us cry. The eggs did not smell. The bling bling did not shine. We are cursed men, Miss Liz! We were full of greed back then, and now we are WAY full of greed, and when I try to wear kohl, I get a rash! And it BURNS! DAMN IT!! (pounds fists on top of wood thing with legs that has the food on it)
Liz: (hides knife)
The Boss: There is one way we can end the curse. We have to put all of the coin things back, and pay back the blood that was owed. Thanks to you, we have the last coin thing.
Liz: And . . . uh . . . the, uh, blood? (thinks: Uh oh)
Small ape: (jumps up and down) SCREECH! (means: I love this part!!)
Boss: See, that's why we don't want to kill you . . . yet! (holds out fruit) Fruit?
Liz: Eek! (starts to run 'round the room, like that will help. She's still on a boat, for pete's sake)
The Boss: (gives chase) Arrr!
Liz: (stabs The Boss with the knife)
Knife: SQUISH!
The Boss: (pulls out knife)
Red stuff on knife: Am I blood or fruit juice?
The Boss: So . . . when I die, what will you do next?
Liz: Eek! (runs out of the room and on to the deck)
Bad guys: We are all bones! GROWL SPIT HISS HACK MOAN!
Liz: EEK!!!!!
Bad guys: (sing) Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go . . .
Liz: EEEEEEEK!!! (gets stuck in big wheel. The bad guys push her 'round for a bit) EEEEEEEEK!!! (falls back in a hole)
Big cloth thing: WHOOSH!
Liz: (flies up and down) Eek! Eek! Eek! Eek! (thinks: This might be kind of fun if they weren't all dead and stuff)
Bad guy on rope: (swings down and grabs her) Hi, there! I mean, uh, GROWL GROAN MOAN UURRRGH!
Liz: EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
(Liz and bad guy run 'round the wheel)
Bad guy: (tries to grab Liz)
Liz: (spins wheel)
Bad guy's head: CRACK!
Bad guy: (pulls head back up and snaps jaw back in to place) UURRRGH!
Liz: EEEK! (runs and hides by the stairs)
Small ape: (swings down by her head) SCREECH! SCREECH!! (means: Look at me, I am all bones, too!)
Liz: Eek! (runs back in the room and smacks in to The Boss)
The Boss: Look! Look how gross we all are! We are not a live like you, but we are not dead, so we can't die! And that sucks! A lot! For too long I have felt like a nice, cool beer but could not drink it! For too long have I been starved, but can't eat or die! I don't feel *squat*, not the wind on my face or the spray of the sea, or your warm, soft, skin! (holds out hand, which turns to bones in the light of the moon)
Liz: EW! (backs up)
The Boss: (moves out in to the light of the moon and turns to bones bit by bit) You'd best trust that ghost tales are true now, Miss Liz! Cuz YOU ARE IN ONE!
Liz: Eek! (runs past him)
The Boss: (chugs some wine, which flows down through his ribs) HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!!!
Bad guys: HA HA HA HA HA HA!
One bad guy: I don't get it.
The Boss: Well, get back to work!
Bad guys: (sing) Hi ho, hi ho . . .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Scene eight: We have to save Liz!
(on the street)
Will: (wakes up on the ground. There is a hen on his chest)
Hen: Hi, there! Uh, I mean, cluck!
Will: What the fork? (shoves hen off of chest) Ow, my head . . . how much did I have to drink last night?
Hen: You are not drunk; you were hit on the head by a bad guy. And they took Liz. Just thought you should know.
Will: Oh, yeah. Thanks, hen! You were a big help!
Hen: (shrugs wings) I do what I can. (bobs off)
Will: (goes to find Butch and Swann. Finds them) The bad guys took Liz! We have to save her!
Butch: Thin guard, will you get rid of this guy?
Will: But we have to save her!
Swann: And where should we start, huh? If you know where she is, by all means, tell us! (looks sad) At this rate, I won't get to force her to wed Butch at all! This blows!
Butch: You said it!
Thin guard: Hey . . . that Jack guy said some stuff 'bout the Black Pearl! I bet he knows all there is to know!
Fat guard: He did not say all that much, though.
Will: Well, let's make a deal with him! He could take us to it!
Butch: Yeah, right. Like that could work. If he was good pals with these bad guys, they would not have left him in his cell. And if he is not good pals with these bad guys, then he must not know squat as to where they are. I mean, duh! Use your head, kid! (shakes head)
Will: (swings small axe)
Will's small axe: THWACK! (hits map quite hard)
Map: OW! God damn it!!
Will: You SUCK, Butch!!
Butch: All right, who is the guy in charge here? (thinks for a bit) Let's see . . . (points to self) Yeah, that would be me, bitch! Not you. Me! And Liz is mine, so there! (hands axe back to Will) Now, why don't you fork off?
Will: I hate you. (storms off with axe)
(cut to jail)
Jack: (tries to pick lock with bone) Come on . . . come on . . . (drops bone) Damn it! (hears Will come in and lies on the floor with his eyes closed)
Will: You, Jack!
Jack: (yawns) That's my name, don't wear it out.
Will: You know that ship, the Black Pearl?
Jack: I've heard of it . . .
Will: Where does it make berth?
Jack: Where does it make berth? How can it make stuff; it's a ship, it's got no thumbs! (laughs a bit too hard at own joke)
Will: (growls) You know what I mean!
Jack: Oh, fine. (rolls eyes) The Black Pearl, crewed by a bunch of bad guys and led by the Boss, makes berth at the Isle of Doom, Death, and All Things Bad. But you can't find the place if you do not know where it is . . . like I do. Heh heh!
Will: Well, the ship is real, so the isle must be real, too. Where is it?
Jack: (looks at nails) Why ask me?
Will: (looks down) Cuz you are a bad guy!
Jack: Ah! (sits up and grins) Do you want to join the club?
Will: (glares through bars) Hell no! (looks down once more) They took Miss Swann.
Jack: So you HAVE found a girl! Way to go! (claps) Well, if you do mean to save her, you are on your own, mate. I don't see why I should risk my neck for you.
Will: Well, if you stay in here, won't they hang you?
Jack: Hmm. Good point.
Will: I can bust you out . . . if you say you will help me, first, that is.
Jack: Oh, and how will you do that? The dog left with the keys.
Will: I helped build this cell. I was in a bad mood that day, so I did a way bad job. If I give the door a few good whacks with this bench, it should cave right in!
Cell door: Don't you dare!
Bench: Wait . . . does he mean me?! Am I the bench he means?!?! I don't like this plan, not one bit!
Jack: Huh. (thinks for a bit) What is your name, kid?
Will: Will . . . but my last name is too long to say. You know how it is . . .
Jack: Yeah . . . (long pause) Will is a nice, strong name. No doubt you are named for your dad, eh?
Will: Uh . . . yeah . . . why?
Jack: Oh, I don't know . . . (coughs) Well, Will, I changed my mind. Bust me out of here and I swear on pain of death I will help you find the Black Pearl and your hot chick . . . (to self in soft voice) Note that I did not say that I would do more than that . . . bwa ha ha. (loud voice once more) Do we have a deal? (holds hand out through bars)
Will: Deal! (shakes Jack's hand)
Jack: Great! Now get me out!
Will: (picks up bench)
Bench: Bad touch!
Cell door: No! Nooooo!
Will: (slams door with the bench a few times)
Bench: Ow! Ow!
Cell door: Augh! I hate you, Will! Damn you! Damn you to HELL! (caves in) CLUNK! (hits floor quite hard and sobs) Why, why, why . . .
Jack: Hot damn!
Will: We should split; the guards will hear the door's sobs.
Cell door: I hope they catch you both and hang you till you are DEAD! Aarrrgghhh . . . (groans)
Jack: I have to get my stuff first! (grabs his stuff from the wall)
Bench: Ow . . .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Scene nine: Will and Jack steal a ship
(on the beach by the docks)
Will: You want to steal a ship? You want to steal that ship?! (points to nice big ship way the fork out there) Are you nuts?!
Jack: First of all, I do not steal ships. I use ships.
Will: (snorts) Ships that are not yours!
Jack: And your point is . . .?
Will: (looks at Jack and sighs)
Jack: Hmph. Where was I? Oh, yeah. (grins) We will not use that nice big ship, we will use that fast small ship with all of the food and stuff on it. (points to ship on the dock)
Will: I see. (this is a lie)
Jack: Oh, and by the way, just how far would you go for this girl?
Will: I would die for her!
Jack: Uh-huh.
Will: I would kill for her! (eyes start to mist)
Jack: Yeah?
Will: I would eat a whole lot of eggs for her!
Jack: (thinks for a bit) Raw?
Will: Sure!! (throws up hands) Why not?!
Jack: Well, then, this should be a lark.
(some guards trot by on the beach. They do not find it odd that a boat has just grown legs and strolled down in the sea)
Boat: This does not seem quite right to me.
(Jack and Will walk on sea floor with the boat on top of their heads)
Will: Hey, Jack?
Jack: What?
Will: Do boats float?
Jack: (gives Will a look) Yes, I find that most boats do float.
Will: And do men float?
Jack: More or less. Do you have a point?
Will: And a sealed bag of air would float, too, right?
Jack: Of course it would!
Will: So, if we float, and if boats float, and if this boat is full of air, which floats . . . how did we get down here?
Jack: (long pause) Just shut up, all right?
Boat: That must be why things don't feel quite right! It all makes sense, now!
Will: Oh, fine. (short pause) Hey, Jack?
Jack: (snaps) WHAT?!
Will: I stepped in a wood cage thing.
Jack: Good for you.
Will: I just thought I would tell you.
Jack: Yeah.
Will: (one more short pause) Jack?
Jack: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Will: Are you mad at me?
Jack: (shuts eyes and counts to ten)
(they walk on the sea floor a bit more, then reach the nice big ship and climb on board)
Jack: (walks down the deck with his gun held out) All right, gents, just stay calm. We would like to use this ship, and if you try to stop us, we will be forced to kick ass. And you don't want us to have to do that.
Will: (holds out sword) Aye! Arr! ARRRR!!! (waves sword) AAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!
Guards on nice big boat: HA! What a dork! (they all laugh quite hard)
Jack: (gives Will a look)
Will: What?
Jack: Just keep your mouth shut, all right?
Will: Oh, all right. (pause) Hey, Jack?
Jack: Yes?
Will: By 'dork', do they mean me?
Jack: Yes, and I can't say that I blame them.
Will: Oh. (looks hurt)
Gill: (to Jack) You two can't sail this nice big boat! You won't make it out of the bay, freak!
Jack: (points gun at Gill's nose) Son, I am Jack the Great! I could sail a whole fleet with just me and a well-trained seal, got it? Now, why don't you and your men fork off?
Gill: Gulp.
(cut to small fast ship at the dock)
Guard: (sees Gill and his men in a small boat and not in the nice big ship) Hey, Butch? You should come see this!
Gill: (shouts) They took the nice big ship! Jack and Will took the ship!
(Butch looks through spy glass at the nice big ship. He can see Will flap a rope up and down, which comes loose and whacks Jack in the face. Jack falls down, and then gets back up with both hands clamped on his nose. He kicks Will in the shin. Will starts to cry)
Butch: Well, those two won't get too far. That Jack has to be the worst bad guy in the world! Set sail; we'll catch them!
(cut to nice big ship)
Will: (wipes tears and sniffs a bit) You did not have to kick me that hard! (sees the small fast ship set sail) Here they come. (scowls at Jack) If they get us, I sure hope they kick you in the shins!
Jack: Well, I hope they shoot you! Since when are you five years old, for pete's sake?!
Will: I think it is just for this scene.
Jack: Thank God!
(cut to small boat)
Gill: Bring her 'round! Bring her 'round!
(Butch and his men board the nice big ship)
Butch: Search each room! Find them!
(Jack and Will swing to the small fast ship on ropes and cut it loose. Then they start to sail off)
Butch: I think we should get off the boat. (sees Jack and Will sail off) Get off the boat! Quick!
Some guy: (tries to swing to small fast ship) Wheeeeeeee! SPLOOSH!!! (does not make it and lands in the sea)
Jack: Hee hee hee! Thanks, Butch! Way to get us all set to sail! We owe you one!
Will: Nyah nyah! (sticks out tounge)
Butch: Damn it! Turn this ship! We have to shoot them down! Get out the guns!
Guard: Dude, that is our own ship! And it is so darn cute, as well!
Butch: Sink it! I don't want some bad guy to have it!
Guard: Well, fine. Turn the ship and get out the guns!
Some guy: We can't turn! The wheel is on strike!
Wheel: That dumb elf boy just had to nick me with his axe . . . I am in a bad mood and I will be damned if I turn for you folks!
Nice big ship: (to small boat) I think I will smash you, if you don't mind.
Small boat: Eep!
Gill: Oh, fork! Jump!! (all of his men jump out of their small boat as the nice big ship rips it to bits)
Small boat: AAAIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! CRUNCH! (dies)
Butch: God damn it!
Guard: (looks on as Jack and Will sail off) That has to be the best bad guy in the world!
Butch: Say that one more time and I will rip out your lungs with my own two bare hands!
Guard: Eep!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Scene ten: Will and Jack have talk on the boat
Will: (makes sword sharp) So when I was a boy, my mom raised me and I had to walk to school through three feet of snow with no shoes, and it was up hill both ways.
Jack: Sounds harsh.
Will: Yeah, it was. So as soon as my mom had snuffed it, I came here to find my dad in a land where it does not snow and shoes are cheap.
Jack: You don't say.
Will: My dad, you know, Will. Whose last name is too long to say! And when I talked to you in the jail you did not say you would help me till you heard I was named for my dad! I am not dumb, Jack! You knew my dad!
Jack: I know your dad. He lives in you! (starts to laugh)
Will: You mean my tape worm?
Will's tape worm: Did some guy just say my name? It is not Will. It's George.
Jack: Uh . . . (long, long, long pause)
Will: What?
Jack: Uh . . .
George: What?
Will: (to George) Wait . . . if your name is George, then you can't be my dad, cuz I am named for my dad and my name is not George! (laughs and shoves Jack) You are nuts, man!
Jack: Uh . . . right. (clears throat) So . . .
Will: You knew my dad!
Jack: Oh, right. Yeah, I knew him. I was one of the few who knew him as Will, most just called him Bill or Old Boots. He was one hell of a bad guy. I swear you look just like him.
Will: YOU LIE!!! My dad was a good man who did not break the law!
Jack: Yeah, he did not break it, he flogged it! (snorts)
Will: Shut up! He did not! (pulls out sword and points it at Jack)
Jack: Oh, put that down. Don't make me kick your ass once more.
Will: You did not kick my ass! You did not fight fair; if you had, I would have killed you DEAD!
Jack: Well, why should I fight fair, then? (spins wheel so that boom swings 'round and hits Will in the chest)
Will: (swings out past the edge of the boat and just hangs there)
Jack: All right, here is the deal. A man can do some things, and a man can't do some things. Get it?
Will: Uh . . . no.
Jack: All right. (thinks for a bit) Let's say there is a red rose and a white rose, and you get a pink rose if you . . . no, that's not right . . . (thinks some more)
Will: Can I come back on the boat, now?
Jack: NO! Not till you get it! (strokes beard and thinks some more) How 'bout, when two folks are in love, they . . . no, that is not right . . . what 'bout, there comes a time in a young man's life, when… no…
Will: But my arms hurt. And I think I see a shark!
Jack: Then don't let go, twit! Now shut up, I need to think!
Will: Jack, a bunch more sharks are down there now . . . I think they know how to jump…
Jack: I said shut up! (thinks hard for a bit, then his face lights up) All right! I got it now! You have a choice, all right? Get me so far?
Will: Uh . . .
Sharks: You won't get it, kid. Just let go! Heh heh!
Will: Aaauuugh!
Jack: I will take that as a yes. Now, your dad was a bad guy, but a good man. Get it?
Will: Sure!!!! (looks down at sharks and starts to sweat) Yes, yes, it all makes sense! Pull me back!
Jack: I am not done, yet. So, your dad was a bad guy and a good man, and . . . now, what was the rest . . .?
Will: (moans in fear)
Jack: Oh yeah! So, bad guy is in your blood, and you just have to deal with that! Right! But you can choose to deal with that, but you will have to! Get it? (grins)
Will: Oh, god . . . that one looks like it wants to jump real bad, Jack . . .
Shark: CUZ I DO!!!!
Will: Augh!
Jack: Now, me, I could let you fall and let the sharks eat you, right?
Will: WRONG!
Jack: But I need you to help me sail the boat! So . . . (goes to turn the wheel back)
Will: (slips) AAAUUUGGGHHH!!! SPLOOSH!!
Sharks: WOO HOO!
Jack: SHIT! (grabs oar to beat off sharks)
Will: (sinks)
Oar: (beats sharks)
Jack: (jumps in to save Will)
Oar: (still beats sharks) Take THAT! THWACK! And THAT! THWACK! And two more! THWACK, HONK, THWACK!
Goose: OW!
Will: (gets dragged back on the ship by Jack)
Jack: (to goose) Why are you here? It's not a sword fight scene!
Goose: Oh, oops.
Sharks: (eat goose)
Will: COUGH COUGH!
Jack: Are you all right?
Will: I hate you.
Jack: So . . . do you get it, now? (smiles)
Will: I hate you a lot.
Jack: So . . . (gives Will back his sword) Can you sail with a bad guy, or can't you?
Will: (sighs) I guess I can. But I don't have to like it!
Jack: Fine. Now, we make for the Isle of Drunks and Whores!
Will: The Isle of Drunks and Whores? I thought it was the Isle of Whores and Drunks!
Jack: There are more Drunks than Whores, now. It's a damn shame. (hangs head)
Will: Uh, right. (wrings out shirt)
(they sail to the Isle of Drunks and Whores)
Jack: Ah . . . smell that sweet air!
Will: (sniffs) HACK! Cough cough cough . . . (falls down)
Jack: Ain't it great? I LOVE it here! Each town in the world should be just like this!
Will: Urk . . . (gets to feet)
Some girl: (walks up)
Jack: Jill!
Girl's hand: WHACK! (hits Jack's face quite hard)
Girl: (walks off)
Jack: I do not know what that was for.
Girl two: (walks up)
Jack: Bob!
Girl, I mean, guy two: Who was he?!
Guy two's hand: WHACK! (hits Jack quite hard)
Jack: Well, I sure don't know what that was for! (long pause) Well, I might know what that was for . . .
Will: Just shut up, Jack.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The next scene: Jack makes a deal with Gibbs
(in a sty on the Isle of Drunks and Whores)
Gibbs: Zzzzzzzzz . . .
Pigs: It's not what it looks like!
Jack: (throws large pail of wet stuff on Gibbs)
Gibbs: Cough! Darn it, and darn the jerk who woke me up! (looks up) Well, Jack! It's you! You know, it's way bad luck to wake a guy up, and REAL bad luck if the guy is me.
Jack: But it's GOOD luck to buy the guy that I woke up a drink!
Gibbs: Um . . . (thinks for a bit, then his face lights up) Oh, yeah! Yeah, that's GREAT luck! (gets up)
Will: (throws one more pail of wet stuff on Gibbs)
Gibbs: Ack! (glares at Will) I'm up, you jerk!
Will: That was for the smell.
Gibbs: Oh. Right. (shrugs and nods)
(they go to a bar)
Jack: (to Will) Keep a sharp eye out, all right?
Will: Right! (leans on a post)
Jack: (buys Gibbs a drink. They both sit down)
Gibbs: So, what's up?
Jack: I want to go for the Black Pearl.
Gibbs: COUGH HACK! (chokes on drink)
Jack: (pounds Gibbs on the back) Are you all right?
Gibbs: I am fine! You seem to be nuts!
Jack: I know where it is, and I want it back! So I plan to take it.
Gibbs: You *are* nuts! Don't be dumb! You know the tales, man!
Jack: That's why I know what the Boss is up to! Come on, Gibbs, all I need is a crew!
(cut to Will)
Some whore: (slurs) Hey there, big guy!
Will: Um, hi. (leans back)
(cut back to Jack)
Gibbs: From what I hear tell of the Boss, he's not a man to make deals with fools.
Jack: (frowns) Do I look like a fool to you?
Gibbs: Uh . . .
Jack: (scowls) Do I?!
Gibbs: Well, prove me wrong! What makes you think that the Boss will give up his ship to you?
Jack: Let's just say that I plan to trade the ship for the son of Old Boots!
Gibbs: Say what?
Jack: (jerks head towards Will)
Gibbs: I don't get it.
Jack: (jerks head some more)
Gibbs: Uh . . .
Jack: That COUGH kid COUGH by COUGH that COUGH post!
Gibbs: (frowns) That's some cough you've got there, Jack. You feel all right?
Jack: (stands up, grabs Gibbs's head and turns it so it points at Will) (screams) HIM! THAT BOY RIGHT THERE!!!!!
Gibbs: (it dawns on him) Oh!
Jack: (sits back down) Yes!
Will: (turns head) Did you mean me?
Jack: Of course not! Keep an eye out, now!
Will: Oh, right. (turns back)
Gibbs: So that kid is the son of Old Boots?
Jack: Yep!
Gibbs: Well, I changed my mind! I will find you a crew; there must be some folks on this rock as nuts as you!
Jack: I sure hope so! Take what you can . . .
Gibbs: And don't give it back!
(they toast)
Their mugs: Thwup!
Mug 1: What are we made of?
Mug 2: Sounds like foam to me.
Mug 1: Well, that sucks!
Mug 2: Cheap prop guys!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Scene twelve: The bad guys are cursed!
(on board the Black Pearl)
Pint: (to Liz) The Boss wants you to dine with him. And he wants you to wear this dress. (holds out dress)
Liz: Well, you can tell the Boss to fork off!
Pint: (looks at Rag and smirks) Heh heh! He said you would say that! And he said that if you don't put on this dress and eat with him, you'll eat with the crew, and you won't get to wear squat!
Rag: Hot damn!
Liz: Give me that! (grabs dress from Pint)
Pint: (looks hurt) Well, fine, then! (they storm out)
(cut to The Boss's room)
Food: (gets laid out)
Small Pig: Did they cook me or just knock me out and stick me on a plate?
Liz: (walks in and starts to eat. Takes way small bites)
The Boss: Heh heh, you don't have to take way small bites for me; I'm just a bad guy. You must be starved; dig right in!
Liz: (throws down fork and grabs a roast bird leg) SNARF MUNCH SMACK!
The Boss: (leans back) Whoa . . . slow down, you'll choke!
Liz: MUNCH GRUMPH SLURP SNORT CRUNCH!!!
Small ape: SCREECH! (means: Chug, chug, chug!)
The Boss: (pours some wine in a glass) Try the wine!
Liz: MUNCH thanks! SLURP SLURP! (drinks wine like the fool that she is)
The Boss: (holds out some fruit) And the fruit, some of that next, eh?
Liz: (stops and frowns) Oh, fork! The thought that you may have put bad stuff in the food to kill me just crossed my mind!
The Boss: Heh heh, don't be scared, Miss Liz! We don't want to kill you!
Liz: Then why keep me here? You have your dumb gold coin thing, you don't need me, why don't you let me go?
The Boss: (takes out gold coin thing) You don't know what this is, do you?
Liz: I know it is a bad guy gold coin thing.
The Boss: Oh, it's much more than that. This is a WAY OLD gold coin thing, one of a whole bunch of gold coin things in a way old stone chest that some guys gave to this one guy from Spain to get the one guy from Spain and his men to not kill the some guys. But the one guy from Spain still killed the some guys, so the old gods of the some guys put a bad-ass curse on the gold coin things. So if a guy takes just one gold coin thing from the stone chest, that guy gets cursed.
Liz: Well, that goes on the top ten list of dumb tales I've heard in my life.
The Boss: Yeah, that's what we thought when we first heard it, too. A way old chest on an Isle that can just be found by folks who know where it is. But we found the Isle, and we found the chest, and we found the gold coin things. And we took them all. We spent them on all sorts of stuff: food, drink, girls, cheap suits, trips to the zoo, gold teeth, hats that say "I Heart New York," geese, glow-in-the-dark beads for our beards (it's not just Jack that has style, you know!), kohl for our eyes, real bad eggs, bling bling, you know. Stuff like that. But the more we spent them, the worse things got. The food turned to ash in our mouths. The drink did not get us smashed. The girls were no fun at all. The cheap suits fell to bits . . . well, that might not have been the curse. But still. The zoo did not have bird shows. The gold teeth did not chew right . . . that might have been cuz the food was ash, but who knows? New York was not a real place yet. The geese flew off. The beads did not glow in the dark. The kohl burned our eyes and made us cry. The eggs did not smell. The bling bling did not shine. We are cursed men, Miss Liz! We were full of greed back then, and now we are WAY full of greed, and when I try to wear kohl, I get a rash! And it BURNS! DAMN IT!! (pounds fists on top of wood thing with legs that has the food on it)
Liz: (hides knife)
The Boss: There is one way we can end the curse. We have to put all of the coin things back, and pay back the blood that was owed. Thanks to you, we have the last coin thing.
Liz: And . . . uh . . . the, uh, blood? (thinks: Uh oh)
Small ape: (jumps up and down) SCREECH! (means: I love this part!!)
Boss: See, that's why we don't want to kill you . . . yet! (holds out fruit) Fruit?
Liz: Eek! (starts to run 'round the room, like that will help. She's still on a boat, for pete's sake)
The Boss: (gives chase) Arrr!
Liz: (stabs The Boss with the knife)
Knife: SQUISH!
The Boss: (pulls out knife)
Red stuff on knife: Am I blood or fruit juice?
The Boss: So . . . when I die, what will you do next?
Liz: Eek! (runs out of the room and on to the deck)
Bad guys: We are all bones! GROWL SPIT HISS HACK MOAN!
Liz: EEK!!!!!
Bad guys: (sing) Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go . . .
Liz: EEEEEEEK!!! (gets stuck in big wheel. The bad guys push her 'round for a bit) EEEEEEEEK!!! (falls back in a hole)
Big cloth thing: WHOOSH!
Liz: (flies up and down) Eek! Eek! Eek! Eek! (thinks: This might be kind of fun if they weren't all dead and stuff)
Bad guy on rope: (swings down and grabs her) Hi, there! I mean, uh, GROWL GROAN MOAN UURRRGH!
Liz: EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
(Liz and bad guy run 'round the wheel)
Bad guy: (tries to grab Liz)
Liz: (spins wheel)
Bad guy's head: CRACK!
Bad guy: (pulls head back up and snaps jaw back in to place) UURRRGH!
Liz: EEEK! (runs and hides by the stairs)
Small ape: (swings down by her head) SCREECH! SCREECH!! (means: Look at me, I am all bones, too!)
Liz: Eek! (runs back in the room and smacks in to The Boss)
The Boss: Look! Look how gross we all are! We are not a live like you, but we are not dead, so we can't die! And that sucks! A lot! For too long I have felt like a nice, cool beer but could not drink it! For too long have I been starved, but can't eat or die! I don't feel *squat*, not the wind on my face or the spray of the sea, or your warm, soft, skin! (holds out hand, which turns to bones in the light of the moon)
Liz: EW! (backs up)
The Boss: (moves out in to the light of the moon and turns to bones bit by bit) You'd best trust that ghost tales are true now, Miss Liz! Cuz YOU ARE IN ONE!
Liz: Eek! (runs past him)
The Boss: (chugs some wine, which flows down through his ribs) HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!!!
Bad guys: HA HA HA HA HA HA!
One bad guy: I don't get it.
The Boss: Well, get back to work!
Bad guys: (sing) Hi ho, hi ho . . .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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Date: 2004-08-11 10:28 pm (UTC)