Croc Huntah of the Caribbean! NEW!

[nobleplatypus]

Platy: Yes, I know, it took me forever.
Jack: Wait... what are we updating, now?
Platy: Croc Huntah of the Caribbean, duh.
Jack: Wow. I thought you had forgotten it existed.
Platy: (looks annoyed) Well, I didn't! How could I? Will's been bitchnapped AGAIN.
Jack: Heh, I didn't miss him.
Platy: I hate you. Say the darn disclaimer so we can move on, here.
Jack: Fine, fine... Platy doesn't own anything. Now let's get this bloody show on the road.
Platy: Wait, one more thing... since we've made the move, if you are reading this and want to be involved in the squads, please comment! I'm not going to use old readers in here if they're never going to see it or read it. For this chapter, I'm mostly going to be using people who I know have LJs and will be reading this. So anyway, read and comment and tell me if you are a Will or Jack fangirl, and if you want to be in a squad or not. Remember, Jack fangirls are in the Will fangirl control squads and vice versa... unless you just want to be a regular old fangirl. ;-) But if you do, you have to be a good sport, because terrible things might happen to you.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(Everyone is back at headquarters. All of the squads are gathered together in one large room, except for Phaidra and Elderberry, who are locked away doing hypnotherapy. Platy is sitting on a small chair, head in paws. Jack is slouched guiltily nearby; Gibbs and Indigo are picking idly at their bandages. The rest of the squads are sitting around, looking glum.)
Platy: (sighs heavily)
Jack: I said I was sorry, all right? You don't have to rub it in, luv.
Platy: (lifts her head long enough to glare at Jack, then lowers it again)
Jack: (rolls eyes and takes a lengthy swig of rum)
The Weaseling Dragon: Would you feel better if I burned something?
Platy: (muffled) No...
The Weaseling Dragon: (rustles scales) ... are you sure?
Platy: (still muffled) Yes...
The Weaseling Dragon: Even if it was Jack's alcohol?
Platy: There's a thought...
Kalio: (comes running in, panting and holding a package under her arm)
Platy: (looks up)
Kalio: This just came in, Platy. I think you should take a look at it. (holds out package)
Platy: (takes it and rips it open, then peers inside) It's a video.
Spoofmaster: Don't watch it! You'll die in seven days! I've seen this one!
Platy: I don't think it's that kind of video.
Indigo: (looks up sharply) Will had one of the cameras with him when he was bitchnapped! I remember!
Platy: (eyes widen) AlienAgent!
AlienAgent: (now human again) Yes?
Platy: Wheel in that TV-VCR thingy we to- uh, borrowed from that elementary school.
AlienAgent: Right! (snaps fingers)
Megan Sleevewillow: (wheels in TV-VCR)
Kalio: (takes tape from Platy and pops it in)
(The tape begins to play. There are a few shaky shots of a wooden floor, then the camera swings up and focuses on Will. He looks disheveled and frankly terrified, and is tied to a chair.)
Roseblade: (from off camera) Say it!
Will: (shakes his head vigorously) N-no!
Roseblade: Say it, bitch!
Platy: (seethes) No one calls him bitch but ME!
Will: (trembles and whimpers a bit) P-p-platy?
Platy: (tears up) I'm here, bitch!
Will: This girl... R-roseblade... she said that y-you should just give up, b-because she's never going to let me go… and she said that if you try to... to... (falters)
Roseblade: Keep going, Williekins!
Will: (pleadingly) I don't remember the rest! Why won't you just let me go?
Roseblade: Because you're mine, that's why. Fine, I'll just finish.
(the camera is turned around, switching from Will to a girl wearing a Zorro mask)
Roseblade: What William here means to say is that you're not getting him back. He's mine forever and for always! And if you try to do anything about it, (her eyes narrow behind her mask) something terrible just might happen to him... because I would rather have him DEAD than not have him at all! Now say your final good-byes to Platy and Jack, William!
(the camera is turned again, showing Will, who is now crying silently)
Will: Platy! Don't let her take me away! Platy! Platyyyyyyyyy!!!!
Roseblade: Aww, you're so cute when you cry... I'll make you feel all better!
Tape: (ends)
All: (stare silently)
Platy: HOW DARE SHE?!?!?!
Megan Sleevewillow: Why in the heck would someone go to so much trouble for WILL?! Geez!
Platy: We have to get him back.
Kalio: But... she said she would hurt him.
Platy: I'm fairly sure she's bluffing. She'd never kill him... I know that much. Besides, I have a plan. (stands up and nods at Rachel the Insane Unicorn) Go find Sophie and Bill, and bring them back here.
Rachel: Sure thing! Bweehehehe! (rears, nearly losing her pith helmet in the process, wheels around, and gallops off)
Platy: AlienAgent, I want you to get everyone armed and ready to go at a moment's notice. I'm putting you in charge for the time being. I have something to do! (exchanges a salute with AlienAgent and trots off)
AlienAgent: (turns to the squads) You heard her! Get moving!
(cut to Elderberry's office)
Phaidra: (sobs uncontrollably) And... and then I saw the actual chances of me getting with him, and they were so miniscule that -
Platy: (bursts in) Elderberry!
Elderberry: (quickly yanks paperclip crown off her head and stuffs it in her desk drawer) Yes?
Platy: Uh… are you okay?
Elderberry: I am trying to work, here... I don't appreciate being interrupted. It's a very delicate job that I'm doing, and -
Platy: (holds up paws) Okay, okay...
Phaidra: Platy! Why was it so awful?! (hugs Platy and sobs into her fur)
Platy: Um... yeah, I know it sucked... (pats Phaidra on the head) Elderberry, I take it you haven't done any hypnotherapy yet?
Elderberry: No.
Platy: Good. Because I need you to do something special for me.
Elderberry: Oh? (looks intrigued)
Platy: Yes. We need an insider... someone who can get to Will for us. Phaidra can do it. We'll just make a slight modification. (pokes Phaidra) Hey, Phaidra?
Phaidra: Y-y-yes? (looks up, sniffling)
Platy: Want to be on the side of the good guys?
Phaidra: I can be?
Platy: Yes, you can. You can help us save Will. You'll be a heroine! And Elderberry will make all the emotional pain go away.
Phaidra: She will?
Platy: You bet she will!
Phaidra: Okay! (smiles weakly)
Platy: Excellent!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I know this was appallingly short, but I want to know who all is reading so I can do the new squads. Next chapter, we shall see Platy's ingenious plan! ;-) Comment, please, and don't forget to include who you are and where you want to be! Any new readers are welcome as well. :-D

~Platy

Comments

[metalkatt.livejournal.com]

Heheh... I'm not a fangirl. I have my own Norriebitch... I mean, Norrington. (What am I saying; I don't have bitches... duh) You know darn well who I am and where I am... Though, I still say Will isn't a whiny little baby, but for a parody fic, I can bend the rules a bit. ^^

[nobleplatypus]

Yes, I do know where you are... in fact... *gets ideas* Fwahahahaha... I think it's about time I bring you two back into this story!

[philosophercat.livejournal.com]

Yay! Me and Bill will show 'em! Hee hee! The drama, the suspense! Short but fun nevertheless.

[nobleplatypus]

Yes, you will! ;-) Thanks!

[clevernamehere.livejournal.com]

Oooooooooooo.......I can't wait to see el ingenious plan! Should be mucho mucho fun.

Who am I, you ask? I am the Spanglish speaking Caitlin! (You do know what spanglish is, don't you?) (It's speaking in a mix of spanish and English...just in case you didn't know). It's a trait I've recently picked up after having many many espanol classes. *shrug* It bugs the crap out of my mom, too.

Anyway. No se(I don't know) what fangirl squad I was on before, if I was on one. But i'm a Jack fangirl, so that would put me on the Will squad, wouldn't it? Yes, yes it would.

I'll be waiting on pins and needles(is that the phrase?) until you post!!

[nobleplatypus]

Hehe, I know what Spanglish is! I took Spanish in high school, too... so I actually know what you're saying! Que chulo, no? ;-) Consider yourself on the WFCS!! *hands you a badge*

Croikey, it LIVES!

[tortugagal.livejournal.com]

What a breath of fresh air! Thank goodness, I thought you'd given up on this one, mate. It's PineAppleLint, at your service. I'm a Jack/Johnny obsessive fangirl, just so you know. If he can three feet from me I'd start drooling. Yum.

You have such a great sense of humor. Especially love the "No one call's Will bitch but me!" keep it up, gal! You are doing splendidly! And I hope college isn't working you too hard, okay? Take it easy!

PaL

Re: Croikey, it LIVES!

[nobleplatypus]

A fangirl! Yay! *cackles unpleasantly* Ahem... I never give up on fics... I just let them sit for months. ;-) And the good news is, I am more or less done with college now. I have two more finals, one of which will just require me to show up and sit there silently for half an hour or so, and the other of which won't require any real studying. So expect more frequent updates in the near future!

[flockofplatypi.livejournal.com]

Whee! -giggle- I'm a Jack fangirl, and I want to be in a squad, you carnivorous Platy, you.

[nobleplatypus]

Done! *hands you a WFCS badge*

[tephroliah.livejournal.com]

*giggles and rolls onto her back*

"Bitchnapped"... That gets me every time XD.

Could I be in it? Maybe? Please? :>

If so... As much as I'd like to say I'd be on the good guys side, the truth is if you put me in the same vacinity as Jack Sparrow I'd probably try to jump him and lick his cheek, or something. >.>... So...yeah. That's probably enough to go by.

I'm Teph, by the way. XD

[nobleplatypus]

You most certainly can! There were a lot of people reading and involved on ff.net... but I think the turnout is going to be a lot smaller, here. And there are ALWAYS openings for fangirls! Bwahaha!

[phaidra.livejournal.com]

Squee! *hugs Platy* An update! And I get to help get Will back! I get to be a heroine! Spiffy spiffy spiffy spiffy! Can I be a hyper heroine? I like to be hyper. Hyper is cool. And so is sugar. Sugar is cool also. Anywho, wonderful chappie! I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad you updated. I missed the beautiful ficcy. But it's all better now, because you updated. (Yes, I'm a bit hyper now, can you tell?)

[nobleplatypus]

Yeah... I feel bad for torturing people, so I try to make them well off afterwards. ;-) You can be as hyper as you want!

[ember-firedrake.livejournal.com]

Hehe, love it! Not sure which I would enjoy more, being a Will fangirl, or being on the Jack Fangirl Protection Squad. Which are you more in need of at the moment?

[nobleplatypus]

Hmmmmm... not quite sure, actually. Depends on the turnout, I guess. On ff.net I was always short on fangirls... especially Will fangirls... but we'll see how things go here.

the return

[olderberry.livejournal.com]

This is Elderberry, by the way. Note the oh-so-ingenious alteration of my name, because, though you wouldn't have thought it, apparently someone is already called Elderberry here. I don't actually keep an lj, I just got an account so I could join a group I'm in.

Anyway, even though that WAS a short chapter, it was very amusing. I liked the kidnapping tape, though I would query the sense of wearing a Zorro mask when you've told people your name. Obviously she just has a flair for drama.
Of COURSE I'd take the emotional pain away. Whether this would in fact invove the introduction of physical pain remains to be seen.

Re: the return

[nobleplatypus]

Bwahahahaa... yeah, I think Spoofmaster's feeling a bit disgruntled. :-P

[megansleevwillo.livejournal.com]

YAY! CROC HUNTAH OF THE CARRIBEAN!
I wheel in the VCR thing! FEAR ME!
If only the energy Roseblade has produced into kidnapping Will was put to use doing something else...wait, I lost my train of thought...
I am me, of course, and I'll either be in Will's squad (Even though I'd like to hurt him very badly), or a fangirl, whichever is peachy!
Great Updates! ME LOVES! *Huggles chapters*
~Megan~

[nobleplatypus]

You're still in the squad... if I remember where people are supposed to be, I'm pretty much keeping them in their normal spots. Maybe we can use you when Will trains to be less submissive.

yay! i <3 this sooo much.. *grins wildly*

[(Anonymous)]

Spoofmaster: Don't watch it! You'll die in seven days! I've seen this one!
^*causes me to go "ahh!" and laugh loudly.

if it's possible, i'd love to rejoin this merry possee.. *sighs* i'm not really sure how to fit in, though, eh? i'm a huge jack-fan.. but not in a "fangirl scream!" sort of way.. it's more.. "dazed face.. adoration.. sighs.." sort of way. currently, though, i'd love to help save will.. *sniffles* poor kid! he's trembling!!!!!
however you can use me, feel free to do so, platy, the noblest.
let's save your bitch!!!!!

~*medea*~

Re: yay! i <3 this sooo much.. *grins wildly*

[nobleplatypus]

You can be in the WFCS!! Weehee! Yeah, there are so many Jack fans out there... as long as their relatively tame, we use them on the squads. :-D

hey---from Spoofmaster

[(Anonymous)]

Wow, it kind of just sunk in five minutes ago that you said you'd updated this...kind of zonked out over here. Well, I still want to be in it, even though...wow. Gibbs.

Re: hey---from Spoofmaster

[nobleplatypus]

Don't worry, I'll keep you and Gibbs apart, for the most part. Nothing graphic will happen... in fact, there's a good chance that when Platy figures out what's going on, she'll make Elderberry reverse it.

Unfortunately, there's also a good chance that Elderberry would replace it with something worse. ;)

Shelob (aka Shelob Tinuviel, aka Anna with the blahs)

[(Anonymous)]

Yay! This is such an entertaining story, and you rock! I'm a Jack Fangirl. ::blushes profusely:: From Hell was on last night, on cable TV! Can you believe it? They really didn't cut much out, either. But goodness gracious.... that man.... is just.... tooo.... ::blacks out:: **5 minutes later** ::comes to:: Wha? Oh yes. Johnny is a sexy man, and nobody tops him. The only one that comes close is Hugo Weaving. Now I'm babbling. Have fun with your fic! ::skips off to study for social studies AP test::
~Shelob

Re: Shelob (aka Shelob Tinuviel, aka Anna with the blahs)

[nobleplatypus]

So if Johnny Depp and Hugo Weaving were in the same room... what on earth would you do?? :-P You're in! :D

Scap is loving the ficcage!

[(Anonymous)]

Wooot!! New chapter!! New chpater!! Yayness!

Platy! It has been forever! (forgive the oddness of me today, I've had an all day Drama performance exam and all I've had to eat is a chocolate bar and chewy mints)

OH NO!!! POOR WILL!! SAVE HIM PLATY! SAVE HIM!!! 0_o;;

Poor Will, how will he servive?? He's far too cute and pure to be held hostage (again!)

I would like to officially anouce to you, Platy, that I AM AN AVID (James) NORRINTON FAN!!!! Jack Davenport is the best, very, very cool man indeed.

Bitchnapped is the best word I've heard today! (well, apart from UPDATE!!!) I'm just going to be throwing that word about for ages. You've already got me saying things like `fork` and `ship` in public, honestly!! I can't help myself!!!

I really really can't wait for the next chaoter (soon I hope!!)

s'laters

Re: Scap is loving the ficcage!

[madame-fifi.livejournal.com]

Hey Platy, I just got a journal of my own!! Thought I'd tell you, seeing as I don't really know who else I should ^_^;;

Neways, really love the new chapter!

Fangirls etc

[cutty-sark.livejournal.com]

I'm so excited that you're updating this one again. The Caribbean rocks. By the way, I'm 'purplestainedglass' from ff.net and I was a fangirl, I think. Maybe a perverse one who pretended to like both? I can't really remember. Anyway, I'm all up for being a new style fangirl too, if you need me! Cutty Sark means short skirt in Scots, btw, if you want to use that information... Keep writing the cool fics (esp. Nigel Pivington Jones - I love that one).

Re: Fangirls etc

[platy-fics.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you were on a WFCS, but you ran your fingers through his hair and frightened him. Hehehe. And that's where you'll stay, unless I can find something more disturbing to do with you... ;-) Glad you like Nigel... that fic was my baby, and no one read it... *sigh* I may update it soonish, though.

It's MEEEEEEE

[rotkgurl19.livejournal.com]

Hi, I FINALLY have a LJ, so now, I can re-register myself, if that's what you would call it. OK, I don't care which Fangirl Control Squad you put me in, just I'm not going to be a fangirl, savvy? *crickets* Ok, fine, but I'll review every chapter, savvy? *more crickets* SAVVY? *more crickets* OK...*takes out flamethrower and shishcabobs crickets* OoOoOo, dinner!

Re: It's MEEEEEEE

[nobleplatypus]

Heh... is MEEEEEE your penname? :-P I'm not quite sure who you are, but I'll put you in! And you won't be a fangirl, I promise.

Enjoy your crickets... those things are high in protein.

HI!!!!!!!!

[(Anonymous)]

It's me, Hirilnara!
I can't decide who I lust for most, so I once again I'll leave it up to you who's squad I go on... Gah, can't think of anything intersting to say

Re: HI!!!!!!!!

[nobleplatypus]

'Sokay, I'll fit you in somewhere. ^_^

I'm back and reviewing, dude.

[alienagentsab.livejournal.com]

Hey, Platy. I am like SO back! You may have noticed a rather desperate lack of reviews from me in every story. Sorry. But I'm back now and YOU BETTER NOT TAKE ME OUT OF THIS FIC!!!! Can you tell me if I've missed any chapters? I'm also going to get caught up on A Very Mary Sue. Eventually I guess I'll get to the rest as well. But don't count on it for a while. Also, my fic is out of commission, too, because of the chat format. If I update, I'll let you know. Keep on writing!
Skimbleshanks, the Railway CAT

Re: I'm back and reviewing, dude.

[nobleplatypus]

No, you haven't missed a thing in Croc Huntah. This is the first chapter I've posted since I was forced to take it off ff.net. And I can't very well remove you from it; you're in charge! :-P Have fun reading the Sequel, bwahaha...

WHEE!

[(Anonymous)]

Dude! ElvenPirate41 here... but please, let's drop the formalities. I'll just be Jamie now. i'm so happy you updated this one! i suppose i'm a Jack fangirl, so yay! i get to be on the anti-Will squad! oh, but i love will too. maybe i'm a double agent? muahahaha. as long as i get to call Will a pansy. cuz he is... but he's ever so pretty. JACK IS WAY BETTER THOUGH! HAH!
see you next update -- oh and "Stuck in the Mines" was awesome! loveitloveit!

~Jamie

Re: WHEE!

[platy-fics.livejournal.com]

Glad you could make it! :D Maybe you can be confused, like cutty_sark...

YAYNESS!

[katla-asriel.livejournal.com]

Ah, the joys of Croc Huntah goodness! ^-^ I would also like to request to be a Will fangirl. Use my person as you will, and all sorts of bad things can happen to me. *shrugs* It comes with the territory.
Congrats on AVMS again, since I'm just sooo hyper after reading about how Claralinda kicked butt! Wooo!
Anyways, I gotta go...place...so I'll see ya 'round!
Katla

Re: YAYNESS!

[platy-fics.livejournal.com]

Yay! Way to be a good sport! *cackles* Don't worry... this'll be great...

Yay for the the croc huntah!

[elf-rum.livejournal.com]

Ahhh I love love love this fic so much. Btw this is Michaela aka CrazedElfStalker on ff.net. Having to come to lj made me try to remember the password for the journal I um coughwroteinafew timesandthentotallyabandonedcough. Anyway I'LL BE A WILL FANGIRL! WILL ROX MY SOX! Ahem, I mean that I don't like Will and therefore should be in the group that gets the most contact with him. Yes, that should work.

Re: Yay for the the croc huntah!

[platy-fics.livejournal.com]

Yay for another Will fangirl! Bwahahaaaaa! Sheesh, you could form a forking council at the rate you're going... there's FOUR of you!

Yay, i can read it again

[(Anonymous)]

Yay, i can read it again, my sister should be happy as well cause i printed it out for her to read, we were depressed when you had it taken off. Anywho, can i be in it, i'm a will fan, so in Jacks club. do some more soon, pretty pretty please, you'll be my friend. anywho, if i get to be in it it would probably help if you had a name to use. LegolasGreenleafGil-Estel is the one i have on ff.net.

Re: Yay, i can read it again

[platy-fics.livejournal.com]

That's a long name! ;-) But don't worry, you're in!

Roseblade Strikes Again!! MWHAHAHAHAH!!

[(Anonymous)]

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!! You finally updated!! SALUD!!! (means "cheers" in spanish)

Oh...I'm so glad...Yay! Go me! I'm EEEEVIL!!! What'd I do to William to make him all better? I must know all the dirrty details!! Oh, and duh, I still want to be included in the story. Even though it would be pretty hard for me to be booted out on this point! But still, out of all the Will Fangirls out there, I'm flattered that you chose me to be the villian!! I love you so much! (Will too! Hehe.)

Gosh...that video tape is a bit harsh...I don't want to kill Will...that is unless I was a vampire and wanted to make him one to so that we could spend eternity together!! Yah...I'm weird. God, I haven't talked to you in such a long time!!

And I read your review to my story about your job and stuff...I'll be feeling your pain this summer. I have to get my first job this summer. Ugh.

Ok. That's all I'll type for now. I so cannot wait to see the rest! I hope when (or...Mwaha...if) you and the others catch me, you won't be too hard on me. I mean, what's a girl to do? It's WILLIAM!!

Seeya later and love you!

Roseblade

Re: Roseblade Strikes Again!! MWHAHAHAHAH!!

[platy-fics.livejournal.com]

Y tú tambien, chica! And what do you THINK you did to Will to make him feel all better? ;-) Probably didn't succeed, though.

CATCH you? Whatever are you talking about? :P

Yeah, jobs can be a pain. But at least I have a lot of weekends off. And right now we aren't doing much... so I have mixed feelings. I mean, on the one hand, it's kind of nice getting paid to sit around and chat with your friends. But on the other hand, it's also kind of guilt-inducing.

I want to be in a squad!!

[(Anonymous)]

I want to be in a squad!! (please) :)
I am a Will fangirl..but if you have too many of those, I can be one of the general fan girls instead.. I don't have a problem being
abused..my friends do it to me regularly so its nothing I'm not used to

Carrie-Ann (aka FreakyKiki)

Re: I want to be in a squad!!

[platy-fics.livejournal.com]

Don't worry... I have the perfect job for you... bwahahaaaa!

Crocodile Hunter

[weaselingdragon.livejournal.com]

You wrote a new chapter. (captain obvious strikes again!)It's nice to see you not give up after the people at ff.net scared you into moving some of your fics. Can I help rescue Will? Nobody should have to endure that torture and I'm really interested in how that's going t play out. Could you give me a hint?

Re: Crocodile Hunter

[platy-fics.livejournal.com]

Well... no hints. But there will be a new chapter up sometime tonight! And from the looks of things, I might have to make it a two-parter... it's going to be a doozy! It's kind of complicated. But you will have a very important role! I can tell you that much. ;-)