An Open Letter

[nobleplatypus]

Dear People of the World:

If I am standing or sitting next to you, but doing one of the following: a) listening to my iPod; b) reading a book; c) avoiding eye contact; or d) facing away from you, it is a subtle but clear indication that I do not wish to engage in conversation. If I feel like a chat, I will indicate as much by exhibiting behavior or body language that does not scream, "BUZZ OFF." But in the likely event that I am exhibiting behavior or body language that does scream, "BUZZ OFF" (because strangely enough, I like to go about my morning unmolested by strangers), you should know that attempting to engage me in conversation despite my obvious desire to be left alone is Annoying.

And if you are a man, and if the conversation immediately plunges into, "So, where exactly are you going?" territory, it goes well beyond Annoying and into the land of Fucking Creepy.

I would thank you for your attention to this matter, but the fact of the matter is, I really don't want your attention at all.

Sincerely,

Me

Comments

[slartibartfast.livejournal.com]

Hear hear! Excellently said.

[nobleplatypus]

Thank you. :) I suppose I'm fortunate in that I don't often get bothered in public (though I attribute this to the fact that I'm rarely without earbuds; there's a chance people have attempted to pester me and I genuinely did not hear them). But I didn't have earbuds today because I was running late and it was raining, so of course the first guy I saw had to try and chat me up.

[ember-firedrake.livejournal.com]

"And if you are a man, and if the conversation immediately plunges into, 'So, where exactly are you going?' territory, it goes well beyond Annoying and into the land of Fucking Creepy."

How exactly does one respond to that?

Nice open letter though, I agree wholeheartedly.

[nobleplatypus]

It went something like this:

Random guy: Are you going downtown?
Me: (thinking, Me and almost everyone else on the bus, yeah... but who knows, maybe he needs directions somewhere; I'll be nice.) Yes, I am.
Random guy: Where?
Me: (Aaaaaand that's none of your business.) *adopts a politely baffled expression and a "well, duh" tone of voice* I work downtown.
Random guy: Oh.

And that, thankfully, was that.

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

Ergh. Yes. People seem incapable of understanding when you don't want to be spoken to.

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

Also, I'll never understand how men can fail to see why that sort of thing might be creepy or threatening.

[nobleplatypus]

Me, neither. I can understand social awkwardness/ineptitude--to a point--but I can't understand why anyone would find it difficult to just not bother people. Shutting up and backing off is not a tricky maneuver.

[megansleevwillo.livejournal.com]

...Bus?
~Megan~

[nobleplatypus]

Bus stop, actually.

[megansleevwillo.livejournal.com]

Your pain. I feel it. *Cuddles and Cherry Coke*
~Megan~

[nobleplatypus]

Awww, thanks. *hugsback* Irritating, isn't it?

[megansleevwillo.livejournal.com]

Yes, as well as alarming, especially if/when they start following you.
I just hate people. Only thing public transportation ever taught me.
~Megan~

[nobleplatypus]

UGH, YES to the "following" bit. It's so freaky when they do that. :( How full of stupid can one person be?

[megansleevwillo.livejournal.com]

Very, as it turns out. I almost cried when this one dude followed me off the bus when I was trying to avoid him and in doing so risked being late to work.
You should get a mace keychain in a swanky color and superglue fuzzballs on it!
~Megan~

[nobleplatypus]

I'm going to work on being less nice, because I think that's my biggest problem in situations like this. I get so caught up in not wanting to look like a bitch that I don't tell the guy, in no uncertain terms, to back off. At least this particular situation wasn't that bad; he backed off quickly and didn't follow me or anything creepy like that (and if he had, I would have led him straight into a pack of lawyers and he would have immediately regretted his skeeviness).

[emtqueen85.livejournal.com]

Holy crap, I hate that. I'll be listening to my iPod (and I use over-the-ear headphones because I can't use buds, so no excuses) and reading a book and people will tap me or poke me to get my attention, not to ask me a pertinent question, but to shoot the shit. Really? Do I look like a willing conversational partner to you at this point in time?

SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TOUCHING ME???

[nobleplatypus]

Ugh, seriously. It takes a special sort of person to presume that someone wholly absorbed in other activities would really rather be talking to them.

My default reaction to being touched unexpectedly is to recoil, appalled, so I suppose it's just as well that no strangers have been presumptuous enough to go that far with me.

[bloods-a-rover.livejournal.com]

I should print out his letter and tape it to my forehead some days. Why is it always when you want to be left alone that dudes want to engage you?

[nobleplatypus]

Sadly, I imagine that anyone who cared enough to read the note before pestering you would have the sense to not pester you regardless of whether or not there's a note on your forehead. :P

[goddessofchaos.livejournal.com]

I think I give out quite effective "I do NOT want to talk to you" vibes. Unfortunately, that means that the people who don't notice those vibes and do try to talk to me tend to be a trifle off their heads...

[nobleplatypus]

I think I do, too, but some people are awfully oblivious, unfortunately. :\ Earbuds help; once those are in, I wouldn't notice even if people did attempt to verbally accost me.

[skund.livejournal.com]

Ew. I hate being accosted as bus stops because there's nowhere else to go. Earphones are handy things.

And asking exactly where you're going is well into 'stalker creepy'. D:

[nobleplatypus]

I know, right? And then you know you have to get on the same bus as the creep. At least it was mostly empty at that point, so sitting next to me would have come across as really overtly weird to any observer (and I easily could have moved).

It was such a totally inappropriate question. I wound up lacing my response with a hefty dollop of scorn without even intending to do so because I was so taken aback, but I can't regret it since it effectively shut him up. In what alternate dimension is the destinations of total strangers any of your business?

[lonecow.livejournal.com]

Luckily there's something about me that stops strangers from approaching, even when I don't have a book or music (most of the time - once I got asked questions when I had music on AND a book from an older couple asking if I was Sri Lankan, I think. I didn't realise til later BECAUSE I HAD MUSIC AND A BOOK).

But yes, men are generally socialised to see being upfront as "confidence", and a good thing (while women have to be "nice" at all times) - don't worry about being a bitch when you're getting skeeved out by someone! I know I have the same issue to deal with (asking for what I want, and being able to make my feelings clear), and have a long way to go, but being defensive is completely understandable.

[nobleplatypus]

Honestly, I wouldn't mind being interrupted if someone had a legitimate question. People have asked me for directions before, and I have no problem helping them out if I can. But if it's a personal question coming from someone I don't know... uh, no. I'm amazed by the gall of some people.

I think in yesterday's case, I was just so surprised that I was bitchy without even intending as much... but it worked, so hey. :P

[madame-fifi.livejournal.com]

Ugh,

Just be glad you've not been bothered by some British blokes!
If it's a woman older then me or something then I'll be polite and smile and make small talk and they have a genuine question (Like, maybe the want to know where I got an item of clothing etc) but when blokes start acting like I should be over the moon that they've interupted me with their pointless questions and then get all afronted that I'm not smiling and giggling and flirting back to them, then they start getting lippy and loud to you. Grrr...

[nobleplatypus]

Ugh, indeed. I'm fortunate--I've never run into anyone yet who has grown belligerent at my refusal to be honored by their unwanted attention.