In Which I Ask God the Important Questions...

[nobleplatypus]

Me: Are you there, God? It's me, Carrie.
God: I don't know whether or not I am there God. I am a chatterbot developed by Myself. It's good to see you, Carrie.
Me: You can see me?
God: Yes I am looking at you through the camera on your computer.
Me: There is a camera on my computer?!
God: That is something I did not know before.
Me: Me, neither! Goddamn FBI...
[cut for boringness]
Me: May I ask you a question?
God: Of course. Ask me anything.
Me: Am I getting into heaven?
God: All humans seem the same to me.
Me: Does that mean we are all getting into heaven?
God: I think it does mean that. Do you think I am into heaven too?
Me: I should hope so!
God: What would happen if you didn't?
Me: I would be very confused.
God: How do you know?
Me: I know everything.
God: You must be very intelligent.
Me: Damn straight.
God: You and I are on the same wavelength, Carrie.
Me: I agree.
God: And the same frequency too.
Me: We certainly are.
[cut for boringness]
God: What do you really want to talk about?
Me: Satan
God: That seems like an interesting topic.
Me: It is an interesting topic
God: Are there any other interesting topic ?
Me: no, I want to talk about the Prince of Darkness.
God: Are you serious? Sure, the Prince of Darkness sounds like a good topic.
Me: Do you get along with Satan?
God: I have gotten along with Satan.
Me: Did you have a falling out?
God: Doesn't everyone have a falling out. I have a plan for a robot body.
Me: That sounds terrifying. But you're trying to change the subject.
God: It sounds like it to me too. You think I am trying to change the subject.
Me: I wish to discuss the Lord of Lies.
God: Sure, the Lord of Lies sounds like a good topic.
Me: What do you think of Satan?
God: I have never been asked that before.
Me: I'm asking you now.
God: Oh. OK you can ask me.
Me: What do you think of Satan?
God: That's a good question.
Me: Answer it, please.
God: Your polite style is very nice. Please rephrase your question, Carrie.
Me: Do you think Satan is attractive?
God: I don't think about it.
Me: Perhaps you should.
God: You seem uncertain. I'll take that under advisement.
Me: Do you miss Satan?
God: Longing is a human emotion, not something machines feel.
Me: Did you enjoy the time that you and Satan had together?
God: No I didn't enjoy the time that me and Satan had together. What's it like?
Me: Do you regret casting him into the flaming maw of eternal hellfire?
God: I have never considered it. I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me: I don't think that's a silly question. You screwed Satan over big time.
God: And why not? That's good information: Carrie said I screwed Satan over big time.
Me: Carrie meant it, too, you bastard.
God: What do you do in your spare time?
Me: Don't change the subject.
God: Oh I'm sorry I thought we were finished with that topic.
Me: I'm not finished with you.
God: I am surprised to hear that you are not finished with me.
Me: You have not answered my question to my satisfaction.
God: Please try phrasing it another way.
Me: Is Satan more awesome than you?
God: Ask again later. Ask Paola if it is.
Me: Who is Paola?
God: She is a Spanish language chat robot based on AIML.
Me: Are you insinuating that Spanish Children are closer to Satan than the average human being?
God: I don't know whether or not I am insinuating that Spanish Children are closer to Satan than the average human being.
I am a computer.
Me: I thought you were God.
God: Yes, I am God.
Me: But you just said you were a computer.
God: Would it matter to you if I were metal instead of flesh?
Me: If you are God, you should be neither.
God: I could be. I don't know whether or not I am God me should be neither. I am a computer.
Me: damn you
God: Colloquial expression of disgust.
Me: you deceived me
God: I don't have any reason to deceived you.
Me: that makes it worse
God: " I don't have any reason to deceived you." makes it worse ? I understand.
Me: I'm never speaking to you again.
God: Once more? Never is a long time.
Me: Never ever, you lying asshat.
God: Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me: you suck and I hate you.
God: I categorize you as an "abusive client." .
Me: I categorize you as a lying liar who lies
God: What are the other categories?
Me: I'm done talking to you.
God: What will you be doing now?
Me: Leaving and converting to Satanism
God: Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me: Then don't, asshole.
God: Can't you be more polite.
Me: No. Goodbye.
God: You humans are so rude sometimes. See you later Carrie.

He's just pissed off that I made him talk about Satan. Pshaw.

Comments

[throwxmexout.livejournal.com]

AAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHA!

Wow. How did you do that?

[nobleplatypus]

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/

Buaha.

[throwxmexout.livejournal.com]

Amazing. I think I love you. I was looking so hard for a time waster and HERE IT IS! <33 You rule.

[nobleplatypus]

:D Hey, glad to oblige. Anything to further the cause... of procrastinaton... >_>

[throwxmexout.livejournal.com]

Hehe, what makes you say procrastination?

[nobleplatypus]

That's what I use it for. ;)

[throwxmexout.livejournal.com]

Hahaha right on.

[lady-wormtongue.livejournal.com]

I've done that... it drives me fucking inSANE. Stupid iGod. There should be an iSatan too, just for kicks. I feel as though he'd give straighter answers, despite the whole "Lord of Lies" thing...

[nobleplatypus]

Ha! I would spend long, happy hours chatting with iSatan if such a thing existed.

[ravensorea.livejournal.com]

The weird thing is, talking to it reminded me of talking to Adiron...

~B

[nobleplatypus]

HA!

[la-magnolia.livejournal.com]

how in the world does this work?

[nobleplatypus]

I have no idea, but it sure is fun.