Lost Recap the First
Oct. 11th, 2006 11:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nobleplatypusPreviously on Lost: our heroes can’t plan worth a damn. In case you haven’t spotted Jack’s new love interest, she’s the one named after a Shakespearean love interest. Sawyer and Kate are caged. Jack shouts a lot.
Now for the actual show. We see a glass ballerina. She is spinning and spinning and falling and crashing and shattering, and young Sun thinks the Korean equivalent of “Oh, shit.” She flees.
A short time later, her little piano practice session is interrupted. She turns off the metronome (can’t keep the beat, Sun? Aw, who am I kidding? Of course you can) and looks up at her father, who has one squinty eye and one wider eye and this will freak me out for the rest of the episode. Sun’s padre drops a plastic bag full of glass on the floor. “Did you break the ballerina?” he asks.
“Who, me?” asks Sun.
“Yes, you!” says her father.
“Couldn’t be!” says Sun.
“Then who?” asks her father.
“…The maid,” Sun replies. That clumsy maid.
Sun’s dad isn’t buying it, and reminds her that if she insists on blaming the maid, he’ll just have to fire the maid to teach Sun a lesson about the importance of honesty. Sun sticks to her story. Her dad is pissed and storms out. So much for guilt-tripping the truth out of her.
We fwoosh forward into the “present day” (more or less). Sun is splashing water on her face in the wee sailboat bathroom, still crippled with guilt over the firing of that maid. Only she’s not, so I’m not sure what that flashback was supposed to tell us, exactly. That Sun can do more than just garden and conceive? That she can lie with a straight face? Man, we learned that one when she told Jin the kid was his.
Jin knocks on the door, and Sun assures him that she’s just vomiting, no biggie. But this seems to spur Jin to sudden action; he storms up onto the deck and has an argument with Sayid via his wife. It goes something like this:
Jin: GHSWIOUBNSDFIOGUNSDIOFUN!
Sayid: (thinks: Oh, boy.)
Sun: Jin says it’s time to leave.
Jin: FEOIUNWOIUDNSOIDUFNSDIOUFI!
Sun: And he thinks your plan is crap.
Sayid: I’m sure Jack has a perfectly good reason for being a day late. Let’s just mosey on around the coast and light another fire.
Sun: Wsdnufipowunweoiufnwsnedf.
Jin: NO.
Sun: Jin says ‘no.’
Then Jin gets all, “You shall listen to me because I am your husband, damn it!” like the boom just swung around and hit a “reset” button on his back that sent his character right on back to episode two of season one. So Sun uses her mad English skills to be like, “Good plan, Sayid, I’m with you.” And Jin looks pissed, but he couldn’t possibly be able to understand her because in the two months he’s been on the island, the only English words he’s picked up are ‘no,’ ‘boat,’ ‘others,’ and ‘gun.’ But hey, on this island, that’s really all you need.
And we bop over to Jack, who is languishing in a corner with a camera trained on him. It’s the dullest episode of “Real World: Island Edition” ever. Juliet walks in with lunch, and Jack doesn’t react. “Are you feeling any better?” No response. “I made this soup myself, but I won’t take it the wrong way if you don’t like it,” she says, and Jack makes a face like, “I saw what you did to those muffins. I ain’t touching that soup.”
Viola walks out, then knocks on another door to reveal a bank of TV screens and Benry, who says, “You never made soup for me.” And Hermia says, “That’s because you don’t appreciate the genius of Stephen King, Benry.” And Benry says, “Oh God, not this again,” and then some third blonde chick (why are they all blonde?) comes in and says, “Am I interrupting something?” like Benry and Helena were ripping at each other’s clothes and not just talking.
“Would it really matter if you were?” says Juliet. Apparently blondie makes a habit of busting in on island make-out sessions. Where the hell was she when Kate kissed Jack? We could have used her, then.
But they have a situation. Sayid found the decoy village! Benry is like, “That’s kind of what we wanted.” But then blondie drops the bomb: they have a boat! You know, like the boat we had that one time! Only prettier! Oh, shitake mushrooms! Rosalind doesn’t think this is a big deal, but blondie points out that if they have a boat, they could conceivably FIND THEM. HERE. In the leper colony! Funny, all the castaways have FEET, but no one seems to think that as pressing a matter as the boat.
Benry thinks, then asks how soon she can put together “a team.” No time at all, says Blondie. Benry tells her to scoot. I smell a game of capture the flag: winner takes all.
Colleen. That’s blondie’s name. Benry says, “Hey, Colleen? I want that boat.” If you wanted a boat that badly, why did you let Michael and Walt putt-putt off into the sunset when you could have just, you know, killed them?
Commercials.
Sawyer gets himself a fish biscuit, waking Kate in the process. He offers her half the biscuit, and I’d say it was gentlemanly if he wasn’t clearly being facetious. He wants that biscuit all to himself, you can tell.
Zeke and some glorified extras show up and take Sawyer and Kate out of their cells. One of them, who we will call Boss (since that’s what Sawyer winds up calling him), hands Sawyer a lunch pail because he’ll need to keep up his strength, apparently. It’s going to be one intense game of capture the flag.
Colleen comes running up yelling, “Daddy, wait!” Boss goes over, they say something, and then Boss kisses her cheek in a way that doesn’t quite seem fatherly, but maybe it’s just me. Sawyer watches them. Perv. Boss belligerently says, “What are you lookin’ at?” and Sawyer smirks.
Cut to the boat. Sayid is loading his gun. Sun apologizes to Jin for disagreeing with him in front of Sayid. Jin informs her that she shouldn’t be disagreeing with him, period. Sun says, “You’re absolutely right. You’ve always been right, and I’ve always been wrong, and allow me to verbally butter you up so you’ll forgive me for…
“… sleeping with my English tutor! Oh, SNAP!” says flashback Sun. English tutor (who looks a bit like he fell out of “The King and I”) asks Sun what’s wrong. Sun’s like, “I’m married.” And he says, “Oh, right,” and then they make out like it’s a funny joke. Except Sun’s not laughing, so they don’t make out for that long. Sun’s serious, and she’s about to leave when the King of Siam is like, “Wait. I got you a totally awesome pearl necklace.” Sun’s like, “I can’t wear that, you know.” And the King of Siam is like, “I don’t want to share you anymore. You and I can run away to America, and we will live happily and anonymously somewhere, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.”
They’re interrupted by a soft knock. Sun insists no one knows she’s here. But uh oh, in walks SUN’S DAD. He’s like, “Get dressed” and Sun is mortified. This would be the perfect time to ‘fess up about the ballerina, Sun.
Fwoosh to Sawyer and Kate. They’re taken to—I shit you not—a workfield where they are made to—I shit you not—break rocks with picks. If Boss was wearing mirrored sunglasses, it would be perfect.
Kate is on chopping detail, Sawyer on hauling detail. “You expect me to work in this dress?!” Kate says. Boss is all, “Well, you could always take it off.” Sawyer looks at Kate like he thinks Boss has a point. Kate gives him a “back me up here, you asshole” look, so Sawyer turns to Boss and says, “How dare you!” Heh.
Boss is not amused. He tries to lay down the law with Sawyer being obnoxious, a-like so:
Boss: If you want anything, raise you hand.
Sawyer: (raises hand) I gotta question, Boss!
Boss: No questions.
Sawyer: (points to Kate) She got to ask a question.
Boss: If you piss me off, you’ll be shocked.
Sawyer: SHOT? Don’t we get a warning?
Boss: SHOCKED. I said SHOCKED.
Sawyer: Gotta annunciate better, Boss.
Boss: No enjoying yourselves. No pissing me off. Else you get SHOCKED.
But it still sounds like “shot.”
Then Kate tries to be stubborn and demand to see Jack, so Boss shocks Sawyer. Sawyer gives Kate a very angry look. This is what you get for agreeing to participate in a love triangle, guys.
Side note: what’s with the rock hauling? Are the Others putting in a pool? An ornamental pond, perhaps? Or did they just decide to look for the most stereotypical form of labor they could find for their prisoners? “Once you’ve got the rocks cleared, you can mow the grass with your teeth!”
Commercial break. Again.
Flashback. Jin goes to see Sun’s father in his office. Sun’s dad hands Jin a photo of the King of Siam and spends the next five minutes inferring like hell that Sun’s banging him on the side, but Jin doesn’t pick up on it, since Sun’s dad is using vague terms like, “I need you to ‘deliver a message’ to the guy who has been ‘dishonoring us all’ by ‘stealing something from me’ and by ‘dishonoring me’ I mean ‘dishonoring you,’ sonny, so you should be taking this all very personally.” So Jin agrees to take this guy out.
Flashforward. Jin takes out his rage on a fish. Sun calls him up on deck to show him something, and hey, it’s the very same dock from which Walt and Michael putt-putted away. Jin has an excuse to say ‘udahs,’ and Sayid says the dock is decayed and hasn’t been used in quite some time. Um, what? That dock looks like it’s in fine shape to me. Sayid decides this is the perfect place to build another huge-ass fire. Jin says, “Safe?” He learned a new word! Sayid patronizes him accordingly, and then it’s back to the workfield.
Kate is chopping away, and her dress is riding up a bit so Sawyer pauses to enjoy the view. Boss yells at him, and it seems Cordelia has joined the gang.
As Kate chops away, a pebble bounces off her rock and a voice hisses, “Psst!” It’s Alex. She peeks out of the bushes and warns Kate not to let them see that Kate’s talking to her, so Kate does a really obvious glance to make sure no one’s watching her. Smooth. Then she crouches down like, “Maybe they’ll think I’m karate-chopping this rock instead of using the pick like a normal person.”
Alex asks about Carl. D’aww, they’re in lub. Also, Kate is wearing Alex’s dress. Alex tells her she can keep it before running off. How charitable of her.
Sawyer wanders up and asks Kate if she’s having fun. Kate tells him to quit staring at her ass, so Sawyer tells her to give him something else to stare at. Um… touché? Boss tells them to shut up.
Back to the beach, where Sayid is building a fire roughly as tall as an adolescent giraffe. Sun is suspicious. She accuses Sayid of being a liar, and Sayid is like, “It takes one to know one.” So he reveals his new plan: attract the Others. “I suspect that when they see the smoke, they’ll send a scouting party. The party will remain hidden and report that we have a sailboat, and since a sailboat is a hell of a commodity on an island, I imagine they’ll organize a raiding party to steal said boat while we fiddle around with a fire on the beach.”
Oh, wait. What he really says is something along the lines of, “They’ll come staggering blindly out of the jungle towards the fire, and we’ll pick off all but two of them so I have something to torture now that Henry’s gone. It’ll be easy-peasy. You can stay on the boat by yourself; they won’t bother with you out there.” Can we elect some new people to the Craphole Island planning council? Because seriously, their plans have sucked pretty consistently ever since day one.
And I do the commercial dance.
Flashback. Jin comes home, and he’s in a bit of a mood. They engage in some forced small talk until Jin says that Sun’s father called him “son” today, and that was weird, and now he feels especially obligated to carry out this hit, and we can start a new life but we can’t RAAFIGHT BEING MARRIED TO YOU IS SUCH A CHORE. Jin starts to leave. Sun asks where he’s going. I say, “To deliver a message,” and Jin says, “To deliver a message.” So there are two options: I get plus five points for being psychic, or the writers get minus five for predictable dialogue.
Flashforward. Jin is pissy on the beach. He asks Sayid for the gun. Sayid says he doesn’t understand, and Sun is forced to translate her husband’s accusations about the true nature of the plan, which he has pretty much figured out because it turns out he understands English better than Sun thinks he does, and he knows she betrayed him, and he wants the gun, like, now. Sayid hands one over and starts to explain how it works until Jin demonstrates that he pretty much knows what he’s doing, thank you very much. Sayid looks surprised that his is apparently not the only backstory that isn’t full of sunshine and bunnies. He tells Sun to go wait on the boat with the other gun.
Back to Sawyer and Kate. Juliet is chatting it up with Boss when Sawyer catches her eye. She was grinning outright, but she sobers a little like, “I’m sorry. There’s absolutely nothing funny about manual labor.” So she reverts to her default expression, which is this half-smile that is starting to get on my nerves. She and Jack are perfect for one another, they can sit facing each other and she can half-smile and he can look constipated and they can call it ‘emoting.’
So Goneril gives Sawyer a canteen to demonstrate how nice she is, and Sawyer dumps the water on the ground to demonstrate how badass he is. Then he walks over and looks at Kate, who is still chopping away but looks like she really wants to sit down for a bit. And the four strings of lurve come in, and Sawyer throws down the wheelbarrow and strides over to Kate who just has time to give him a “WTF are you doing?” look before he grabs her and snogs her like crazy. Boss is like, “HEY. WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT ENJOYING YOURSELVES?” Sawyer smiles at Kate, then gets a rifle-butt to the head. He beats the crap out of a few guards and manages to get one of the guns, but Kate has helpfully gotten herself captured by Juliet, so Sawyer is forced to drop the gun and the Boss gives him a hell of a shock. It didn’t take much to clip Kate’s wings. Must have been some damn fine coffee.
Nighttime at the beach. Jin and Sayid lurk pointlessly in the jungle. Sun starts to make tea when she hears footsteps on the deck. Pirates! She scrambles for the gun and hello, commercials.
Flashback. Jin follows the King of Siam up to his hotel room and proceeds to beat the ever-living daylights out of him. “Do you know who I am? Do you know why I’m here?” Jin asks, pulling out a gun. The King of Siam sobs and begs forgiveness, though he helpfully never actually names his transgression. But Jin chickens out, as characters on this show are wont to do when they have another at gunpoint. He tells the King of Siam to run away and never return a la “The Lion King,” then leaves. He gets into his car just in time for the King of Siam to land on the hood, the pearl necklace clutched in his hand. Ew.
Back to the jungle. Jin and Sayid start to wonder if maybe they’re wasting their time. Colleen enters the boat and finds herself face-to-face with Sun and her gun. Sun wants off the boat, but Colleen says she can’t allow that because “it’s not my decision to make, and P.S. five of my friends are just upstairs.” Sun tells her to lower her voice, heh. Then Colleen gets all, “I’ve read your file. I know you. You’re no killer, so you won’t kill me.” And Sun’s like, “Tell that to the BALLERINA when you SEE HER IN HELL!” BLAMMO!
Only not really. It’s just that the boat starts, and Sun is startled and pulls the trigger and Colleen is like, “Shit, didn’t see that coming,” before slumping to the ground. Then it’s a shootout on the boat as Sun tries to escape, and Jin and Sayid run to the rescue but are held up on the dock. Jin jumps into the water as the boat speeds away and starts swimming. Sun starts to sneak towards the rail when Zeke sees here and shoots, and Sun makes a startled noise and falls into the water, and the audience would be holding its breath if a mock-death didn’t happen every damn episode.
So Jin is splashing around yelling something that sounds nothing like “Sun!” and isn’t subtitled, so I’m going to assume that it’s a filthy, filthy swear word. And after a few “tense” moments Sun yells back and they share a water hug. Aww.
And we go to commercial. “Day Break” looks nothing like “Groundhog Day.” Or that one episode of “The X-Files.” Nothing at all like either one.
Flashback. Sun is at the King of Siam’s funeral. She runs into her dad. Awkward. Her dad is like, “I hear he killed himself. He must have been VERY ASHAMED.” Sun asks him if he ever plans on telling Jin, and her dad is like, “I already inferred like hell for five minutes; if he never puts two and two together, that’s his lookout.”
Flashforward. Sun is wet on the beach. Jin does one of those lovey huggy “I don’t know what I’d do without you” scenes that never fails to negate any previous misogynistic statements of his. Sayid interrupts the moment to apologize for being stupid and tell them it’s time they head back.
To Kate and Sawyer, who are put back in their cages after a hard day’s work. Sawyer is hacking and spitting. Kate asks him if he’s okay, then asks him what the hell his problem is, kissing her in public like that, he knows how she feels about PDA. He says, “I couldn’t help myself. You just looked so damn cute swinging that pickaxe. Chain-gang looks good on you, Freckles.” Hee. But it turns out he had an ulterior motive: he was sizing up all the guards, figuring out their various weaknesses. P.S. Juliet is badass and would shoot Kate no problem. P.P.S. Kate tastes like strawberries. P.P.P.S. Sawyer tastes like fish biscuits. P.P.P.P.S. All I can taste is the VOMIT in my MOUTH.
And as Sawyer continues to helpfully outline his Master Plan to Get Out, we realize that hey, he’s on candid camera! And Benry’s watching.
And, just because we haven’t had our weekly quota of Jack, it’s back to his corner, where he apparently hasn’t moved. All day. Benry nips in to say hi, bringing along one of those little snap-out folding chairs, heh. Benry leans forward with a grin and talks about how last week, they were in opposite positions and funny old world, innit? And Benry justifies his lies by pointing out that Jack’s an asshole who would have just turned him over to torture-happy Sayid, and Jack says, “What do you want from me?” which is Captive for “You’ve struck a nerve.” So Benry almost says “I want you to change your attitude,” but at the last minute he subs “perspective” for “attitude.” He decides to introduce himself honestly, and holds out his hand and says, “Hi. My name is Benjamin Linus, and I’ve lived on this island all my life.” Jack doesn’t move. “…Not gonna shake?” Of course he’s not going to shake, he’s an asshole.
Benry tells someone to “bring it in,” and strolls over to the big glass window. Jack asks about Kate and Sawyer, and Benry assures him that they’re “fine” and they’re “close,” which Jack probably misinterprets as meaning they’re “close” by and not “close” as in making out when they should be hauling rocks. Benry tells Jack that if he cooperates, he’ll be sent home. “Cooperate with what?” Jack asks. Benry tells him patience is a virtue, Jack disagrees. Like Jack is any position to be calling the shots. Then Jack says, “Home? Like where you sent Walt and Michael?” Holy crap, the actual mentioning of departed characters! Benry’s like, “Yes, actually.” Jack expresses disbelief. Benry is like, “Seriously. We have contact with the outside world. That’s how we know Bush was reelected and the Red Sox won the world series.” And Jack is like, “The RED SOX?? Pull the other one!” And Benry’s like, “I’m SERIOUS,” and he turns on a TV someone has wheeled up to the glass and shows a clip of the Red Sox winning, and Jack wanders up to the glass and stares at the TV like he’s looking into the face of God.
“That’s home, Jack. Right there on the other side of that glass. If you listen to me, if you trust me, if you do what I tell you, when the time comes… I’ll take you there. I will take you home.”
And, I’m sorry Benry, but boy did I laugh at that line. It’s all in the delivery.
Now for the actual show. We see a glass ballerina. She is spinning and spinning and falling and crashing and shattering, and young Sun thinks the Korean equivalent of “Oh, shit.” She flees.
A short time later, her little piano practice session is interrupted. She turns off the metronome (can’t keep the beat, Sun? Aw, who am I kidding? Of course you can) and looks up at her father, who has one squinty eye and one wider eye and this will freak me out for the rest of the episode. Sun’s padre drops a plastic bag full of glass on the floor. “Did you break the ballerina?” he asks.
“Who, me?” asks Sun.
“Yes, you!” says her father.
“Couldn’t be!” says Sun.
“Then who?” asks her father.
“…The maid,” Sun replies. That clumsy maid.
Sun’s dad isn’t buying it, and reminds her that if she insists on blaming the maid, he’ll just have to fire the maid to teach Sun a lesson about the importance of honesty. Sun sticks to her story. Her dad is pissed and storms out. So much for guilt-tripping the truth out of her.
We fwoosh forward into the “present day” (more or less). Sun is splashing water on her face in the wee sailboat bathroom, still crippled with guilt over the firing of that maid. Only she’s not, so I’m not sure what that flashback was supposed to tell us, exactly. That Sun can do more than just garden and conceive? That she can lie with a straight face? Man, we learned that one when she told Jin the kid was his.
Jin knocks on the door, and Sun assures him that she’s just vomiting, no biggie. But this seems to spur Jin to sudden action; he storms up onto the deck and has an argument with Sayid via his wife. It goes something like this:
Jin: GHSWIOUBNSDFIOGUNSDIOFUN!
Sayid: (thinks: Oh, boy.)
Sun: Jin says it’s time to leave.
Jin: FEOIUNWOIUDNSOIDUFNSDIOUFI!
Sun: And he thinks your plan is crap.
Sayid: I’m sure Jack has a perfectly good reason for being a day late. Let’s just mosey on around the coast and light another fire.
Sun: Wsdnufipowunweoiufnwsnedf.
Jin: NO.
Sun: Jin says ‘no.’
Then Jin gets all, “You shall listen to me because I am your husband, damn it!” like the boom just swung around and hit a “reset” button on his back that sent his character right on back to episode two of season one. So Sun uses her mad English skills to be like, “Good plan, Sayid, I’m with you.” And Jin looks pissed, but he couldn’t possibly be able to understand her because in the two months he’s been on the island, the only English words he’s picked up are ‘no,’ ‘boat,’ ‘others,’ and ‘gun.’ But hey, on this island, that’s really all you need.
And we bop over to Jack, who is languishing in a corner with a camera trained on him. It’s the dullest episode of “Real World: Island Edition” ever. Juliet walks in with lunch, and Jack doesn’t react. “Are you feeling any better?” No response. “I made this soup myself, but I won’t take it the wrong way if you don’t like it,” she says, and Jack makes a face like, “I saw what you did to those muffins. I ain’t touching that soup.”
Viola walks out, then knocks on another door to reveal a bank of TV screens and Benry, who says, “You never made soup for me.” And Hermia says, “That’s because you don’t appreciate the genius of Stephen King, Benry.” And Benry says, “Oh God, not this again,” and then some third blonde chick (why are they all blonde?) comes in and says, “Am I interrupting something?” like Benry and Helena were ripping at each other’s clothes and not just talking.
“Would it really matter if you were?” says Juliet. Apparently blondie makes a habit of busting in on island make-out sessions. Where the hell was she when Kate kissed Jack? We could have used her, then.
But they have a situation. Sayid found the decoy village! Benry is like, “That’s kind of what we wanted.” But then blondie drops the bomb: they have a boat! You know, like the boat we had that one time! Only prettier! Oh, shitake mushrooms! Rosalind doesn’t think this is a big deal, but blondie points out that if they have a boat, they could conceivably FIND THEM. HERE. In the leper colony! Funny, all the castaways have FEET, but no one seems to think that as pressing a matter as the boat.
Benry thinks, then asks how soon she can put together “a team.” No time at all, says Blondie. Benry tells her to scoot. I smell a game of capture the flag: winner takes all.
Colleen. That’s blondie’s name. Benry says, “Hey, Colleen? I want that boat.” If you wanted a boat that badly, why did you let Michael and Walt putt-putt off into the sunset when you could have just, you know, killed them?
Commercials.
Sawyer gets himself a fish biscuit, waking Kate in the process. He offers her half the biscuit, and I’d say it was gentlemanly if he wasn’t clearly being facetious. He wants that biscuit all to himself, you can tell.
Zeke and some glorified extras show up and take Sawyer and Kate out of their cells. One of them, who we will call Boss (since that’s what Sawyer winds up calling him), hands Sawyer a lunch pail because he’ll need to keep up his strength, apparently. It’s going to be one intense game of capture the flag.
Colleen comes running up yelling, “Daddy, wait!” Boss goes over, they say something, and then Boss kisses her cheek in a way that doesn’t quite seem fatherly, but maybe it’s just me. Sawyer watches them. Perv. Boss belligerently says, “What are you lookin’ at?” and Sawyer smirks.
Cut to the boat. Sayid is loading his gun. Sun apologizes to Jin for disagreeing with him in front of Sayid. Jin informs her that she shouldn’t be disagreeing with him, period. Sun says, “You’re absolutely right. You’ve always been right, and I’ve always been wrong, and allow me to verbally butter you up so you’ll forgive me for…
“… sleeping with my English tutor! Oh, SNAP!” says flashback Sun. English tutor (who looks a bit like he fell out of “The King and I”) asks Sun what’s wrong. Sun’s like, “I’m married.” And he says, “Oh, right,” and then they make out like it’s a funny joke. Except Sun’s not laughing, so they don’t make out for that long. Sun’s serious, and she’s about to leave when the King of Siam is like, “Wait. I got you a totally awesome pearl necklace.” Sun’s like, “I can’t wear that, you know.” And the King of Siam is like, “I don’t want to share you anymore. You and I can run away to America, and we will live happily and anonymously somewhere, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.”
They’re interrupted by a soft knock. Sun insists no one knows she’s here. But uh oh, in walks SUN’S DAD. He’s like, “Get dressed” and Sun is mortified. This would be the perfect time to ‘fess up about the ballerina, Sun.
Fwoosh to Sawyer and Kate. They’re taken to—I shit you not—a workfield where they are made to—I shit you not—break rocks with picks. If Boss was wearing mirrored sunglasses, it would be perfect.
Kate is on chopping detail, Sawyer on hauling detail. “You expect me to work in this dress?!” Kate says. Boss is all, “Well, you could always take it off.” Sawyer looks at Kate like he thinks Boss has a point. Kate gives him a “back me up here, you asshole” look, so Sawyer turns to Boss and says, “How dare you!” Heh.
Boss is not amused. He tries to lay down the law with Sawyer being obnoxious, a-like so:
Boss: If you want anything, raise you hand.
Sawyer: (raises hand) I gotta question, Boss!
Boss: No questions.
Sawyer: (points to Kate) She got to ask a question.
Boss: If you piss me off, you’ll be shocked.
Sawyer: SHOT? Don’t we get a warning?
Boss: SHOCKED. I said SHOCKED.
Sawyer: Gotta annunciate better, Boss.
Boss: No enjoying yourselves. No pissing me off. Else you get SHOCKED.
But it still sounds like “shot.”
Then Kate tries to be stubborn and demand to see Jack, so Boss shocks Sawyer. Sawyer gives Kate a very angry look. This is what you get for agreeing to participate in a love triangle, guys.
Side note: what’s with the rock hauling? Are the Others putting in a pool? An ornamental pond, perhaps? Or did they just decide to look for the most stereotypical form of labor they could find for their prisoners? “Once you’ve got the rocks cleared, you can mow the grass with your teeth!”
Commercial break. Again.
Flashback. Jin goes to see Sun’s father in his office. Sun’s dad hands Jin a photo of the King of Siam and spends the next five minutes inferring like hell that Sun’s banging him on the side, but Jin doesn’t pick up on it, since Sun’s dad is using vague terms like, “I need you to ‘deliver a message’ to the guy who has been ‘dishonoring us all’ by ‘stealing something from me’ and by ‘dishonoring me’ I mean ‘dishonoring you,’ sonny, so you should be taking this all very personally.” So Jin agrees to take this guy out.
Flashforward. Jin takes out his rage on a fish. Sun calls him up on deck to show him something, and hey, it’s the very same dock from which Walt and Michael putt-putted away. Jin has an excuse to say ‘udahs,’ and Sayid says the dock is decayed and hasn’t been used in quite some time. Um, what? That dock looks like it’s in fine shape to me. Sayid decides this is the perfect place to build another huge-ass fire. Jin says, “Safe?” He learned a new word! Sayid patronizes him accordingly, and then it’s back to the workfield.
Kate is chopping away, and her dress is riding up a bit so Sawyer pauses to enjoy the view. Boss yells at him, and it seems Cordelia has joined the gang.
As Kate chops away, a pebble bounces off her rock and a voice hisses, “Psst!” It’s Alex. She peeks out of the bushes and warns Kate not to let them see that Kate’s talking to her, so Kate does a really obvious glance to make sure no one’s watching her. Smooth. Then she crouches down like, “Maybe they’ll think I’m karate-chopping this rock instead of using the pick like a normal person.”
Alex asks about Carl. D’aww, they’re in lub. Also, Kate is wearing Alex’s dress. Alex tells her she can keep it before running off. How charitable of her.
Sawyer wanders up and asks Kate if she’s having fun. Kate tells him to quit staring at her ass, so Sawyer tells her to give him something else to stare at. Um… touché? Boss tells them to shut up.
Back to the beach, where Sayid is building a fire roughly as tall as an adolescent giraffe. Sun is suspicious. She accuses Sayid of being a liar, and Sayid is like, “It takes one to know one.” So he reveals his new plan: attract the Others. “I suspect that when they see the smoke, they’ll send a scouting party. The party will remain hidden and report that we have a sailboat, and since a sailboat is a hell of a commodity on an island, I imagine they’ll organize a raiding party to steal said boat while we fiddle around with a fire on the beach.”
Oh, wait. What he really says is something along the lines of, “They’ll come staggering blindly out of the jungle towards the fire, and we’ll pick off all but two of them so I have something to torture now that Henry’s gone. It’ll be easy-peasy. You can stay on the boat by yourself; they won’t bother with you out there.” Can we elect some new people to the Craphole Island planning council? Because seriously, their plans have sucked pretty consistently ever since day one.
And I do the commercial dance.
Flashback. Jin comes home, and he’s in a bit of a mood. They engage in some forced small talk until Jin says that Sun’s father called him “son” today, and that was weird, and now he feels especially obligated to carry out this hit, and we can start a new life but we can’t RAAFIGHT BEING MARRIED TO YOU IS SUCH A CHORE. Jin starts to leave. Sun asks where he’s going. I say, “To deliver a message,” and Jin says, “To deliver a message.” So there are two options: I get plus five points for being psychic, or the writers get minus five for predictable dialogue.
Flashforward. Jin is pissy on the beach. He asks Sayid for the gun. Sayid says he doesn’t understand, and Sun is forced to translate her husband’s accusations about the true nature of the plan, which he has pretty much figured out because it turns out he understands English better than Sun thinks he does, and he knows she betrayed him, and he wants the gun, like, now. Sayid hands one over and starts to explain how it works until Jin demonstrates that he pretty much knows what he’s doing, thank you very much. Sayid looks surprised that his is apparently not the only backstory that isn’t full of sunshine and bunnies. He tells Sun to go wait on the boat with the other gun.
Back to Sawyer and Kate. Juliet is chatting it up with Boss when Sawyer catches her eye. She was grinning outright, but she sobers a little like, “I’m sorry. There’s absolutely nothing funny about manual labor.” So she reverts to her default expression, which is this half-smile that is starting to get on my nerves. She and Jack are perfect for one another, they can sit facing each other and she can half-smile and he can look constipated and they can call it ‘emoting.’
So Goneril gives Sawyer a canteen to demonstrate how nice she is, and Sawyer dumps the water on the ground to demonstrate how badass he is. Then he walks over and looks at Kate, who is still chopping away but looks like she really wants to sit down for a bit. And the four strings of lurve come in, and Sawyer throws down the wheelbarrow and strides over to Kate who just has time to give him a “WTF are you doing?” look before he grabs her and snogs her like crazy. Boss is like, “HEY. WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT ENJOYING YOURSELVES?” Sawyer smiles at Kate, then gets a rifle-butt to the head. He beats the crap out of a few guards and manages to get one of the guns, but Kate has helpfully gotten herself captured by Juliet, so Sawyer is forced to drop the gun and the Boss gives him a hell of a shock. It didn’t take much to clip Kate’s wings. Must have been some damn fine coffee.
Nighttime at the beach. Jin and Sayid lurk pointlessly in the jungle. Sun starts to make tea when she hears footsteps on the deck. Pirates! She scrambles for the gun and hello, commercials.
Flashback. Jin follows the King of Siam up to his hotel room and proceeds to beat the ever-living daylights out of him. “Do you know who I am? Do you know why I’m here?” Jin asks, pulling out a gun. The King of Siam sobs and begs forgiveness, though he helpfully never actually names his transgression. But Jin chickens out, as characters on this show are wont to do when they have another at gunpoint. He tells the King of Siam to run away and never return a la “The Lion King,” then leaves. He gets into his car just in time for the King of Siam to land on the hood, the pearl necklace clutched in his hand. Ew.
Back to the jungle. Jin and Sayid start to wonder if maybe they’re wasting their time. Colleen enters the boat and finds herself face-to-face with Sun and her gun. Sun wants off the boat, but Colleen says she can’t allow that because “it’s not my decision to make, and P.S. five of my friends are just upstairs.” Sun tells her to lower her voice, heh. Then Colleen gets all, “I’ve read your file. I know you. You’re no killer, so you won’t kill me.” And Sun’s like, “Tell that to the BALLERINA when you SEE HER IN HELL!” BLAMMO!
Only not really. It’s just that the boat starts, and Sun is startled and pulls the trigger and Colleen is like, “Shit, didn’t see that coming,” before slumping to the ground. Then it’s a shootout on the boat as Sun tries to escape, and Jin and Sayid run to the rescue but are held up on the dock. Jin jumps into the water as the boat speeds away and starts swimming. Sun starts to sneak towards the rail when Zeke sees here and shoots, and Sun makes a startled noise and falls into the water, and the audience would be holding its breath if a mock-death didn’t happen every damn episode.
So Jin is splashing around yelling something that sounds nothing like “Sun!” and isn’t subtitled, so I’m going to assume that it’s a filthy, filthy swear word. And after a few “tense” moments Sun yells back and they share a water hug. Aww.
And we go to commercial. “Day Break” looks nothing like “Groundhog Day.” Or that one episode of “The X-Files.” Nothing at all like either one.
Flashback. Sun is at the King of Siam’s funeral. She runs into her dad. Awkward. Her dad is like, “I hear he killed himself. He must have been VERY ASHAMED.” Sun asks him if he ever plans on telling Jin, and her dad is like, “I already inferred like hell for five minutes; if he never puts two and two together, that’s his lookout.”
Flashforward. Sun is wet on the beach. Jin does one of those lovey huggy “I don’t know what I’d do without you” scenes that never fails to negate any previous misogynistic statements of his. Sayid interrupts the moment to apologize for being stupid and tell them it’s time they head back.
To Kate and Sawyer, who are put back in their cages after a hard day’s work. Sawyer is hacking and spitting. Kate asks him if he’s okay, then asks him what the hell his problem is, kissing her in public like that, he knows how she feels about PDA. He says, “I couldn’t help myself. You just looked so damn cute swinging that pickaxe. Chain-gang looks good on you, Freckles.” Hee. But it turns out he had an ulterior motive: he was sizing up all the guards, figuring out their various weaknesses. P.S. Juliet is badass and would shoot Kate no problem. P.P.S. Kate tastes like strawberries. P.P.P.S. Sawyer tastes like fish biscuits. P.P.P.P.S. All I can taste is the VOMIT in my MOUTH.
And as Sawyer continues to helpfully outline his Master Plan to Get Out, we realize that hey, he’s on candid camera! And Benry’s watching.
And, just because we haven’t had our weekly quota of Jack, it’s back to his corner, where he apparently hasn’t moved. All day. Benry nips in to say hi, bringing along one of those little snap-out folding chairs, heh. Benry leans forward with a grin and talks about how last week, they were in opposite positions and funny old world, innit? And Benry justifies his lies by pointing out that Jack’s an asshole who would have just turned him over to torture-happy Sayid, and Jack says, “What do you want from me?” which is Captive for “You’ve struck a nerve.” So Benry almost says “I want you to change your attitude,” but at the last minute he subs “perspective” for “attitude.” He decides to introduce himself honestly, and holds out his hand and says, “Hi. My name is Benjamin Linus, and I’ve lived on this island all my life.” Jack doesn’t move. “…Not gonna shake?” Of course he’s not going to shake, he’s an asshole.
Benry tells someone to “bring it in,” and strolls over to the big glass window. Jack asks about Kate and Sawyer, and Benry assures him that they’re “fine” and they’re “close,” which Jack probably misinterprets as meaning they’re “close” by and not “close” as in making out when they should be hauling rocks. Benry tells Jack that if he cooperates, he’ll be sent home. “Cooperate with what?” Jack asks. Benry tells him patience is a virtue, Jack disagrees. Like Jack is any position to be calling the shots. Then Jack says, “Home? Like where you sent Walt and Michael?” Holy crap, the actual mentioning of departed characters! Benry’s like, “Yes, actually.” Jack expresses disbelief. Benry is like, “Seriously. We have contact with the outside world. That’s how we know Bush was reelected and the Red Sox won the world series.” And Jack is like, “The RED SOX?? Pull the other one!” And Benry’s like, “I’m SERIOUS,” and he turns on a TV someone has wheeled up to the glass and shows a clip of the Red Sox winning, and Jack wanders up to the glass and stares at the TV like he’s looking into the face of God.
“That’s home, Jack. Right there on the other side of that glass. If you listen to me, if you trust me, if you do what I tell you, when the time comes… I’ll take you there. I will take you home.”
And, I’m sorry Benry, but boy did I laugh at that line. It’s all in the delivery.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2006-10-12 05:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-12 05:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-12 05:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-12 05:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-12 05:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-12 05:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-12 05:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-12 09:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-12 05:58 am (UTC)And when Ben was all "You never made soup for me" I went "AAWW!" I shit you not. I am so pathetic. BEN/JULIET FOREVAR! THEY ARE SO ADORABLY DIVORCED! AND ALEX IS IN LOVE WITH CARL! AND BEN'S LIKE DAMMIT, NO SON OF MINE IS GONNA SUCK FACE WITH SPAWN OF CRAZY MCFRENCHWOMAN! INTO THE CAGE WITH YOU! AND ALEX IS LIKE *TEAR*
He keeps getting creepier and yet I keep wanting to cuddle him! and on that last like it was totally like, he's gonna take Jack home like lead him to the promised land. or.....I don't know, have really good sex with him. "I'm gonna take you home, baby."
okay I need to go vomit at that mental image.
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Date: 2006-10-12 09:22 pm (UTC)The more I think about it, the pervier "I am gonna take you home!" sounds. Yeesh.
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Date: 2006-10-12 06:12 am (UTC)I deed not like this episode as much as the one last week. If we're going to have no sense makey, could we have no sense makey that involves something more interesting than breaking rocks? And how did they not notice when Kate did the big obvious glance around of DOOM and stopped working and stared into the bushes? Jeeeez. I just don't get why the Others would go to the trouble of getting all three of them if Sawyer and Kate are just there as forced labor.
I thought it was Juliet who got shot, but that's because I'm terrible at recognizing faces. Watching Tron was probably the most confusing thing I've ever done because they all dressed exactly alike and had their hair covered. *dies*
I...have ideas for fanfic. Not fanfic that applies to what's going on now, but fanfic nonetheless. Stupid superfluous ideas.
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Date: 2006-10-12 09:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-13 02:27 am (UTC)But if it's all about Jack, what were they doing with Kate between breakfast and cage time? I think they at least have a reason for Kate being there...hope so, anyway. Going to go nuts if it's all about Jack. But yea, I think the only reason Sawyer's there is for leverage. Too bad, so sad, I WANT SOME FRIGGIN SAWYER BACKSTORY! We know Jack's an angsty nutjob, so how about we look at the one guy who still has some mystery to him?
I'm going to write my own Sawyer episode at this rate, but I'll probably have to set it back in S2 because I have no idea where they're going with this right now. It'll be a while, though...have to get to the ninth circle of hell in my reading of Dante. *taps nose* Then of course the making of an actual plot...stupid vague plotbunnies.
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Date: 2006-10-13 12:59 am (UTC)Did you watch the preview for next week? I nearly wet my pants when Hurley uttered the infamous words: "Dude, the hatch burned your underwear off."
~B
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Date: 2006-10-13 04:00 am (UTC)Hehehe yes! Nakie Desmond will be a thing of great beauty, I'm sure.
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Date: 2006-10-13 07:39 pm (UTC)I don't know if it's charity or if it's eww, Kate was wearing my dress.
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Date: 2006-10-13 07:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-13 07:48 pm (UTC)But beard wearing guy, I don't want to hit Michael with a gun! I'm so writing about this in my journal when we get back!
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Date: 2006-10-14 05:01 pm (UTC)Dear Diary... Ben just told me there isn't going to BE a Jungle Prom! WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE A NORMAL LIFE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE???? I HATE THIS STUPID ISLAND.
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Date: 2006-10-15 07:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-26 06:32 pm (UTC)~Megan~
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Date: 2006-10-27 02:46 am (UTC)Man, right after I decided to discontinue these things...