Yep, that's a good way of putting it! Just as it's possible to have sex without romance, it's possible to have romance without sex. As a society, we're far more familiar with the idea of casual sex than sexless romance, but they're both real things that happen.
For most asexuals, there's just no automatic progression from "I love this person and want to spend my life with them" to "and also I want to have sex with them," because sexual attraction isn't part of the equation. To us, that's on par with something like, "I love this person, so naturally I want to go kayaking with them." It doesn't follow.
This is where things can get complicated, because some asexuals are willing to have sex with their partners to make them happy, or for the emotional side of the equation, just as some people who aren't really into kayaking might be willing to go kayaking with their partner if their partner was into that sort of thing. But the innate desire to have sex is still absent.
BTW, I really appreciate you providing the opportunity to ask this sort of stuff, because it's tough to grasp on your own--and tough to ask questions without feeling like you're either an idiot or being an unintentional ass because you just have no clue.
Hey, that's why this post exists. ^_^ It is easy to forget, after you've immersed yourself in the online asexual community, that a LOT of the information you take for granted is not easily available to the public at large.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2012-11-29 04:37 pm (UTC)For most asexuals, there's just no automatic progression from "I love this person and want to spend my life with them" to "and also I want to have sex with them," because sexual attraction isn't part of the equation. To us, that's on par with something like, "I love this person, so naturally I want to go kayaking with them." It doesn't follow.
This is where things can get complicated, because some asexuals are willing to have sex with their partners to make them happy, or for the emotional side of the equation, just as some people who aren't really into kayaking might be willing to go kayaking with their partner if their partner was into that sort of thing. But the innate desire to have sex is still absent.
BTW, I really appreciate you providing the opportunity to ask this sort of stuff, because it's tough to grasp on your own--and tough to ask questions without feeling like you're either an idiot or being an unintentional ass because you just have no clue.
Hey, that's why this post exists. ^_^ It is easy to forget, after you've immersed yourself in the online asexual community, that a LOT of the information you take for granted is not easily available to the public at large.