Bonus Feature
Jan. 23rd, 2005 06:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nobleplatypusWell, as some of you may know, FFN was a buttmonkey and deleted the Mockfest. So I'm moving it here, bit by bit. I'm posting it in reverse order, so that it can be read from top to bottom... if that makes sense. I'm putting everything behind cuts, but if the sudden rush of posts clogs up anyone's friends pages, I apologize.
Behind the Screens: the Making of a Mockfest
(cut to Randi, who is sitting in a chair with a Mary-Sue Mockfest poster in the background)
Randi: Well, when Platy offered me the role, I said yes right away. I mean, it's rare that you get a chance to work with someone so… you know… (waves hand vaguely)
(cut to Legolas, in a similar chair)
Legolas: (looking kinda at the ground) I've done a lot of serious stuff, a lot of romances… God, a lot of romances… and I kind of wanted to break out of that, you know… show my versatility. I didn't want to limit myself, if… does that make any sense? (looks thoughtfully up at camera) I mean, you could say that this was a bit of a romance, I guess, but it was really more of a comedy than that… (trails off)
(cut to Platy, also in a chair… except hers has a little ladder on the side so she can reach the seat)
Platy: This project was really something special, I think. We got the entire Fellowship back together, which I know was fun for all of them. I think Merry and Pippin in particular really enjoyed themselves, even though they weren't featured in that many scenes.
(cut to Merry and Pippin, in chairs as well. Their background poster is different)
Pippin: Well, how can you not enjoy yourself?
Merry: We got to act like complete prats! (grins)
Pippin: Talk about type casting!
Merry: Speak for yourself.
Pippin: (gives Merry a look) I was!
Merry: (long pause) All right, then.
Pippin: I made up all of those jokes. Those were mine. (raises his eyebrows and looks proud of himself. Points to self and mouths the word "mine.")
(cut back to Platy)
Platy: So yeah, I just had an amazing cast… Ed in particular was just phenomenal…
(cut to Ed. He's poking his head over a stable door. There is a Mockfest poster on the lower half of the door, and he speaks in a very posh British accent)
Ed: This really was a wonderful experience. We were filming for a couple of months in Middle-earth… which was just amazing. We all really bonded, you know?
(cut to Randi)
Randi: Working with Ed was such fun… he really is an amazing actor. He was always so in the moment… (pauses thoughtfully) I mean, you really believed that the guy loved dirt.
(cut back to Ed)
Ed: (chuckles) Ah, yes, the dirt… (nods slowly) It really became the running gag, didn't it? (pauses thoughtfully) I f*cking hate dirt, now that you mention it.
(cut to Platy)
Platy: One of the real challenges we had making this Mockfest was… trying to determine what was over the top, when we'd gone too far. I know a lot of orcs, for example, who thought the whole suicide thing was nonsense… Lurtz thought it was brilliant, though.
(cut to Lurtz, in a chair)
Lurtz: I know my death scene was kinda short, but I really tried to convey the internal conflict that my character was feeling at the time. I mean, he's turning his own crossbow on himself, because he has to, but I don't really think he wants to… I just wanted it to be a really powerful moment, and I think I pulled it off. (brief slow-motion clip of Lurtz shooting himself in the head) Yeah, I really think it was… (pauses to search for the right word) … magic. Yeah. (grins toothily)
(cut to Platy)
Platy: And the name was a big issue. Litherienennalleluiacarabethielawen. I think it's… (pauses to count) seventeen syllables? Lith-EAR-ee-EN-enn-ALL-lay-LOO-yah-CARE-a-BETH-ee-EL-a-WEN. Sixteen syllables, sorry. It took Randi a few weeks to learn how to say it. I could probably make a whole 'nother feature-length film with just the bloopers from people forking up her name.
(cut to Legolas)
Legolas: I still can't say it. Lith… Lithy… ah, f*ck it. Some language coach ended up just doing a voice-over; it was easier that way.
(cut to Frodo and Sam)
Frodo: Did Legolas ever learn how to say her name?
Sam: I don't think so, no. (laughs)
Frodo: (frowns thoughtfully) We weren't in this much, were we?
Sam: No, Mr. Frodo, we weren't.
Frodo: (short pause) Kinda nice, wasn't it?
Sam: (nods wordlessly)
(cut to Platy)
Platy: I did feel kind of bad, because a lot of the main characters didn't really get very much screen time. But then again, in Mary-Sues… or at least, in the ones I've come across… all of the characters except the lust object fade into the background, anyway, so I guess it was kind of fitting. (short pause) I still feel bad, though. (another short pause) Meh. (shrugs)
(cut to Elrond)
Elrond: I didn't have a very large role, but it… it was still a challenge. Walking into Litherienennalleluiacarabethielawen's bedchamber without vomiting took a lot of effort. I had to learn to suppress my gag reflex, so I took up sword-swallowing… started with the shards of Narsil and worked my way up… (short clip of Elrond downing Glamdring while the rest of the cast and crew clap and cheer) It's a good party trick.
(cut to Aragorn)
Aragorn: That sword thing was amazing. (shakes his head) Damn.
(cut to Boromir)
Boromir: I don't know how the hell he did it. (looks bewildered)
(cut back to Platy)
Platy: Elrond was really dedicated. I mean, there was the whole sword thing… but he was just really focused overall. During that conversation between him and Randi, he never cracked up once. I think Randi lost it five or six times.
(cut to Randi)
Randi: I felt so bad! There he was, totally calm and collected, and I was just rolling on the ground… like when he told me I didn't think highly of myself? God, I couldn't keep a straight face! Thank God for editing, that's all I have to say. Or goddess. (smiles)
(cut to Platy)
Platy: Working with deities is always a challenge, but in this case it was a particularly delicate operation. Celestina wasn't sure that she liked the way we were portraying her, and she got a bit… testy. (short clip of crew screaming and running for cover as fire rains down from the heavens) We talked her around in the end, and I think she really started to relish being diabolical.
(cut to Celestina)
Celestina: We had some… creative differences, I guess you could call them. There was my last name, for starters. I just go by Breaker. But my mum's last name was Wind, so Platy decided to make it Wind-Breaker, and then she just cut the hyphen altogether. So that was a bit of an issue. (frowns) A light jacket, my ass. And there was my wardrobe. I would NEVER wear some of that stuff in real life. I do have some self-respect. (short, thoughtful pause) But I guess you could argue that it helped with the role. I was genuinely pissed off, so acting frustrated with Randi wasn't much of a challenge.
(cut to Platy)
Platy: One of the things I wanted to do was to make sure that we never lost the humor… at least, in the sections where the Fellowship was OOC. I always wanted that element to be there, always. So I encouraged the cast and crew to have a good time. (clip of Legolas letting Randi fall in the mud and laughing, while Randi shouts, "You're supposed to catch me, you asshat!" Aragorn and Gandalf are laughing so hard that they have to sit down, and Randi throws a fistful of mud at Legolas, who dodges it)
(cut to Randi)
Randi: Legolas was such a f*cking jackass… hating him wasn't a challenge at all.
Legolas: (from off-screen) I heard that!
Randi: (glares off to the side and shouts) What are you gonna do about it, biatch?!
Legolas: (walks over and looks into the camera) She's lying. She loves me.
Randi: Shut up! (cracks up)
Legolas: (looking earnestly into the camera and trying to keep a straight face) Every night she'd be knocking on my trailer door…
Randi: (laughing uncontrollably) I was not! (punches Legolas, who just laughs)
Legolas: Oh, come on, baby, there's no need to lie… (hugs Randi, who is laughing too hard to respond)
(cut to Merry and Pippin)
Merry: Those two were all over each other.
Pippin: It was disgusting.
Merry: I had to bleach my eyes.
Pippin: Sometimes they'd get that horse, too…
Randi: (from off-camera) EW! And I have a boyfriend!
Merry: Poor guy.
Randi: (from off-camera) HEY!!
Pippin: Ah, shit, she's coming over here…
Merry: Run! (jumps off chair and scrambles, dragging Pippin with him, both of them laughing)
(cut to Galadriel)
Galadriel: It was a lot of fun. I'm always so wise and mystical… or else vaguely scary. It was nice to be sulky, if you can believe it! (laughs) Poor Celeborn didn't have much fun, though. That vial hit him pretty hard.
(cut to Celeborn, whose head is bandaged)
Celeborn: Hey, that thing was glass, and it hurt! And as if that wasn't bad enough, it turned out the damn thing wasn't even relevant to the plot! It served as a missile and nothing more. (folds arms and grumbles) Totally unnecessary…
(cut to Randi)
Randi: I tried to throw it gently, I really did! I can't help gravity!
(cut back to Platy)
Platy: I think one of the most challenging sequences was the in-character Fellowship. (nods) You don't see them that way very often, so there was that element of… I don't know… it was just a bit nerve-wracking because I wasn't entirely sure I was even going about it the right way.
(cut to Legolas)
Legolas: Oh, the IC bits were a blast. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to be myself. Platy told us all to act natural, and we all looked at each other like, "What?!" But it all came together in the end.
(cut to Aragorn)
Aragorn: I really enjoyed doing the IC scenes… it was just such a relief… not so much from the rest of the Mockfest, because at least we were OOC to an amusing and outrageous degree… but more from a lot of the other stuff we've done. I mean, it wasn't perfect, but I think she did a good job.
(cut to Boromir)
Boromir: Yeah, those IC bits were great. I think those were the only intelligent lines I had.
(cut to Merry and Pippin)
Merry: She got Pippin all wrong. He never would have given up a search for food.
Pippin: And in reality, I'm pretty sure Merry told Frodo to "suck it up."
Merry: No, that was Sam.
(cut to Frodo and Sam)
Frodo: We weren't in this too much, but it was sure nice to be able to do some IC stuff.
Sam: If I could have chosen only one scene to appear in, it would have been that one, with just the four of us hobbits in character.
Frodo: Yeah. (nods)
(cut to Gimli)
Gimli: I think that was the most screen time I had the entire Mockfest. But it was worth it. I really did want to chop down one of those trees, just to prove I could. (short pause) There were a million of them; those stupid elves could have parted with one. (fondles axe)
(cut to Platy)
Platy: And of course, that was immediately followed by extreme OOC-ness.
(cut to Gandalf)
Gandalf: I'm so glad I wasn't around for that. It was bad enough that I had to explain the entire history of Middle-earth.
(cut to Merry and Pippin)
Pippin: My jokes! All mine!
Merry: I wouldn't admit it so readily, Pip.
Pippin: What do you mean by that?!
(cut to Boromir)
Boromir: I think Legolas punched me a bit harder than was necessary.
(cut to Legolas)
Legolas: I did not hit him that hard! Was he whining about it? What a f*cking pansy!
(cut to Randi)
Randi: I actually didn't mind the huge OOC burst that much. Hell, it was funny! But the singing… that just wasn't cool.
(cut to Platy)
Platy: She actually does have a nice singing voice. And I don't think she had anything against the songs… I didn't. But Evanescence gets stuck in your head so fast.
(cut to Legolas)
Legolas: If I have to listen to another Sue singing that damn song, it'll be me retching in the bushes. Good God. Acting like I had enjoyed it was the biggest acting challenge I have ever faced, period.
(cut to Ed)
Ed: It was a bit odd, the singing and all that. Normally I listen to classical music; I didn't even know who Evanescence was. And now that I do know… well, I think I'll stick to classical, thanks. (clip of Ed in his stable on set, Massenet's Méditation blasting out the door, as the crew clutch at their bleeding ears) I am a wee bit deaf, so I had to crank it up a bit, but no one seemed to mind.
(cut to Boromir)
Boromir: Yeah, Ed really loved his music. It was a bit loud, though. I guess it made us appreciate… you know, that kind of music more than we might have otherwise… I mean, you couldn't escape it. (clip of Boromir with his head jammed under a pillow)
(cut to Aragorn)
Aragorn: It made us appreciate silence, that's what it did.
(cut back to Ed)
Ed: So yes, I really think that I helped bring some culture to the set. (nods)
(Cut to Platy)
Platy: Another big challenge was the ending. I didn't want it to seem like I was copping out.
(cut to Goddess of Canon)
GoC: I thought it was very… fitting, I guess. I mean, I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to… you know, just swoop in some story and set things right. It can be very frustrating. Oh, Celestina IS my daughter, by the way. (smiles a bit) I think some people have trouble believing that. But it's true.
(cut to Celestina)
Celestina: Yes, she is my mother… but she would never ground me in real life. I'm too powerful.
(cut to GoC)
GoC: She is NOT more powerful than me! I mean sure, she's a bit younger… in her prime, really… but I've got age and wisdom on my side. Not to mention the right, for crying out loud!
(cut to Celestina)
Celestina: She's just jealous. (smirks)
(cut to Platy)
Platy: And the ending was where we said goodbye to Ed… that was, I think, one of the most poignant scenes in the entire Mockfest.
(cut to Ed)
Ed: I knew that that was my real chance to shine, in a way. I had been talking about… you know, dirt and whatnot for most of the Mockfest, and this was my real… vulnerable moment. So I tried to make the most of that. (smiles faintly) I think I made Legolas cry.
(cut to Legolas)
Legolas: (shifts in his chair and looks defensive) It was cold and windy that day, and it got into my eyes, that's all. Not that Ed didn't do a good job. I really felt like a jerk dragging Randi away from him.
(cut to Randi)
Randi: Ed did a great job… I ended up sobbing like a baby, once. I think Legolas did, too… (short clip of Legolas standing off to the side and wiping at his eyes) … not that he'd ever admit it. For someone who looks so feminine, he sure acts macho.
(cut to Ed)
Ed: Yeah, Legolas had some trouble dealing with his feminine side, I think.
(cut to Legolas)
Legolas: (folds his arms and scowls) They don't know what they're talking about.
(cut to Platy)
Platy: The last day of filming, we had a huge party. (clip of Boromir and Lurtz dancing on a table with glasses of god-only-knows-what in their hands) It was really bittersweet, though. On the one hand, it was a relief to be done, but on the other hand… we'd all become such good friends. It was rough saying goodbye. (clip of cast members hugging and sobbing)
(cut to Legolas)
Legolas: Well, the rest of us knew we'd be working together soon, so it wasn't really that sad. But it was hard saying goodbye to Platy, Randi, and Ed… because who knew when or if we'd ever get to work with them again? (clip of Legolas hugging Platy and Randi at once, while in the background Gandalf, Celestina, and GoC collaborate on some fireworks)
(cut to Randi)
Randi: It was really weird, because I had never done anything like this before, and I never thought I could get used to it… but then, when we got to the end of filming, I couldn't imagine just going back to my normal life, you know?
(cut to Ed)
Ed: I may never get to work with these people again, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world. (a few still photographs of cast members laughing and happy while emotional music plays in background)
(cut to Platy)
Platy: A lot of people have been asking me if I'm going to make a sequel. (grins) The answer to that is yes, I will be making a sequel! Not anytime really soon, but eventually.
Legolas: (from off-screen) YOU ARE??!
Platy: (laughs) Yep!
Legolas: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!
Platy: Well, I was going to…
Legolas: (runs up to Platy's chair, all excited) Am I in it?
Platy: Of course you are!
Legolas: YESSS!
Platy: I may even make it a trilogy!
Legolas: (hugs Platy, then regains his composure and wanders off)
Platy: (watches him walk away with a bewildered expression on her face) That was weird.
(cut to Randi)
Randi: Another one?! Oh, God… (rubs her temples)
(cut to a montage of photos from the set. Legolas hugging Aragorn (in a purely platonic way), Randi in the mud, Gandalf grinning and waving as he dangles from an invisible safety wire in Moria, the balrog reading Shakespeare, Celestina and Randi palling around, Ed and GoC playing chess, GoC throwing the board across the room in a rage while Ed flinches, the hobbits singing a barbershop quartet with the little hats and canes, all of this while the LOTR soundtrack plays in the background)
(cut to Platy)
Platy: I think it's something that none of us will ever forget. Which is good for some of us, and not so good for others. (clip of Gimli, folding his arms and looking like he's been gypped) But it was a wonderful experience and… I can't wait to do it again sometime. (smiles)
(Freeze frame… fade out)
Behind the Screens: the Making of a Mockfest
(cut to Randi, who is sitting in a chair with a Mary-Sue Mockfest poster in the background)
Randi: Well, when Platy offered me the role, I said yes right away. I mean, it's rare that you get a chance to work with someone so… you know… (waves hand vaguely)
(cut to Legolas, in a similar chair)
Legolas: (looking kinda at the ground) I've done a lot of serious stuff, a lot of romances… God, a lot of romances… and I kind of wanted to break out of that, you know… show my versatility. I didn't want to limit myself, if… does that make any sense? (looks thoughtfully up at camera) I mean, you could say that this was a bit of a romance, I guess, but it was really more of a comedy than that… (trails off)
(cut to Platy, also in a chair… except hers has a little ladder on the side so she can reach the seat)
Platy: This project was really something special, I think. We got the entire Fellowship back together, which I know was fun for all of them. I think Merry and Pippin in particular really enjoyed themselves, even though they weren't featured in that many scenes.
(cut to Merry and Pippin, in chairs as well. Their background poster is different)
Pippin: Well, how can you not enjoy yourself?
Merry: We got to act like complete prats! (grins)
Pippin: Talk about type casting!
Merry: Speak for yourself.
Pippin: (gives Merry a look) I was!
Merry: (long pause) All right, then.
Pippin: I made up all of those jokes. Those were mine. (raises his eyebrows and looks proud of himself. Points to self and mouths the word "mine.")
(cut back to Platy)
Platy: So yeah, I just had an amazing cast… Ed in particular was just phenomenal…
(cut to Ed. He's poking his head over a stable door. There is a Mockfest poster on the lower half of the door, and he speaks in a very posh British accent)
Ed: This really was a wonderful experience. We were filming for a couple of months in Middle-earth… which was just amazing. We all really bonded, you know?
(cut to Randi)
Randi: Working with Ed was such fun… he really is an amazing actor. He was always so in the moment… (pauses thoughtfully) I mean, you really believed that the guy loved dirt.
(cut back to Ed)
Ed: (chuckles) Ah, yes, the dirt… (nods slowly) It really became the running gag, didn't it? (pauses thoughtfully) I f*cking hate dirt, now that you mention it.
(cut to Platy)
Platy: One of the real challenges we had making this Mockfest was… trying to determine what was over the top, when we'd gone too far. I know a lot of orcs, for example, who thought the whole suicide thing was nonsense… Lurtz thought it was brilliant, though.
(cut to Lurtz, in a chair)
Lurtz: I know my death scene was kinda short, but I really tried to convey the internal conflict that my character was feeling at the time. I mean, he's turning his own crossbow on himself, because he has to, but I don't really think he wants to… I just wanted it to be a really powerful moment, and I think I pulled it off. (brief slow-motion clip of Lurtz shooting himself in the head) Yeah, I really think it was… (pauses to search for the right word) … magic. Yeah. (grins toothily)
(cut to Platy)
Platy: And the name was a big issue. Litherienennalleluiacarabethielawen. I think it's… (pauses to count) seventeen syllables? Lith-EAR-ee-EN-enn-ALL-lay-LOO-yah-CARE-a-BETH-ee-EL-a-WEN. Sixteen syllables, sorry. It took Randi a few weeks to learn how to say it. I could probably make a whole 'nother feature-length film with just the bloopers from people forking up her name.
(cut to Legolas)
Legolas: I still can't say it. Lith… Lithy… ah, f*ck it. Some language coach ended up just doing a voice-over; it was easier that way.
(cut to Frodo and Sam)
Frodo: Did Legolas ever learn how to say her name?
Sam: I don't think so, no. (laughs)
Frodo: (frowns thoughtfully) We weren't in this much, were we?
Sam: No, Mr. Frodo, we weren't.
Frodo: (short pause) Kinda nice, wasn't it?
Sam: (nods wordlessly)
(cut to Platy)
Platy: I did feel kind of bad, because a lot of the main characters didn't really get very much screen time. But then again, in Mary-Sues… or at least, in the ones I've come across… all of the characters except the lust object fade into the background, anyway, so I guess it was kind of fitting. (short pause) I still feel bad, though. (another short pause) Meh. (shrugs)
(cut to Elrond)
Elrond: I didn't have a very large role, but it… it was still a challenge. Walking into Litherienennalleluiacarabethielawen's bedchamber without vomiting took a lot of effort. I had to learn to suppress my gag reflex, so I took up sword-swallowing… started with the shards of Narsil and worked my way up… (short clip of Elrond downing Glamdring while the rest of the cast and crew clap and cheer) It's a good party trick.
(cut to Aragorn)
Aragorn: That sword thing was amazing. (shakes his head) Damn.
(cut to Boromir)
Boromir: I don't know how the hell he did it. (looks bewildered)
(cut back to Platy)
Platy: Elrond was really dedicated. I mean, there was the whole sword thing… but he was just really focused overall. During that conversation between him and Randi, he never cracked up once. I think Randi lost it five or six times.
(cut to Randi)
Randi: I felt so bad! There he was, totally calm and collected, and I was just rolling on the ground… like when he told me I didn't think highly of myself? God, I couldn't keep a straight face! Thank God for editing, that's all I have to say. Or goddess. (smiles)
(cut to Platy)
Platy: Working with deities is always a challenge, but in this case it was a particularly delicate operation. Celestina wasn't sure that she liked the way we were portraying her, and she got a bit… testy. (short clip of crew screaming and running for cover as fire rains down from the heavens) We talked her around in the end, and I think she really started to relish being diabolical.
(cut to Celestina)
Celestina: We had some… creative differences, I guess you could call them. There was my last name, for starters. I just go by Breaker. But my mum's last name was Wind, so Platy decided to make it Wind-Breaker, and then she just cut the hyphen altogether. So that was a bit of an issue. (frowns) A light jacket, my ass. And there was my wardrobe. I would NEVER wear some of that stuff in real life. I do have some self-respect. (short, thoughtful pause) But I guess you could argue that it helped with the role. I was genuinely pissed off, so acting frustrated with Randi wasn't much of a challenge.
(cut to Platy)
Platy: One of the things I wanted to do was to make sure that we never lost the humor… at least, in the sections where the Fellowship was OOC. I always wanted that element to be there, always. So I encouraged the cast and crew to have a good time. (clip of Legolas letting Randi fall in the mud and laughing, while Randi shouts, "You're supposed to catch me, you asshat!" Aragorn and Gandalf are laughing so hard that they have to sit down, and Randi throws a fistful of mud at Legolas, who dodges it)
(cut to Randi)
Randi: Legolas was such a f*cking jackass… hating him wasn't a challenge at all.
Legolas: (from off-screen) I heard that!
Randi: (glares off to the side and shouts) What are you gonna do about it, biatch?!
Legolas: (walks over and looks into the camera) She's lying. She loves me.
Randi: Shut up! (cracks up)
Legolas: (looking earnestly into the camera and trying to keep a straight face) Every night she'd be knocking on my trailer door…
Randi: (laughing uncontrollably) I was not! (punches Legolas, who just laughs)
Legolas: Oh, come on, baby, there's no need to lie… (hugs Randi, who is laughing too hard to respond)
(cut to Merry and Pippin)
Merry: Those two were all over each other.
Pippin: It was disgusting.
Merry: I had to bleach my eyes.
Pippin: Sometimes they'd get that horse, too…
Randi: (from off-camera) EW! And I have a boyfriend!
Merry: Poor guy.
Randi: (from off-camera) HEY!!
Pippin: Ah, shit, she's coming over here…
Merry: Run! (jumps off chair and scrambles, dragging Pippin with him, both of them laughing)
(cut to Galadriel)
Galadriel: It was a lot of fun. I'm always so wise and mystical… or else vaguely scary. It was nice to be sulky, if you can believe it! (laughs) Poor Celeborn didn't have much fun, though. That vial hit him pretty hard.
(cut to Celeborn, whose head is bandaged)
Celeborn: Hey, that thing was glass, and it hurt! And as if that wasn't bad enough, it turned out the damn thing wasn't even relevant to the plot! It served as a missile and nothing more. (folds arms and grumbles) Totally unnecessary…
(cut to Randi)
Randi: I tried to throw it gently, I really did! I can't help gravity!
(cut back to Platy)
Platy: I think one of the most challenging sequences was the in-character Fellowship. (nods) You don't see them that way very often, so there was that element of… I don't know… it was just a bit nerve-wracking because I wasn't entirely sure I was even going about it the right way.
(cut to Legolas)
Legolas: Oh, the IC bits were a blast. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to be myself. Platy told us all to act natural, and we all looked at each other like, "What?!" But it all came together in the end.
(cut to Aragorn)
Aragorn: I really enjoyed doing the IC scenes… it was just such a relief… not so much from the rest of the Mockfest, because at least we were OOC to an amusing and outrageous degree… but more from a lot of the other stuff we've done. I mean, it wasn't perfect, but I think she did a good job.
(cut to Boromir)
Boromir: Yeah, those IC bits were great. I think those were the only intelligent lines I had.
(cut to Merry and Pippin)
Merry: She got Pippin all wrong. He never would have given up a search for food.
Pippin: And in reality, I'm pretty sure Merry told Frodo to "suck it up."
Merry: No, that was Sam.
(cut to Frodo and Sam)
Frodo: We weren't in this too much, but it was sure nice to be able to do some IC stuff.
Sam: If I could have chosen only one scene to appear in, it would have been that one, with just the four of us hobbits in character.
Frodo: Yeah. (nods)
(cut to Gimli)
Gimli: I think that was the most screen time I had the entire Mockfest. But it was worth it. I really did want to chop down one of those trees, just to prove I could. (short pause) There were a million of them; those stupid elves could have parted with one. (fondles axe)
(cut to Platy)
Platy: And of course, that was immediately followed by extreme OOC-ness.
(cut to Gandalf)
Gandalf: I'm so glad I wasn't around for that. It was bad enough that I had to explain the entire history of Middle-earth.
(cut to Merry and Pippin)
Pippin: My jokes! All mine!
Merry: I wouldn't admit it so readily, Pip.
Pippin: What do you mean by that?!
(cut to Boromir)
Boromir: I think Legolas punched me a bit harder than was necessary.
(cut to Legolas)
Legolas: I did not hit him that hard! Was he whining about it? What a f*cking pansy!
(cut to Randi)
Randi: I actually didn't mind the huge OOC burst that much. Hell, it was funny! But the singing… that just wasn't cool.
(cut to Platy)
Platy: She actually does have a nice singing voice. And I don't think she had anything against the songs… I didn't. But Evanescence gets stuck in your head so fast.
(cut to Legolas)
Legolas: If I have to listen to another Sue singing that damn song, it'll be me retching in the bushes. Good God. Acting like I had enjoyed it was the biggest acting challenge I have ever faced, period.
(cut to Ed)
Ed: It was a bit odd, the singing and all that. Normally I listen to classical music; I didn't even know who Evanescence was. And now that I do know… well, I think I'll stick to classical, thanks. (clip of Ed in his stable on set, Massenet's Méditation blasting out the door, as the crew clutch at their bleeding ears) I am a wee bit deaf, so I had to crank it up a bit, but no one seemed to mind.
(cut to Boromir)
Boromir: Yeah, Ed really loved his music. It was a bit loud, though. I guess it made us appreciate… you know, that kind of music more than we might have otherwise… I mean, you couldn't escape it. (clip of Boromir with his head jammed under a pillow)
(cut to Aragorn)
Aragorn: It made us appreciate silence, that's what it did.
(cut back to Ed)
Ed: So yes, I really think that I helped bring some culture to the set. (nods)
(Cut to Platy)
Platy: Another big challenge was the ending. I didn't want it to seem like I was copping out.
(cut to Goddess of Canon)
GoC: I thought it was very… fitting, I guess. I mean, I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to… you know, just swoop in some story and set things right. It can be very frustrating. Oh, Celestina IS my daughter, by the way. (smiles a bit) I think some people have trouble believing that. But it's true.
(cut to Celestina)
Celestina: Yes, she is my mother… but she would never ground me in real life. I'm too powerful.
(cut to GoC)
GoC: She is NOT more powerful than me! I mean sure, she's a bit younger… in her prime, really… but I've got age and wisdom on my side. Not to mention the right, for crying out loud!
(cut to Celestina)
Celestina: She's just jealous. (smirks)
(cut to Platy)
Platy: And the ending was where we said goodbye to Ed… that was, I think, one of the most poignant scenes in the entire Mockfest.
(cut to Ed)
Ed: I knew that that was my real chance to shine, in a way. I had been talking about… you know, dirt and whatnot for most of the Mockfest, and this was my real… vulnerable moment. So I tried to make the most of that. (smiles faintly) I think I made Legolas cry.
(cut to Legolas)
Legolas: (shifts in his chair and looks defensive) It was cold and windy that day, and it got into my eyes, that's all. Not that Ed didn't do a good job. I really felt like a jerk dragging Randi away from him.
(cut to Randi)
Randi: Ed did a great job… I ended up sobbing like a baby, once. I think Legolas did, too… (short clip of Legolas standing off to the side and wiping at his eyes) … not that he'd ever admit it. For someone who looks so feminine, he sure acts macho.
(cut to Ed)
Ed: Yeah, Legolas had some trouble dealing with his feminine side, I think.
(cut to Legolas)
Legolas: (folds his arms and scowls) They don't know what they're talking about.
(cut to Platy)
Platy: The last day of filming, we had a huge party. (clip of Boromir and Lurtz dancing on a table with glasses of god-only-knows-what in their hands) It was really bittersweet, though. On the one hand, it was a relief to be done, but on the other hand… we'd all become such good friends. It was rough saying goodbye. (clip of cast members hugging and sobbing)
(cut to Legolas)
Legolas: Well, the rest of us knew we'd be working together soon, so it wasn't really that sad. But it was hard saying goodbye to Platy, Randi, and Ed… because who knew when or if we'd ever get to work with them again? (clip of Legolas hugging Platy and Randi at once, while in the background Gandalf, Celestina, and GoC collaborate on some fireworks)
(cut to Randi)
Randi: It was really weird, because I had never done anything like this before, and I never thought I could get used to it… but then, when we got to the end of filming, I couldn't imagine just going back to my normal life, you know?
(cut to Ed)
Ed: I may never get to work with these people again, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world. (a few still photographs of cast members laughing and happy while emotional music plays in background)
(cut to Platy)
Platy: A lot of people have been asking me if I'm going to make a sequel. (grins) The answer to that is yes, I will be making a sequel! Not anytime really soon, but eventually.
Legolas: (from off-screen) YOU ARE??!
Platy: (laughs) Yep!
Legolas: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!
Platy: Well, I was going to…
Legolas: (runs up to Platy's chair, all excited) Am I in it?
Platy: Of course you are!
Legolas: YESSS!
Platy: I may even make it a trilogy!
Legolas: (hugs Platy, then regains his composure and wanders off)
Platy: (watches him walk away with a bewildered expression on her face) That was weird.
(cut to Randi)
Randi: Another one?! Oh, God… (rubs her temples)
(cut to a montage of photos from the set. Legolas hugging Aragorn (in a purely platonic way), Randi in the mud, Gandalf grinning and waving as he dangles from an invisible safety wire in Moria, the balrog reading Shakespeare, Celestina and Randi palling around, Ed and GoC playing chess, GoC throwing the board across the room in a rage while Ed flinches, the hobbits singing a barbershop quartet with the little hats and canes, all of this while the LOTR soundtrack plays in the background)
(cut to Platy)
Platy: I think it's something that none of us will ever forget. Which is good for some of us, and not so good for others. (clip of Gimli, folding his arms and looking like he's been gypped) But it was a wonderful experience and… I can't wait to do it again sometime. (smiles)
(Freeze frame… fade out)