nobleplatypus | Club of the Ring: Stuck in the Snow!

Current Mood: amused

Club of the Ring: Stuck in the Snow!

Here's a brand-spanking-new chapter of club of the ring! HUZZAH!

Will: (looks around in confusion) Where are we?
Platy: On LJ. Ff.net booted this fic off, remember?
Will: (eyes fill with tears) How come?!
Platy: It's a technical thing.
Jack: They're asshats?
Platy: (shrugs) Yeah, pretty much.
Jack: Ah. (nods)
Platy: But it is only a temporary setback. The show must go on! And so it shall!
Will: YAY!
Platy: I don't own stuff, yadda yadda yadda. On with the story!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(Cut to a room in Riv 'N' Dell. Fro and Bill Bo have a chat)

Bill Bo: (pulls out a sword. It's a nice sword) My old sword, Sting! Take it, take it! (holds out Sting to Fro)

Fro: (hefts sword) It's so light! (swings it and knocks down a lamp) SWEET!

Bill Bo: Well, yes, the elves made it! Their arms are all so thin; they need light swords. The blade glows blue when orcs are close. And it is times like those, dear boy, that you have to watch your back. Now, check out THIS thing! (pulls out a vest that shines a lot and is just Fro's size) Ain't it cute? As light as a light, light thing, and as hard as a hard, hard thing! I want to see you put it on! Come on, strip!

Fro: (starts to take off his shirt)

Fro fan girls: YEA! TAKE IT ALL OFF!!

Dave: (on a chain 'round Fro's neck) Well, hey, it's my old friend Bill Bo!

Bill Bo: Ooooh, my old ring! (eyes light up, starts to drool) I would like to hold it once more… I'd like that a whole lot… just one last time…

Fro: Uh… I think not. (starts to put his shirt back on)

Fro fan girls: Awwww!

Bill Bo: Watch me turn all gross and freak out! HISS! (dives for ring)

Fro: AUGH! (jumps back) Geez!

Bill Bo: (turns his back on Fro and looks all scared and sad) This is all my fault! I brought this on you, my boy… it sucks to be you! Oh, it sucks to be you! (bursts in to tears)

Fro: Um… there, there… (puts his hand on Bill Bo's arm)

(Cut to the next day. The Club of the Ring sets out! They walk and walk and walk, past hills and tall hills and lakes and streams and rocks and stuff, and look all bold and hot and stuff… well… not Gimp and Alf and Bill the small horse, but the rest look hot)

Alf: We must hold to this course west of those tall hills that steam for a long time. If all goes well and our luck holds, the gap of Row will not be blocked, and from there our road turns east, to the land of More Doors.

(They stop for lunch and a rest… but Bor, Mer, and Pip don't want to rest, so they have a sword fight.)

Mer's sword: CLANG CLANG CLANG!

Bor's sword: CLANG CLANG CLANG!

Bor: Not bad! Let's try that once more!

Pip: That was good, Mer!

Mer: (grins as he eats some fruit with one hand and fights with the hand that's left)

Mer's sword: CLASH HONK CLANG!

Goose: GOD DAMN IT! Can't I get one CRUMB of peace?! (flaps off in a huff)

Mer: Uh…

Gimp: If one were to ask me what I though, and I note they are NOT… (coughs) I would say you plan to go the long way 'round! We could go through the mines of Doom, Death, and All Things Bad! My cuz would give us one hell of a par-TAY!

Alf: No way, Gimp. I would not go through the mines… well, I might if a short dude told me to, but or else I would not go through there. It's much too warm for my tastes.

Stride R: Move your feet, Pip!

Pip: What? (looks up at Stride R)

Bor's sword: (whacks Pip on the hand)

Pip: OW! DANG!

Bor: Whoops.

Pip: For that, you must die! (kicks Bor in the shin)

Mer: Yeah, let's get him! (slams in to Bor) For the Shire!

Pip: For my HAND! (jumps on Bor's chest)

Stride R: Heh heh heh… (laughs as Bor gets his ass kicked)

Bor: (screams as Mer sinks his teeth in to his hand) OW! Oh, dear God, I thought it was just a joke!

Pip: KILL! KILLLLLLL!! (foams at the mouth)

Bor: SOME ONE HELP ME!

Stride R: Fork, the short dudes have snapped! (runs to pull them off)

Mer and Pip: (grab Stride R's legs and trip him)

Stride R: THEY'VE GOT ME, TOO! AAIIEEEE!! (writhes in fear as Mer starts to gnaw on his boot)

Leg Less: Look at me spring up on to this rock like a young buck! (boings up on to a rock) Whee! Elves kick ass!

Sam: (looks past Leg Less at a dark cloud thing far off in the sky) What the fork is that?

Gimp: Looks like a cloud to me. Hey, it's shaped like an axe! Cool!

Mer and Pip: (stand up all calm; the red light of blood lust has left their eyes)

Bor and Stride R: (pick them selves up and look at the short dudes in fear and shock)

Mer: I think it looks like a tree.

Pip: No, it's shaped like a fish!

Fro: Looks like a horse to me.

Leg Less: I think it looks like a huge flock of crows that will peck out our eyes and crap on our heads!

Sam: (squints) No, Fro is right. It DOES look like a horse!

Leg Less: No, I mean it! It's a bunch of black crow spies from Sars!

Stride R: Crap! Hide!

Bill: (thinks: Where can I hide?! I'm a small HORSE! SHIP!)

All: (duck down and hide by rocks and shrubs and stuff)

Huge flock of crows: (fly through the air, led by the goose) CAW CAW CAW! Dude, where are they?

Goose: The jerks were right here, I swear!

Flock of crows: You dragged us all here for SQUAT! (flap off in a huff)

All: (crawl out and feel their hair for poo)

Leg Less: (feels some) DAMN IT! (starts to sob) Why me?!

Alf: Pies from Sars!

Leg Less: You mean "spies," and I said that just a short while back!

Alf: I'm old, give me a break. We can't go South. We must climb up the big tall huge hill with snow on top! (claps hands and grins) Let's get on it!

(Time jump. They all trudge through the snow on the big tall huge hill. Well, Leg Less does not trudge, he skips on top of it. And George is curled up nice and snug in Leg Less, so he has to do no work at all.)

Fro: (trips) Oof! (rolls down the hill and slams in to Stride R's legs) Ow…

Stride R: You all right, short dude? (picks up Fro and wipes the snow off)

Fro: I'm fine, but… (feels round his neck) Dave is gone!

Dave: (ten yards up the hill in the snow) Yoo hoo! I'm right here!

Bor: Yoink! (picks up Dave and stares at him)

Dave: Look at how I shine in the sun… I bet I go just great with your neck and your chest…

Bor: It is a strange fate that we should go through so much fear and doubt for so small a thing… (starts to reach up like he wants to poke Dave) such a small, small thing…

Stride R: BAD TOUCH!

Bor: (looks up in shock)

Dave: No, no, I don't mind! Crap!

Stride R: Give the ring back to Fro.

Bor: (walks down the hill and holds out Dave)

Fro: (grabs Dave and puts him back round his neck)

Bor: As you wish. I don't care. (rubs Fro's head) Good luck! Woo! (walks off)

Stride R: (lets go of his sword hilt) Thank god that's done with!

(cut to Sars in his tall thing. There are a bunch of pits in the ground, and loads of orcs make shields and swords and stuff. The black crow spies, still led by the goose, swirl down through the pits till they are by Sars)

Goose: (lands in front of Sars) Dude, you should have seen them! They swung their sharp things back and forth like I was not there! And it HURT! (cries)

Crows: We did see some guys start to slog up a tall hill thing while we were on our way back, though.

Sars: (to self) So, Alf (oops, guess not), you try to lead them up the tall huge hill thing. And if that fails? Where will you go THEN, punk? If the tall hill kicks your ass, will you risk a road more fraught with bad stuff?

(Cut back to the Club of the Ring, in a huge storm of snow)

Leg Less: (walks in front and squints in to the wind) There is a fell voice on the air!

Fell voice: (fades in and out) … hear… bells… ling… oooooooo…oooooo…

Alf: It's Sars!

Rocks: (fall) WE WILL CRUSH YOU! Wait, no we won't!

Stride R: He wants to bring down the whole hill! We must turn back!

Alf: NO! (starts to chant stuff in to the wind, which does not help)

(Cut to Sars, on top of his tall thing, the wind in his hair. We see a huge storm build from the tall thing towards the huge hill. Sars sings at the top of his lungs)

Sars: JUST HEAR THOSE SLEIGH BELLS JING A LING, RING TING TING A LING TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… (sways back and forth to the beat, staff held high) COME ON IT'S -

(Cut back to the Club)

Light ning: ZAP BOOM! (strikes the snow on top of the hill)

Snow: (falls) WE WILL DUMP ON TOP OF YOU!

Leg Less: (pulls Alf back from the edge as snow lands) Saved your life! WUMPH!

(there is a short pause while the snow just sits on top of the Club of the Ring)

Leg Less: (pokes his head out) Wow! What a rush! (digs self out of snow, then helps out the rest as they pop up one by one)

Stride R: (to Alf) I don't know 'bout you, but I'm all funned out.

Bor: We made for the gap of Row! Or take the west road to my home town!

Stride R: Row takes us too close to Sars! (to self) And your town takes us too close to your freak of a dad!

Gimp: If we can't go on top of the tall hill, let's just go THROUGH it! Let us go through the mines of Doom, Death, and All Things Bad! Be sides, the cold makes my bad leg ache like a mo fo!

(brief cut to Sars)

Sars: The mines of Doom, Death, and All Things Bad. You fear to go in to those mines. The dwarves dug too deep. You know what woke up in the dark of the Pit With No End. Flames and smoke and dark stuff!

(cut back to the Club)

Alf: Let Fro pick! (wipes brow) Whew! Glad it's off my chest!

Fro: Well, thanks a lot! (thinks for a bit)

Gimp: (starts to chant) Mines, mines, mines, mines, mines…

Bor: (glares at Gimp and starts to chant as well) My town, my town, my town, my town…

Mer and Pip: (look at Gimp and Bor, then start their own chant)

Mer: Home, home, home, home, home…

Pip: Food and ale, food and ale, food and ale…

Leg Less and Stride R: (chant) Not the mines, not the mines, not the mines…

Sam: (chants) Just your bitch, just your bitch, just your bitch…

Gimp: (chants) MINES! MINES! MINES! MINES!

Bill: (thinks: I don't care, just get me the hell off this tall hill thing!!)

Fro: (claps hands on his ears and screams) ALL RIGHT! WE'LL GO THROUGH THE DARNED MINES!

Gimp: YES!

All but Alf, and Gimp: DAMN IT!

Alf: So be it. If we all die, it ain't MY fault!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And we shall leave off there. Leave a comment! :-P By the by, "Pies from Sars" was an actual typo… but I thought it was funny and left it. ^_^

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The pies thing really made me laugh...it put the oddest mental image in my head. I also liked Stride R saying "And your town takes us too close to your freak of a dad!". This was hysterical. Wow, it's so odd not having to do the review thing on fanfiction.net...

I know... if Sars gave ME pie, I would not eat it for anything. I know, it is odd... but from my POV, at least, it's a whole lot easier! ^_^ And you get your responses e-mailed to you! Huzzah!

Welcome to LJ, Jack and Will. Be careful; it's more dangerous here than at ff.net, those asshats.

Whee, lithe buck Leggy! Woo! I've always said that Will was a deer, with those long legs of his.

Aww, widdle hobbitses go all rabid... not good. At least Bor shuts up and gives Dave back.

The goose is back! WOO! (I think I know where he came from... I hear a flock pass by every other night... sheesh)

Will: O_O Wh-what are the orcs doing?
They're killing all those trees to make evil orcses and unholy swords.
Will: WHAT? Dammit, I'll kill them all myself. I'll kill every last one of them, I don't care how many...
Jack: -_- Smiths and their trade... Will, lad, calm down...

Eek, snow! Yikes!

Pies from Sars was hilarious.. and I love how Leggy gets pissy...

Though, the sad thing is, reading over this, ver and I started playing with it, and ended up with a short monosyllabic slash joke. I won' post it here, to spare your eyes... It was just... amusing.

(deleted comment)

You're welcome. *hug*

My Will always gets riled when those demon-forges start up. he and Haldir go nuts when the dam breaks at Isengard, and Jack's learned that if he cheers for the ents, he gets hugs and *censored* when that part comes around.

THANK YOU FOR THE ICON! *diving tackle-hug* IT'S SO HOT! SO HOT!!
Poor Will and his swords... he gets really testy, doesn't he? And yes, the goose is back, and he wants REVENGE! BWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!

i love the appearance of the goose! :)

"Where will you go THEN, punk?"<--- not sure why i laughed so hard at that, but i did. :)

^^ forgot to sign my comment, not that it matters terribly to anyone but me. :)

-firefly

It matters! Because how else would I know who you are? :-P The goose is back, and he's thirsty for BLOOD! MUAHAHAHA! Ahem.

Thanks muchly! Making Sars immature is fun. Personally, I like the image of him swaying back and forth on top of Isengard, robes billowing, as he sings Christmas carols at the top of his lungs... but that's just me. ;-)

The christmas carol thing made me laugh a lot, because it reminded me of jerrythefrogproductions.com where they were comparing live action LOTR to the animated version.

Live Action Saruman:
Likes to think he's Sauron.

Animated Saruman:
Likes to think he's Santa Claus.

I didn't know Jerrythefrogproductions did more than puppet shows! *dashes off*

Just go to 'The Hand Puppet Theatre Slide Show'

FOUND IT! WEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!

Hehe, rabid hobbits...demented rabid hobbits. Pretty pretty pretty pretty! (Sorry if I'm not making to much sense, it's too sharding early in the morning.) The new chappie rocks. It's munderful. And it's really amazing how you manage to make everything monosyllabic. When are you going to update Croc Hunder of the Caribbean?

Toodles!

P.S.: Love the icon!

Thanks! ^_^ I love my icon, too... though I think yours is more hypnotic. :P As for Croc Huntah... the deletion of all of my reviews has thrown me off, because I didn't write down what everyone necessarily wanted. So I think I might repost the last chapter here, and ask anyone who is reading it still and wants to be involved to comment... since I don't want to write in a bunch of people who are no longer reading it.

Your icon be-eth wonderful. Reposting it here is a good idea. Fanfiction is being evil, it deleted Ember_Firedrake's account, or something like that.

If they continue to be anal-retentive, they're going to lost everyone to LJs and fictionpress. And I won't pity them one bit!

Yeah...

WHEHAW!!
Will...now you don't have ff.net security...I WILL BE BACK FOR YOU! MWAHAHAHA!
I loved the part about Boromir's dad being a freak and Everyone chanting for where they wanted to go! Too funny!
~Megan~

Uh oh... you can't hurt my bitch! I may not have ff.net security, but I still have the AoAP! Stew is crazy... crazy like a fox. Glad you liked it; must away to my flute lesson! *aways*

Here is where I must make up my mind. Either I laugh so hard at CotR that the tears from my eyes ruin my keyboard, or I drool so much over your icon that saliva ruins my keayboard. Such a hard decision . . .

- Silver Rose

P.S.: Did you check out that link I sent you the other night?

Hehehe... no hard decision for me! *drools*

I'm pretty sure I did... if you sent it to me, I checked it out. ^_^ *tries to remember what the link was for* I'm so bad at this sort of thing... argh... but if you remind me, I'm sure I did look at it.

I LIKE PIE! :D Funny chapter. ^_^ Sars singing was great!
*hexes ff.net* EVIL CONTROLLING NAZI MUFFIN HEADS! >:(

Jack: Muffin heads?

Yes. Muffin heads.

Jack: What are muffin heads?

WHAT THE EVIL CONTROLLING NAZI FF.NET PEOPLE ARE!
Anyway, update soon!

Muffin heads. You put it so much more succinctly then I ever could. ^_^ Thanks muchly!

Hello!! It's Roseblade!! Oh my god, you would not believe how I freaked out when I found that your stories had disappeared!! I nearly died! Honest!! *hugs you and shows no sign on letting go*

This Live Journal thing is cool, though. I want one!

This chapter was really funny!! I love it!! I loooooove it! And I do like your icon! How do you make them things? I'd like to learn how, so when actually have time, I can start a LJ and then have my own!! *grins*

I loved the Leg Less line: "Watch me spring up on this rock like a young buck!" That was great! Oh, and George's mention was great too! I could hardly believe it!

Well, I gotta go eat now! I love you! Please continue! Bye!

~Roseblade22

Yay! You found me! *HUGBACK!* Yeah, my heart nearly stopped when I saw that Club of the Ring was gone. And you don't need codes anymore, so LJs are really quick and easy and FREE! You should get one; they take like fifteen minutes to set up, honestly!

Yep, George is in it, too! And the goose! The old gang's all here! ^_^

I love you too, and I most certainly will continue! It's become a crusade, hehehe. *waves* Thanks bunches!

lol that was hysterical!! Loved the goose thing, and can't wait for the next chapter!

Glad you liked it! ^_^ I couldn't leave out the goose! Not when there were swordfight scenes!

This is Katla.
God that was great..."I'm an Elf. Elves kick ass!" Don't we all know it, HEE HEE HEE
:) Good job!

We DO all know it! ^_^ And you can bet they won't get tired of saying it!!

Let me take this moment to say that addicted to ff.net as I am... they suck for taking you off. what the fork?? lol this chapter was great though. I love your Saruman: "Where will you go THEN, punk? If the tall hill kicks your ass, will you risk a road more fraught with bad stuff?" lol most spiffy. oh man it snowed here today like a mo'fo (its frickin MARCH! snow bites.) and so my good co-dork anna and i played caradhras during our out-to-lunch. it involved me being boromir, her being both frodo and aragorn, and playing with my $3 ring. and i got to be saruman and chant. "let your bloodstained horn collapse upon enemy heads!" except in elvish. hurrah! am so glad you are continuing this despite ff.net fascists. go you! ~jamie (aka ElvenPirate41 in the world of ff.net)

Well, thank you! ^_^ At least they didn't remove me entirely... just this fic. Which saddened me. But oh well. Sorry about the snow... at least it will probably melt quickly. It's been chilly here in MN... but I can still tell it's spring. ^_^ From now on, when it snows, I am SO playing Caradhras! Thanks for making the trek to my LJ to find me and review! *hugs* You're the best!

so weird from ff.net. i laughed throughout the whole thing. damn that goose for spying on the club! ah well, guess i'll have to come here to review...

Gilraen Ar-Feiniel

Hehehe, I appreciate it! Yeah, the goose has become all angry and bitter... but at least George knows where his loyalties lie! WOO! Thanks muchly for the review! ^_^

Woo woo! And CotR lives on! Forking FF.net. They like to screw up everything. I still think it's kida weird not reviewing on FF though. Oh well.
Hmmm....fav parts are:
Sam: (chants) Just your bitch, just your bitch, just your bitch…
Sam: (squints) No, Fro is right. It DOES look like a horse!
Leg Less: Look at me spring up on to this rock like a young buck! (boings up on to a rock) Whee! Elves kick ass!

That's all for now! Ta for now!
~TheSiriusSparrow~

Yeah, I know it's weird... but it's kinda more convenient from my end, hehehe. FF.net does like to fork things up... I keep seeing all these great fics written in that format and being scared shipless that they're going to take them down!

Glad you liked the newest chapter! ^_^ Poor Sam... must agree with Frodo at all costs... ;-)

~Platy

Hey, it's me. LegolasLover from LegolasLover and GubblebumPony. Stupid asshats at ff.net deleted one of my fics because it was "interactive" too. And who cares if it was? It's fun to write, people enjoy reading it coz they're included in the fic, and it doesn't HURT anyone... Oh well! :P Kudos to you on another great chapter, and just to let you know, this was probably my fave bit:

::Leg Less: I think it looks like a huge flock of crows that will peck out our eyes and crap on our heads!

Sam: (squints) No, Fro is right. It DOES look like a horse!

Leg Less: No, I mean it! It's a bunch of black crow spies from Sars!

Stride R: Crap! Hide!::

Keep it up! Oh, and I still think you should send Will to a Self Development Camp so as to make him less of a wuss. I am finally wor ing on the next chappie of What Happens When Frodo Swsallws the One Ring, and it should be up tomorrow at the latest. Anyways, adios for now!!!

-LegolasLover, the not-so-stupid-but-just-as-sugar-high-side of LegolasLover and GubblebumPony

Ooooohhhhh! Yay, heheh! I love that fic! *runs off to check* And glad you found me here!

AH! Sars is throwing pies at me! This is NOT fun! *pouts* Evil... Sars... *more pies are thrown* UCK! I don't like pies!

Hey, if you ever use light-ning again, you can simply call it 'bolts of light that come from the sky and hurt' ;)

Hehe... hehe... *still giggling*

Hey, you have lots of reviewers... um... think you can ship some over to my fanfic LJ? *cheesy grin*

-Laire

Pies from sars, well its original, i'll give you that. another funny chapter, i liked the chanting, i think if that was me though all the differences of opinion would have cause my brain to freeze, i'm not the brightest person in the world.

Hahaha, loved Gimp's chanting. Actually, all of their chanting.

Also, I got on here to see who I borrowed this icon from, to let them know I had borrowed it, and now whoever it was has changed theirs as well. So whoever had this awesome Lupin chocolate icon, I really love it. Mind if I borrow? *cowers in fear*

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Club of the Ring: Stuck in the Snow!

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the goose came back! :)

Re: the goose came back! :)

Re: the goose came back! :)

Re: the goose came back! :)

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Re: the goose came back! :)

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PIE! :o---

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Platy!!! I found you!!!

Re: Platy!!! I found you!!!

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PLATY!!!!

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review

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TheSiriusSparrow

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Stupid ff.net!

Re: Stupid ff.net!

*ducks the pies*

legolasgreenleafgil-estel

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ducks the pies