I think I need a new mattress...

[nobleplatypus]

Why do I always have weird-ass dreams when I'm at home?

So I'm standing in my old elementary school. Two things to know about the school: one, it is shaped like a square and maddeningly symmetrical, so unless you know exactly where everything is, you could wind up running around 3/4 of the school to get somewhere that was, in fact, just around the corner. Two, there are the main doors, and four or five other entrance-exits; these other entrances are marked by TWO sets of double-doors.

So I'm standing in between the two sets of double-doors of one of the side entrances. It is night time. I am waiting for Mulder and Scully, and getting rather impatient, because there are bad guys on the loose and they need to be dealt with. I decide to try calling Scully on the phone, but I don't know what her number is, so I guess. I guess right, but I hear Mulder (who apparently called at the exact same time--go us) leaving one of his long, rambly, theory-packed messages. 'God damn it,' I think, and hang up. Of course, I have since forgotten the random-ass number I dialed, so calling again in a few minutes is not an option.

The night janitors stop by, wanting to know what I'm doing there. I say that I'm just waiting for someone and will be leaving shortly. They joke (rather creepily, somehow) about me doing a bit of cleaning while I'm just standing there. "Do you know anything about phones?" one of the janitors asks me, and I suddenly notice that the space in between the two double-doors is packed with phones of every shape and size.

"Well, I know how to use one... I call people every now and then," I say with forced lightness, because I don't want the janitors to realize how creepy I find them.

"Well, yeah," janitor says with a smirk, "but do you know how to get the poison out?"

'Shit, phones are poisonous?' I think. Even if I remembered Scully's number, I'd be scared to try it, now. "Um, no." I reply.

"I didn't think so." Janitor shakes his head, then they lock the inside doors, pull down one of those grates you see outside of mall stores and lock that, and leave.

As I'm waiting for Mulder and Scully to show, it occurs to me that perhaps the Creep of the Week will find out I'm there and try to capture me and use me as a bargaining chip. Oh noes!

At this point, there is a seamless blend between me theorizing in my head as to how I could escape said Creep of the Week, and me actually being inside the building, trying to escape Creep of the Week and his henchmen. I fail, and he catches me. Henchmen are dragging me down the hallway towards the doors, when who should enter but... no, not Mulder and Scully... Lucy and Mr. Tumnus. They come strolling in the doors that I guess aren't locked so much, after all.

Henchmen drop me and immediately advance on the little girl and the faun, because I guess they're... more threatening? They knock Tumnus' umbrella and papers and things to the ground. Lucy is rather calm about everything. Since I'm no longer being restrained by anyone, I sigh heavily and start picking up all of Tumnus' stuff. Creep of the Week demands to know what I'm doing, and I resist the urge to say "What does it look like I'm doing?" and instead reply, very calmly, "I'm just picking up his stuff." Apparently, this is all right with him.

However, there is no reason for them to keep Tumnus and Lucy alive. I must think quickly. So I fib a little. I slyly mention a note that I'd left somewhere for the janitors, detailing exactly what had happened. Suddenly, those scary maintenance people come in handy. I figure if Creep of the Week is oh-so-fond of using people as bargaining chips, he'll keep Tumnus and Lucy alive so he can threaten to do bad things to them if I don't reveal where I hid the note.

Plan partially backfires. Creep of the Week actually has no problem hurting one of them a bit, so he grabs Mr. Tumnus (of course) and gives him what can best be described as a really long scratch-mark down his torso. It wasn't even bleeding, a paper-cut would have been worse, but of course Tumnus had to give me that "You... you BETRAYED ME?!!!" look he gave Edmund in the movie. Henchmen drag him off and lock him in the kitchen.

Some other mild injury is probably about to be inflicted on either Lucy or myself, but who should come to our rescue but... no, not effing Mulder and Scully... various teen actresses from the Disney Channel! I don't even recall any of their names, I just know that's where they were from. They were all dressed in crazy high-priestess robes, and they somehow managed to turn Creep of the Week and his henchmen into very grumpy stuffed animals. Because they're from the Disney Channel, they aren't allowed to do anything more severe or bloody, I guess.

Once they had been disposed of, I looked down at Lucy and said, "Kitchen!" We both ran around the corner (I guess I knew where I was going, because we didn't have to run 3/4 of the way around the school). We unlocked the kitchen door and burst in to find Tumnus reclining in a trough-shaped hot tub (like the ones you see in gyms, that you can fill with either hot or cold water), eating sardines out of a bucket. "Mr. Tumnus!" we cry, overjoyed that he is alive and well.

Then I wake up.

And Mulder and Scully never showed. Bitches.

Comments

[avalonauggie.livejournal.com]

that was just..bizarre. So you're one of Mulder and Scully's comrades or something? because I'd hate to be on opposite ends of some sort of subconscious government war where I'm a spy and you're working for the side of good. XD

Then again I don't dream about goat-people, so you have more things than I to worry about.

[shannonsequitur.livejournal.com]

I've never actually watched the X-Files before (horrors, I know), but there totally needs to be an icon of Lucy and Tumnus with the caption "The truth is out there."

:P

[(Anonymous)]

Dude, that is awesome. So awesome. I think mayhaps you have been watching a bit too much tv/general entertainment....what an odd blend of pop culture and childhood! I'd call you but I don't know how to get the poison out of the phone.

[archeok.livejournal.com]

yeah, that was me. Don't know what was up with the not being logged in. Tis fixed now.

[megansleevwillo.livejournal.com]

At the part where Lucy and Tumnus entered, I split into peals of laughter, attracting the attention of everyone else in the computer lab.
You rock so hard, as does your dreams.
~Megan~

[archeok.livejournal.com]

Also, we should make a movie of this dream....or if not that, at least encorporate it into our devilsh plan to bring down the world of RPS. I'm sure it could be done.

[tephroliah.livejournal.com]

I LOOOOOVE DREAMPOSTS!!

[leo-wolf.livejournal.com]

I would totally break down and cry if Tumnus gave me that "You BETRAYED me?!" look. XD I always LOVE to read your dreamposts. They're always so uplifting. Even when I'm really, really down. Like today.

[lisa-de-lujun.livejournal.com]

That is weird. But i had this dream. I was in the hospital, and i had a kid. Dont know who the father was. but my parental units was fine with it. well my nanny, was in the cafe in the hospital, and my mom gives the baby to her. and it turns into a doughnut..and then she eats my doughnutbaby...weird huh. and then i like freak out, and take my baby back, and it turns back into the baby..but with two heads...weird..werid...I think i would freak out is Scully and Mulder were in my dreams, well were supposed to be that is. i love the show..it is just..i would find it freaky. Lisa de Lujun

[ravensorea.livejournal.com]

Haha, welcome to my world. My dreams are consistently like that. A while ago all my friends were vampires, last night it was a conspiracy theory that involved code naming a friend luscious lucius to protect his identity. luckily he had a parachute when his plane exploded. Who knows what tonight will bring?

~B

[ainu-laire.livejournal.com]

This is the best. dream. ever. I love random dreams like this. It's almost as bad as my dreams.